Azamra and the Snake

There are few things that I've learnt that have caused me as much discomfort and soul-searching as Rebbe Nachman's teaching, Azamra. In a nutshell, Azamra is about looking for the good point in ourselves (which I don't have a problem with) AND, looking for the good point in villains (which I have a massive problem with).
 
Rebbe Nachman teaches that by finding the good point in these otherwise evil villains, you'll tip them into the scale of merit, and consequently, they'll find it much easier to repent.
 
There's just one problem: I still haven't completely vanquished my bad character traits of vengeance and hatred, so I really want to see those suckers burn….
 
Because Rebbe Nachman isn't just talking about nice, normal people who occasionally do bad things, like we all do. He's talking about murderers, rapists, child molesters, gangsters, drug dealers – the lowest of the low. The dregs of humanity. And dafka, it's those people that Rebbe Nachman wants us try to judge favorably.
 
Until a couple of days' ago, I simply decided I just couldn't do it. Bad people are bad, and let them pay the price for it. I'm not going to strain myself trying to help them out…
 
But then, G-d sent me the snake.
 
The snake was the third thing in three days. The first thing was a class on Azamra by a great Carlebach-style rabbi, who I dismissed for being too keen to love everyone unconditionally. The second thing was another class on Azamra – this time, given by a great Breslev rabbi in my house. He was much harder to dismiss, but I told myself that he's on a much higher level than me, and / or doesn't know all the villains that I seem to know.
 
Then the next day, I 'randomly' opened up Likutei Moharan, and it 'randomly'fell open at…Azamra. My heart sank. What, more of this uber-liberal bleeding heart rubbish!?!?!
 
But I started reading it anyway, in case I'd missed something – and that's when my daughter came home from school, and almost trod on a snake that was curled up by the table.
 
My husband smashed the snake's head in (we didn't know if it was poisonous or not, but we didn't want to take any chances) – and then, I had post traumatic snake disorder for two hours, and turned into a zombie.
 
Then, I looked up the song of the snake in Perek Shira, and low and behold, it was telling me that: "G-d will raise the fallen; G-d will straighten the bent." I got the message: G-d wants me to pray for the villains.
 
The next 24 hours were really, really tough. I knew G-d wanted me to want to do Azamra for all the baddies in my life, but my lower self rebelled, and absolutely refused to do it.
 
"Forget it, G-d! Why should I waste any time and effort on these people? Let them pray for themselves, for once!"
 
But then I remembered something very important: serving G-d isn't about doing what I want; serving G-d is about doing what He wants. When someone is overflowing with kindness and compassion, their way of serving G-d is to go against their nature, and to act with judgement and strength.
 
And vice-versa; when someone is rooted in din, (judgement) or rooted in gevurah (strength, boundaries) – then they have to serve G-d by loving people unconditionally. I understood that, but my heart was still very firmly 'anti'. I was stuck trying to find a compromise between my lower self (who was still saying: 'let the suckers burn!') and my upper self (who was saying: "G-d and Rebbe Nachman want Azamra!")
 
I couldn't win; both sides were stubborn, both sides were determined, and I felt like I was going to go seriously bonkers if the impasse didn't get resolved soon. I asked G-d to help me – for about three hours straight – and then, I got the answer, or at least, my answer.
 
Rav Arush always teaches that the disadvantage is actually the advantage. I realized that whatever bothered me about these people, could be turned to the good. IE: 'She's selfish' could become: she knows how to look after herself. 'He's using his Torah to make me feel inferior' became: he knows a lot of Torah! 'He really thinks he's Moshiach!' became: He really wants Moshiach!
 
Genius! Because my lower self can still agree with the statements (and smirk) and my higher self can still agree with the statements (and feel very holy). So if there's a massive wave of villains making teshuva next week, you'll know why…