Family Revival Day

Since I have embraced my newfound Judaism, everything about my life has drastically changed. I dress differently, I eat differently, I even speak differently! Beyond the physical changes there have been many levels of mental, emotional, and spiritual changes as well. My spiritual appetite has become insatiable! The more I learn about the deep wisdom and rich heritage of my ancestors, the more I want to learn. It is as if I had just realized that the entire day has passed and I had forgotten to eat! My soul is hungry for spiritual nourishment! As my perception of life continues to grow and evolve, I am constantly reminding myself of where I came from, so I can more fully appreciate where I am going. As a young, pretty American Jewish girl, I had a comfortable, privileged upbringing. I grew up in a nice house, I went to the mall with my friends on shopping trips, and I even got a car when I was a teenager. (What were my parents thinking?! I was way too young for the responsibility of driving a car!) Everything was great- on paper. Somewhere deep inside my being lurked an incessant, annoying voice that kept whispering, “What is my purpose? Who am I? What is life all about?” These are very important and healthy questions to ask- but in my case, they stemmed from a vague level of discomfort and unhappiness that I was constantly experiencing, and I just couldn’t figure out why.
 
Although I am still young, I look at today’s youth with a set of Savta (Grandma) Eyes. I sometimes catch myself wanting to wave my imaginary cane at the teenagers I come across and rebuke them for all of the nonsense they are involved with. I look at the magazines in the checkout aisles of my grocery store and shake my head with pity for these young lost souls who obviously don’t have a clue about what’s important in life. I see the young single people in my neighborhood having drinks late at night and wonder when their lives are going to start. Like any good grandma, I want to tell them that when I was young, I was the same way! I was also a lost soul wandering aimlessly through my teenage years, not sure how I was going to arrive at adulthood. Would I be an emotionally balanced and confident person with a family and a career that I loved? Or would I be a nervous, dissatisfied victim of life who nursed her shattered dreams deep in her heart?
 
There are many reasons today’s young people are lacking a sense of fulfillment and inner peace.  One major reason is that their parents are not as involved in their lives as they should be. Many kids are latch-key children, left to fend for themselves after school, because both parents are forced to work. This is a really tough situation for a parent to deal with, and I commend all of the parents who put so much effort into providing a good life for their children. In Rabbi Brody’s eye-opening CD, “All in the Family”, he talks about the necessity of being available for our children. Especially in our western world lifestyle, we are trained to believe that physical luxuries will bring us happiness. We all know that’s not true.  Those parents who don’t need to work 80 hours a week should instead spend those extra 40 hours with their children! Rabbi Brody is emphatic when it comes to this point. He describes the home of a family in which he was a guest, saying it was a beautiful home, and each child had a room full of every toy and gadget one could imagine. However, one parent was on the golf course, while another was playing cards. Who was spending time with the children? He states, “Children that grow up in this type of environment develop all kinds of emotional problems. They become nervous and anxiety-ridden, and are unable to maintain emotionally healthy relationships.”  Another example Rabbi Brody gives is of two distinguished rabbis- one had spent quality time with his children, while the other was busy learning Torah all day and night. The children of the first rabbi went on to live a Torah-observant lifestyle, while the second rabbi’s children went completely off the path.  The second rabbi explains, “My son didn’t take a ball from me, so now he won’t take Torah from me.” Parents, when you have the choice between working more hours or going home and playing with your children, please choose the second option.  A few extra dollars are not worth the hurt your child feels when you are not around enough.
 
Another big reason for the epidemic of lost souls in this generation is the unlimited access to the TV and Internet. Rabbi Brody likens the TV to a garbage dump. For those parents that may argue that there are educational programs available on TV, Rabbi Brody responds, “Would you rummage through a garbage dump just to find an edible piece of steak?” (Another classic Rabbi Brody stumper- ouch, again!) I decided to get rid of my TV when I realized that my oldest son would only be satisfied watching Sesame Street for just a short while longer. Then he would eventually be exposed to the disgusting, inappropriate, and mind-numbing “children’s” shows on Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel! The titles may sound innocent, but have you parents actually watched this garbage? The Savta in me was out in full gear, walker and all, ready to do battle against the stupidity-inducing Spongebob and Mighty B!
 
