Late Again

At the beginning of my most recent Wednesday morning, I was running late to my second client of the day. There I am at 6:38AM, rushing in my little car to get to my next client whose appointment is supposed to start at 6:40AM. While driving there, I thought about all the times in the past when I was running late and how I used to react during them.

The commute from New Jersey and New York City traffic is completely unpredictable. A broken down tractor trailer or double parked cars on both sides of the avenue I’m driving on, can easily cost me ten to twenty minutes of commuting time. When I would get stuck in traffic jams that threatened my precise arrival, my yetzer hara (Evil Inclination) would have a field day with me. I used to suffer all kinds of negative emotions. The reactions I was most aware of at first were anger and resentment. I had learned enough emuna that I knew Hashem ran the world. So I’d get angry at Him that he was making me late to my clients with all this traffic.

I always wanted Hashem to do what I thought was best for me and always get me to work on time, no matter my actions. Eventually, with His help, I learned that my anger and resentment were actually just a cover. I was choosing to get angry at Him instead of being emotionally vulnerable with what my yetzer was really pumping thru my veins, FEAR. I was fearful of being late. I was fearful of my client’s negative reaction to my tardiness. I was afraid of having to credit that session and lose the hour of pay. I was afraid the client would be so sick of my being LATE AGAIN he would quit working out with me for good! Over the months and years, Hashem has helped me grow in emuna and let go of these negative emotions from my yetzer in favor of greater amounts of emuna.

First of all, I’ve slowly been learning that when I’m in trouble (read: late), I’m usually the cause of that trouble. When I would be honest with myself, I could readily admit that I was not leaving the house as early as I should have to negate highly probable backups. And even when I left at a proper early time, I learned to surrender my fear to the knowledge that He’s the One running the show and there is no need for fear. If I lose an hour’s pay, that’s a fantastic merciful atonement for only He knows what! If I lose that client, that’s okay. Hashem has infinite sources of income and clients to send my way if I need them. I just have to constantly remind myself Who runs the world.

Back to the most recent Wednesday. Needless to say, no sudden miracles and I arrived at my client’s gym at 6:48am, 8 minutes late! With higher emuna, I had been calm about being late. First of all, I recognized that my late arrival was my fault. At the end of my first session, I got into a deep discussion with my client and lost track of time until he cut the conversation short because of his schedule ironically. I also realized that since my clients pay me in advance, I owed him for a missing 8 minutes of time. I needed to take responsibility for my actions. I decided I would start with apologizing for being late, having neglectfully lost track of time and admit that I owed him those minutes. I could prorate him a refund or credit that time to another session where I could give him extra time at the end.

When I get into his building’s gym, he’s not there! I check my phone and lo and behold! There is a text from him telling me he’s running late and will be there shortly! My first thought was, “Thank You, Hashem! You saved me from a late arrival!!” I was so happy to save face from all that I had prepared to say to my client. Thank Hashem, a split second later; He spoke to me the real Truth. My initial “Phew!” reaction was a last-ditch effort by my Yetzer (Evil Inclination) to trick me into stealing from my client. The real Truth is that my client pays me for my time. He pays me to be there from 6:40-7:40 each morning that we train together. Regardless of when he gets there, I need to be there on time. And so, I still owed him an admission and amends. With Hashem’s help, I did just that. My client appreciated my honesty and I got to leave the session with a clear conscience and a happy heart having done Hashem’s will.

May Hashem help us all to grow in Emuna, to steer clear of all the tricks and traps of our yetzers, and to be honest in business and with ourselves. Much success to you all!