Part 7 of a Plea to Singles
Everyone knows the children’s story of “The Frog Prince.” The reality is really the exact opposite! All the men out there look like princes. It’s only once you kiss them that you discover if they are really a prince – or a frog, leech, or man-eating lion.
Really, this article is an addendum to the series entitled An Open Letter to Singles, which addresses the “singles crisis” and how to date with emuna. There is one crucial pre-requisite rule to dating that deserves an article on its own, and this one is just for women: Just Say NO!
Sadly, as I touched on in the series, the dating world now is in complete contrast to proper dating according to Jewish tradition. One aspect which has been totally forgotten is the fact that a man is commanded by Hashem to get married – for him, it’s a mitzvah. Therefore, he is not allowed to say no to a potential shidduch! He has to get married – who is he to say “no” to a girl suggested to him? The woman, on the other hand, has no official requirement to get married according to Jewish law. Hence, she has every right, and obligation, to say “no” to a potential suitor.
Maybe this sounds chivalric and old-fashioned to you. However, as I hope to explain, this is the key to dating for women, before you can even hope to start dating according to emuna. It is the primary way to be able to weed out the “princes from the frogs” – before you kiss them, or even worse, marry them. Following the rule of: Just Say NO! is the only way to truly date with respect and power.
Popular culture today teaches young girls that it’s “mean” or “wrong” or “rude” to say no to men. Maybe it does not say so in so many words because it’s not politically correct, but the message comes out loud and clear in other, more subtle ways. I remember a song that said “Just be nice to the gentlemen, and they’ll be nice to you.” Being “nice” does not include saying “no.”
Instead, women are taught to impress every guy who comes their way. And if they catch the attention of a man on the street, that’s like a three-point score! Wow, you really must be beautiful! In this way, girls are taught that their self-image is determined by men’s assessment of their beauty, and they must go to great lengths to get the highest score possible.