Why are we destroying our children by exposing them to this nonsense?! Instead of letting them sit like lobotomy patients on the couch getting their minds polluted with programs which (in my opinion) can cause kids to lose just as many brain cells as drinking or doing drugs, turn off the TV and drag them outside for some baseball or bike-riding in the fresh late-afternoon air.  Sure, you’ll get lots of screams and protests, maybe even a kick to the shin. Just keep a smile on your face and your temper in check, and you’ll see that after several days of spending time with you, your kids will not be so inclined to rush to the TV the moment they get home. Even those of you with a teenager at home will see that underneath the tough, “I don’t care” exterior, still exists a delicate child whose biggest need and desire is to be shown love and attention from his parents. The same goes for the internet- we have to be extremely careful about letting our kids go online. It is WAY more dangerous than watching TV, because we all know what types of websites are just too easily available for kids to happen to come across. Rabbi Brody has the ultimate solution for both of these problems, though. “Take the TV and throw it out the window! The same goes for the computer!” If you really do need a computer at home, please enable the parental settings so they cannot in any way get into trouble.
 
The third big reason kids are so lost today is their lack of identity. For example, I just found out a few days ago that my great (etc., etc.) grandfather, Hacham Abdallah Somekh, was the Chief Rabbi of Baghdad in the mid-nineteenth century! Not only that, he was the foremost teacher and brother-in-law of Hacham Yosef Chayim, more commonly known as the Ben Ish Chai! How is it possible I didn’t know about this sooner?! My point is that in many conservative and reform Jewish families, the Jewish aspect is practically lost. Jews all over the world have and are currently experiencing the holocaust of assimilation. What’s crazy to me is that it is a voluntary holocaust in which parents potentially kill off the possibility for a future connection to Judaism and the Torah for their children. I’m not saying this to make parents feel bad. I really do understand where they are coming from. They want the best for their kids, but since their parents didn’t stress a Jewish identity in them, obviously they don’t have the drive to instill it in their children. It is a domino effect that has long-lasting consequences. The Midrash terms this problem of assimilation as “The Exile of Edom”, or “The Fourth Exile”.
 
Recently I was involved in a heated debate with someone who is a very reform Jew. (Don’t forget, I’m half-Iraqi and I thrive on heated debates!) The point I was trying to convey was- generation after generation throughout our history, our ancestors have died because of who they were. During the Roman oppression and the Spanish Inquisition, countless Jews died sanctifying Hashem’s name because they refused to convert. They died defending their identities and their Torah-observant lifestyles. Now, we have recent generations that are willingly handing over their Jewish identities to the melting pot of modern society and saying, “Kill it!” The problem with this type of Jewish death is that it is not felt right away. We can’t see the effects until one or two generations later. Our children grow up without a sense of belonging, a sense of pride in the deep wisdom of their heritage. They grow up with the feeling that something is missing, though they’re not sure what it is, or where to find it. They want to fit in with others, so they hide that Divine Spark that is trying to shine through their ripped jeans and trendy shirts. Of course, most of them aren’t even aware of their Divine Spark at all. This is truly a tragedy. It is like a person who doesn’t know he was descended from royalty, and he wastes his life trying to fit in with the bourgeoisie, instead of taking his rightful place in the royal palace. No wonder these kids are lost! They are trying to fit in with others who are not like them! They stick out like a sore thumb!
 
Now I understand a bit of why the religious world is so insular. They don’t want their kids to suffer from this type of identity crisis! They want to keep their kids on the path that Hashem had intended for them, the path of illuminating the Divine Spark within through Torah and mitzvot. Parents, please don’t misunderstand me- I’m not suggesting that everyone should pick up and move to a religious neighborhood. I’m only suggesting that you spend a bit of time learning about who you are and where you came from, so you can give that information and missing puzzle piece to your children. Make it a fun, ongoing project- work on a genealogy chart together. Go visit a museum together. Go to the bookstore and buy books about your heritage together. Combine it with a lunch at a local kosher restaurant and you’ve got a great Jewish Family Revival Day! Whatever you decide to do, just remember: giving your kids plenty of TLC- Torah, Love, and Commitment will surely put your kids on the path to a happy and fulfilling life!