The Road To Recovery
With an introduction by Rabbi Dovid Charlop, “Marty”, a former student at Yeshivat Neve Tzion in Telzstone, tells the candid story of how he got hooked on pot, and asks...
The following is an article written by a former student of our Yeshiva. It is a sobering and somewhat startling look at the inside of the downward spiral of an off-the-derech young man. It does reflect the reality of unfortunately more than a few young men and women. There are many parents and educators who have only a minimal understanding of what some of the children go through. On one hand the saying goes “ignorance is bliss” but on the other awareness of what the child’s world is about, even partially, can give us the ability to better understand and relate to the “o-t-d” child.
Parenthetically, it’s important to realize that young people who get into drugs, drinking, socializing, etc. are often scared with the power of their own independence. They may look like they’re “having fun” (which may be partially true) however it’s often scary and lonely getting into things without knowing how and if it will end.
I should report that the young man who wrote the following article settled down to marriage and a family and is a source of nachas and pride to our Yeshiva and the larger community. We all need to constantly remind ourselves not to give up hope, not with our children nor ourselves.
If this article stirs up questions about someone that you may know it is well worthwhile to discuss the situation with either a counseling professional or someone who works with these young people.
May we be spared such painful ordeals but if necessary it’s best to be informed about the situation in order to best care and assist the child or student who may need our help.
Anyone that tells you it doesn’t start with peer pressure is lying. It always starts out by you going out one night with a few of your friends that have already tried it, and they tell you how awesome it makes you feel. You’re already a little worried, maybe even scared, but everyone knows that pot isn’t going to kill you. What do you have to lose? So you smoke, probably coughing up each hit. If you’re truthful, you will admit to your friends that you really feel no difference, except maybe a little lightheaded. Nobody gets high their first time smoking. Later that night, an inner battle goes on in your head about whether or not you did the “right” thing by smoking. Pretty stupid question, huh?
You’re proud of the fact that you smoked, now you can finally say that you have tried marijuana. Then you remember what a good time you had with your friends when they were high. You wonder how unbelievable it might feel if you could get the same feeling within you. So you decide to smoke again, and this time it hits you. Hard. It’s as if a complete numbness has taken over your body. Your mouth is so dry that it hurts to talk. Your eyes have suddenly become red. You’re not sure what to say or how to act. You begin to get paranoid. You think how remarkable it is that your friends can actually do everyday things while stoned, such as driving a car or even carrying on a conversation. How do they act normal?
At the same time all these anxieties come, however, you begin to notice all the positive things associated with weed. You feel so mellow; it’s like you haven’t a care in the world. Although you still have your doubts about whether or not you like what you’re feeling, one thing remains clear: it’s an escape from everyday life, a new sensation that’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before.
The next day one of your friends pulls out a bowl. Probably wondering the decision for a minute or so you decide to smoke again. This time, you think, there won’t be any surprises. So you smoke and have a great time, laughing with your friends. You, and everyone around you are so happy. You start to smoke on weekends. You look forward all week to that Saturday night when you and your friends get completely wasted. By now you can handle yourself when under pot’s influence. You are no longer afraid to go out in public, and all the paranoid feelings you used to have become less and less every time you smoke. Soon you start to wonder why you only smoke on weekends. There’s nothing really wrong with it. It doesn’t have any effects on your brain like the articles say. As far as you’re concerned, all weed does is make you feel good. You begin to smoke more. You decide that it’s really no big deal to go to school stoned. It’s not like you learn anything, so why not have fun?
By this time you have become all too aware of the term that smokers describe as “crashing”. You feel tired, and you have no desire to do anything. Al you want to do is lay down and go to sleep. This usually happens to you about an hour after you smoke. Before you started taking this much, you didn’t really notice when you crashed. Usually you’d smoke late at night, and by the time your high ended, you were ready to go to sleep anyway. But now it’s different. You start to feel tired during school at times when you’re usually wide awake. You become a lot more irritable towards people. There’s only one way to feel more “alive”, and that’s by smoking again. It becomes a ritual for you and your friends to smoke several times during the day. You now go through your daily routine stoned most of the day.
The length of your high also goes down, and chances are, it’s not even as enjoyable as it used to be. There are occasions when you decide to smoke simply out of boredom; weed becomes simply a way to pass time. As time goes by, you don’t even realize when you’re burned out, because you’re so used to it. It’s as if that’s your natural state. Never mind all the money it’s costing you, the lack of energy, and the mood swings. Pot has now taken over complete control of you as a person. You are a stoner first, and then everything else in your life now revolves around this fact. It is probably around this time when the lectures start.
Whether it’s your parents, teachers, or even your friends nothing anybody says is going to make a difference. You smoke because you choose to, bottom line. You are not addicted; if you felt like stopping you could do it easily.
Although it is true that you’re not physically addicted, there is a mental addiction. Sure, it’s not that hard to stop smoking for a day, a week, maybe even a month. What is hard to do because of one’s mental addiction is to stop for life. You’ve become dependent on pot as part of your lifestyle. Try and ask yourself a simple question: Why do you smoke? Although, on the surface the answer seems obvious, in reality it is not. You certainly don’t smoke for the same reasons that you did when you started. The answer most people would say is “I smoke because I like it, it feels good.” But how good does it really feel? The highs only get shorter, and one crashing only becomes persistent.
The reason you smoke, whether you’re willing to admit it or not, is to escape. Although that may sound like the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard, it is nonetheless true. Think about it this way: have you really lost the ability to achieve happiness without weed’s help? What I mean by this is simple. You smoke before you go see a movie. You smoke before you go out with your friends. You smoke before you go to a concert. The list can go on and on, but the idea behind it remains clear. All of these things are done for one purpose of having fun. You have become so addicted to pot, however, that you can’t enjoy yourself fully unless you’re high. You rely on drugs to make you happy. Is your life really that pathetic that you can’t go to a movie and enjoy it without smoking first? You can defy this logic as much as you want, but deep down you know it’s true. When you’re willing to accept it, then the road to recovery can really begin.
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