6 Kislev 5775 / Friday, November 28, 2014 | Torah Reading: Vayeitzei
 
  Add to favorites     Set as homepage  
 
   
    Create an account    |    Sign in
  
    My Account     Orders History     Help
 
 
  My Country:  
  United States   
 
   Language:  
  English   
 
   My Currency:  
  US Dollar   
 
   
Home Page Breslev Holidays and Fast Days Judaism Society Family Spirituality and Faith Torah Portion
   Dating and Marriage     Children and Education     Breslev Kids     Health and Fitness             
 
  More  
 
 
      
 
Dating and Marriage  
 
HomeFamilyDating and MarriageThe Real Shadchan
 
  Advanced Search
   Articles
 
   Search
 
              
 

The Real Shadchan     The Real Shadchan

Unlike human shadchanim, Hashem doesn’t need to be sent gifts every so often to remember that you exist. And He won't get annoyed if you call too often either...



       


Part 3 of a Plea to Singles
 
OK, we know the current way of dating is terribly problematic. So how do we fix the problem? Let’s start at the beginning! The first rule of dating with emuna is: Hashem is your shadchan, your real matchmaker.
               
It’s fine to use human shadchanim, but don’t trust in them whatsoever. Think about any recommendations they, or anyone else for that matter, make. Will my Real Shadchan be happy with this suggestion? If it takes you away from emuna, kedusha (holiness), and your highest self – the answer is no. That holds true no matter how much it seems that it will enhance your chances at marriage, or increase your potential for better prospective partners. It’s simply an illusion and a test of emuna, to see whether you will trust Hashem, or choose to fear something else (like whether or not guys will like you) instead.
 
Furthermore, since Hashem is your shadchan – talk to Him! Unlike human shadchanim, he doesn’t need to be sent gifts every so often to remember that you exist. And He won't get annoyed if you call too often either! In fact, the more you talk to Hashem, the better.
 
When you're talking to Hashem, don’t forget to thank Hashem that you're not yet married, because everything Hashem does is for the very best – right now. You can also thank Hashem for the future - because you know that at the right time, He will send you your true soulmate! So thank Him for that! Thank Hashem for giving you the opportunity to strengthen your emuna, which is your real task in life. Whatever you do, really focus on looking for the best and not complaining. For a lot more on these ideas, you absolutely must read Rabbi Arush’s fabulous The Garden of Gratitude.
 
Remember that since Hashem is your shadchan, you want Him to be happy with you. This means constantly striving to improve yourself, and doing teshuva when you fall short. Don’t give up one iota of halachah thinking it will help you get married, because truly it does the opposite. If the guys won't date you because you're “too plain” because you dress modestly and they want some flair – trust me, you don’t want to marry those guys anyway! A really good guy will be impressed with your strength to stick to halachah when it isn’t easy, and respect you for it.
 
Anecdote – I lived this concept with regards to covering my hair after the divorce. I cannot hope to remember all the people who harassed me, humiliated me, threatened me, and told me I would never get married unless I took off that tichel! I was told that I was absolutely relying on miracles by keeping it on. I decided to put my trust in Hashem, because with emuna, miracles are natural, and my prospects for dating according to the statistics were pretty dreadful! Lo and behold, after the wedding, when I asked my husband about it, he admitted that he absolutely would not have married me if I had uncovered my hair, and even more importantly – he knew I was the right girl because I had the courage to withstand all that and do what I knew was right, no matter what. So it really wasn’t a weakness that I continued covering my hair – it was my greatest strength! And yes, it was incredibly special when I took off the sheitl after the wedding. I didn’t expect to be MORE alluring because he so wanted to see what my hair really looked like!
 
Even more importantly, Hashem is not just your shadchan – He also created your soul, and therefore, your soulmate as well. When we’re in these physical bodies, it is incredibly easy to miss the soul altogether. If what you're looking for isn’t physical, how can you hope to recognize it when it’s in front of you, and even more frightening, when the wrong person is in front of you? The answer is simple: You can't! You need Hashem to show you. Hence, you have to ask Hashem to show you. Talk to Hashem every step of the way and constantly ask for His help to recognize the one who is right, and the ones that are not right. Recognize that part of your process may not be to meet your true soulmate right now. While you can certainly ask for the free gift that the right time come soon, don’t forget to also ask for the strength and clarity to know if this person isn’t right for you as well.
 
However, even with Hashem at your side, you can't hope to go at it alone here on earth. You need someone who can be a trustworthy mentor while you're dating. If you don’t know of someone, beg Hashem to send you the right person, and constantly ask Hashem to give that person clarity and to give you only good and proper advice. Make sure that this person is on the same page as you and knows who you are and what you're looking for, and even more, that they have experience helping people who are dating. Someone who doesn’t know how to do research won't be able to decipher what the person on the end of the line is really saying, because no one wants to say bad about anyone, especially if they want that someone to get married.
 
To be continued



   
       


New Comment    New Comment
   See More Articles By Rachel Tzippora Avrahami
   Read more about Dating and Marriage


Back    Back          Part - 3 of - 7          Next    Next
See All Parts of Plea to Singles


Top of article    Top of article       Email This Article    Email This Article          Share to Facebook       Print version    Print version


 Join the distribution list Join the distribution list
 
 
  
If you would like to receive other related articles or Breslev.co.il features via e-mail, please enter your e-mail address here:

   

 Related Articles Related Articles
 
 

 
Prince or Frog?               Kissing Cousins               The Teeter Totter
 
 Prince or Frog?  Kissing Cousins  The Teeter Totter


  0 Talkbacks for this article     

Add Your CommentAdd Your Comment    Add Your Comment    

 
 
  
In Honor of:    In Memory of:
David & Talya Rapoport
alon & maya papismedov
  
 
Like What You Read?
 
Help Breslev Israel spread the light of Rebbe Nachman
across the globe, and be a partner in makinga better world.
 
Click here to support Breslev.co.il
  
 
 
 Products of the Day Products of the Day
 
 
 
 
Back  1 2 3  Next
 
 
 
 
  •  
     
  •  
     
  •  
     
  •  
     
  •  
     
  •  
     
 
Back  1 2 3  Next
 
 
 Most talked about Most talked about
 
 
 
 
Up  1 2 3  Down
 
 
 Most read Most read
 
 
 
 
Up  1 2 3  Down
 
 
 Facebook Facebook
 
 
 
 Mailing List Mailing List
 
 
 
Subscribe Here:   
 
   
 

 
 



  
 
 
open toolbar