Queen of the Class
The bell rang, and the teacher called all the girls to settle down. Our victim sat in a puddle of tears, which could just as well have been a puddle of her own blood…
Translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody
The Danger of Verbal Abuse, Part 2
Among schoolgirls, there’s a head ringleader called Malkat HaKita, the queen of the class. Usually, she’s a strong-willed tyrant who rules over her private clique 
of homage-paying underlings who do her bidding. Often, the queen and her clique have sadistic “fun” in making one of the weaker girls a target for their pranks and ridicule.
of homage-paying underlings who do her bidding. Often, the queen and her clique have sadistic “fun” in making one of the weaker girls a target for their pranks and ridicule.Once, in an eleventh-grade Bet Yaacov class somewhere in Israel, one of the girls (not so pretty, not so popular, with frizzy hair) came to school with a short mushroom-style haircut). The queen was always on the prowl for a good laugh at someone else’s expense, so she yelled out, “Did it rain in the classroom recently? Our classroom is growing mushrooms!” On cue, all the girls broke out laughing.
The victim could feel how her face flushed, that the blood left her face and she turned from crimson to white, as if someone had slit her throat. She suffered unbearable indescribable humiliation. The bell rang, and the teacher called all the girls to settle down. Our victim sat in a puddle of tears, which could just as well have been a puddle of her own blood.
The queen of the class was an artist in what she called “the wafer-thin laugh”, which in Hebrew means laughing at the expense of another person. This is the worst form of cruelty and cynicism – in my opinion, even worse than a terrorist.
Years later, the victim wrote that she not only couldn’t concentrate in class, but she lost any semblance of self-esteem and self-confidence. The sorrow and the feelings of revenge were like acid in her heart. Nothing succeeded. They graduated from High School, then post-graduate Seminar, and she couldn’t find work. One by one, her classmates were getting engaged, and our victim wasn’t even getting any shidduchim proposals. Nothing was going right. She became a miserable, bitter, nervous bag of sorrow and revenge, by now a 27 year-old wallflower still living at home with her mother.
Meanwhile, the queen of the class received a prestigious shidduch (match) with a family in the States, and after her wedding, she moved to America with her new husband. She had plenty of money, a big house, but nothing. All her girlfriends were having their 4th and 5th kids, but she still had none.
In the queen of the class’s neighborhood, there lived another classmate from her old Beit Yaacov class, who had also moved to the USA. In fact, their two husbands learned at the same Kollel. The queen of the class used to beg her old classmate to come up for coffee or to talk, but the classmate always had a good excuse – she now had two little tikes at her side, another two in a twin stroller, and she was well on the way with #5. Nevertheless, the queen of the class cornered her and literally coerced her – kids and all – to come to her for coffee. She asked, “Why do you avoid me? Why does everyone seem to avoid me? My life is so miserable, and I don’t understand why.”
The mother of four blushed and didn’t want to talk. The former queen of the class prodded her. “OK, if you really want to know, I’ll never forget your cruelty. I don’t know what to compare you to – a murderer? A heartless Nazi? Do you realize how you destroyed Rivka’s life (the girl with the frizzy hair)?
The young mother was in contact with the victim, and would call her from time to time. The queen of the class begged her for the victim’s phone number – she knew in her heart that the young mother was speaking absolute truth, so she decided to call the victim and ask for forgiveness.
The queen of the class called the victim, and begged for forgiveness. The victim yelled at her: “What do you mean? You embarrassed me in public, caused me torture and grief, and now you want to dismiss 10 years of suffering and loneliness with a wave of your hand, because you’re the queen of the class!? Not anymore! Get out of my life! It’s not enough that you’ve haunted me all these years and robbed me of any happiness or feeling of self-worth?” The victim slammed the phone down. Without thinking twice, the queen bought a ticket to Israel and several days later boarded a plane out of JFK airport.
A week later, someone knocked on the victim’s door in a religious neighborhood near Petah Tikva. Sheepishly, the former queen of the class begged to come inside, falling to her knees and sobbing uncontrollably, saying how truly sorry she was.
Rivka, the victim, had pity on the “queen.” She ushered her inside, gave her a cup of tea, and listened to her ten – year story. Rivka then told her own story of humiliation, loss of self-worth, and gnawing feelings of anger and revenge that made her life unbearable. Finally, the two young women embraced and forgave each other.
The queen of the class became pregnant within days after her return to the USA, and the victim became a bride. Later, the victim realized that she had suffered double torture – first from the humiliation, but even worse, from 10 years of burning hate and revenge in her heart, that like acid, seemed to corrode the walls of her heart.
Let’s ask ourselves a question: In the story of the queen of the class, we see that the victim was also punished. Why? What did the victim do wrong?
Verbal abuse is no joke. Those who suffer (lack of children, can’t find their soul-mate, financial problems, etc.) should do serious self-evaluation to try and remember if they pained another person without ever having asked their forgiveness.
If someone has humiliated us, we must remember that if we want Hashem to forgive us, we have to forgive all others. When we make peace with each other, this will hasten the rebuilding of our 3rd Temple, which was destroyed by hate, quickly and in our time, amen.
7/26/2009
Scary How often do we do something like this without even thinking about it? Good reminder for the 9 days!
7/26/2009
How often do we do something like this without even thinking about it? Good reminder for the 9 days!