News in the Mikvah
The world wants to take the Jerusalem, Judea, and Samaria away from us, and uproot half a million Jews from their homes, G-d forbid! Can we afford the “luxury” of intramural hate?
My beloved teacher Rabbi Shalom Arush, may Hashem bless him always, told me the following joke:
Napoleon, during his conquest of the East, arrived in the Land of Israel. He asked his intelligence officer the best way to glean information about the locals. “If you want to know what’s going on inside the Jewish community,” said the Intel officer, “go to the men’s mikvah; you can hear all the news there.” Napoleon heeded this very sound piece of advice – an outstanding morsel of intelligence in itself – dressed up like a Jew and went to the men’s mikvah the following morning. He overheard the following conversation between two Jews there:
“What’s the good news, Avraham?”
“Everybody’s saying that Napoleon is somewhere in the mikvah!”
* * *
A society’s humor truly reflects that society’s image. Rebbe Nachman of Breslev teaches in his famous tale “The Modest King” that we learn about the people of a given nation by listening to their humor. In that light, there’s more than a grain of truth in the Napolean joke. Even though one should refrain from talking in the mikvah – undress, immerse, dress, and leave as quickly and as modestly as possible – every mikvah has its notorious parliamentarians.
I was dressing one morning in the mikvah when I overheard the following conversation between two married Talmudic students:
“I don’t know how it’s possible to live in this country; 80% are secular, and they’re destroying everything Jewish!”
“What do you want from the seculars, Yankel’e – they don’t know better. The biggest enemy is the National Religious; what a sacrilege the way they worship the flag and the army – they even have TVs in their houses.”
“TV is nothing! What about the internet? All the modern orthodox have internet and computers – that’s the real poison, Moishe!”
“Poison, uh uh. The real poison is the sheitlach – how can a Talmud scholar let his wife wear all kinds of seductive wigs? Our sages would be doing somersaults in their graves!”
“C’mon Moishe – there are no real Torah learners left any more except in our Yeshiva. The Lubavitchers are chasing Mashiach, the Breslevers are dancing on the roofs of cars, Satmar and Reb Aralach are burning trashcans in Yerushalayim, and Ger, Belz, and Vizhnitz are eating potato kugel at tish.”
“You’re right, Yankele. Look how there are no more Novardoker Yeshivas left. The youngsters all want the gold watches and the clean-shaven faces. What are you talking about the Chassidim for? Even the Livitshe world has drifted far away from Torah…”
“Yeh, Moishe – everybody’s on a slide. In the old days, the Sephardim had great scholars. Now, they’re spending their time in politics. That’s really unkosher! Thank goodness for our Yeshiva…”
I never open my mouth in the mikvah. If someone speaks to me, I usually answer in pretty-decent sign language. But, this time was an exception – I had to 
breathe deeply several times to compose myself after unintentionally eavesdropping on Moishe and Yankel’e, the two self-appointed gatekeepers of the sole truth.
breathe deeply several times to compose myself after unintentionally eavesdropping on Moishe and Yankel’e, the two self-appointed gatekeepers of the sole truth.Here we are before Tisha B’Av, with the image of the Holy Temple going up in flames is before our eyes as if it were an event that occurred yesterday and not nearly 2,000 years ago. The Gemara teaches us that the Temple was destroyed because of intramural hate. Here I was, in the mikvah, hearing the venom of intramural hate flow like water. What’s scary is that the entire world wants to take Jerusalem, Judea, and Samaria away from us, and uproot 300,000 Jews from their homes, G-d forbid! And here we are, still up to our necks in the mud of sinat chinam, of intramural hate? What could be more dangerous?
King David teaches in Psalm 119 that sometimes you have to violate a small mitzvah to keep a mitzvah of significant proportions. I had to break the ordinance of keeping silent in the mikvah to protest this show of intramural hate, the core reason of our tragic downfall.
Turning to the two young men, I said: “How many Jews are there in the world? One tenth of one percent? You guys murdered all the secular Jews, and that’s 80% of our people. You shoot down the national religious, all the Chassidim, and the Sephardim too. According to you two, nobody’s kosher except for your Yeshiva? How do you think Hashem feels when you’re both on record as hating all His children? Hitler only killed a third of our people. Hamas and Hezbollah killed a few hundred. You two have destroyed all the rest! You haven’t left anybody for Hashem to redeem!”
That made them blush. At that point, I grabbed my towel and left. Why did Hashem make me privy to their sick conversation, I asked myself during hitbodedut later that day. Obvious – so I’d write about it here and pray that we work together to uproot the cancer of intramural hate from our midst – forever – amen!
1/16/2013
Great Article This article is spot on and very relevant. I'm sure you are aware that there is a lot of guilt on both sides. The secular Jews speak very negatively of the Orthodoxy, and opinions like those of the two fellows you mentioned might be to blame for this. In response to the other comment titled "But…," since the Rabbi didn't mention the names of the two individuals, this does not constitute as publicly embarrassing someone.
1/16/2013
This article is spot on and very relevant. I'm sure you are aware that there is a lot of guilt on both sides. The secular Jews speak very negatively of the Orthodoxy, and opinions like those of the two fellows you mentioned might be to blame for this. In response to the other comment titled "But…," since the Rabbi didn't mention the names of the two individuals, this does not constitute as publicly embarrassing someone.
7/21/2011
But…. But Rabbi…aren't we taught that embarrassing someone in public is akin to murdering them?