Men’s 30-Minute Solution

Would you like a great and sweet life with happy children and everlasting peace with your wife, not to mention wealth and great health? All of these wondrous things are attainable through increasing our personal holiness, namely guarding the eyes.

Know It’s Hard… (Not…     NO it’s HARD!)

Read the above subtitle carefully. Knowing something is difficult before going out to get it is extremely important; it prepares you for the experience. Just like learning to ski or training for a marathon are both extremely hard sports. But knowing in the beginning that the challenge is waiting can help you plan and achieve rather than quitting before you even try. Guarding our eyes is a moment to moment challenge that a man has until his last day on earth. Knock aside your excuses and you will be on the path to success.

Getting to Work

Rav Shalom Arush discusses the great importance of giving 30 minutes a day to pray for the merit of escaping the lustful craving for women. For many men this can oftentimes seem out of reach. This is so because we all want a quick fix and not hard work. But in the matter of personal holiness, the evil inclination is so powerfully strong that only true dedication and perseverance can defeat it. By taking the time and consistently praying, you will see that all your troubles begin to fade.

In his book “The Garden of Purity” Rav Arush mentions how to break up the 30 minutes into three easy 10 minute segments:

Before you even open your mouth to pray on this issue, ask for help. Like this, 

“Father in Heaven, here I am… Thank You for another day of having the privilege to pray about this issue of not looking or thinking about women. We both know how hard this challenge is for me. In fact, I feel so far away from You as a result of my continued mess-ups in this area. Please Hashem, I need Your help, and only You can help me in this area. Guide my prayer, help me feel that You are listening to my words. Answer me Hashem, as a free gift. Please help me during these thirty minutes.”

Then start your session:

First 10 minutes: Thank You

Say thank you in your own words for YOUR having the merit to know about the importance of guarding the eyes. This knowledge alone is half the battle and you have it! Say thank you for this priceless gift. Where would your marriage be if you hadn’t learned about this, or what would have happened to it!?  Next say thank you for all the times Hashem helped you guard your eyes over the last 24 hours, for example at work, the mall, while out in public, etc.

Second 10 minutes: Accounting

During the next 10 minutes really try to focus on your day, from the moment you stepped outside your door until the present moment, did you see anything you shouldn’t have? Did you see anything on the internet that suddenly popped up and caused you a lewd thought? How did you guard your eyes down the street? Were you noticing all the girls and advertisements that flame the fire?

Assess yourself, but remember not to be too hard on yourself. Again, and we can’t stress this enough, by the plain fact that you are trying in this area, you are already so precious in Hashem’s eyes. Just be honest with Hashem if you saw something immodest and ask for forgiveness and move on! Remember that even if it was a “bad” day, that is also from Hashem specifically to push you to pray harder and generate more desire the next time around. Don’t be hard on yourself! Be consistent in your daily prayer.

Final 10 minutes: Pray to be clean!

The final 10 minutes is where you can really let it out! “Hashem, I’m going to a wedding tonight and I know that the test will be too great for me! PLEASE ONLY YOU CAN HELP ME GUARD MY EYES!!!!!! AHHHHHH!  Help me have a clean day, ONLY YOU CAN HELP ME GUARD MY EYES! Help me not desire women at all, help me not feel anything forbidden when in the presence of other women. Guard my eyes from everything lewd and from anything that could ruin my focus on holiness. Only You can help me…. These last 10 minutes are the real push for getting help from Hashem.

When you are not feeling it: Get Happy!

Rav Arush teaches that we should pray for joy rather than guarding the eyes when we are sad. Hashem hates sadness, but by praying for joy, we regain control and disarm the sadness.

Homework:

True happiness and blessing await you, start your 30 minutes today.