The Female Dimension

RECAP: The way to fix the damage done by sexual impurity is by reciting the 10 psalms that constitute the Tikkun Hakali; working on our emuna; avoiding situations which could lead to sexual impurity issues; dipping daily in a mikva; and praying a lot (amongst other things).

The last five sections, we've been focussing on the male dimension of sexual purity, or Tikun Habrit. But that doesn't mean that it's only a male problem.

While it's certainly true that women can't 'spill seed' themselves, they can still experience the same terrible consequences of suffering and 'disconnect' from everything Divine if they are dressing or acting in a way that encourages the problem.

If a woman is strutting her stuff on the pavement downtown, or on the beach, and is dressing in very revealing, or very few, clothes, and encouraging men to look at her in a lewd way, then spiritually she will be held equally responsible for the spiritual destruction that's caused as a result.

Rav Arush writes the following in the English language copy of his book Women's Wisdom: "A woman with integrity won't try to attract the attention of any man other than her husband. She will guard her modesty, and she will pray that no man other than her husband should look at her."

If a woman is dressing and acting modestly, and praying that no man other than her husband should notice her, and then some guy still hits on her – spiritually, she has nothing to worry about.

Taharat Mishpacha (the laws of Family Purity)

The whole area of sexual purity is firmly connected to taharat mishpacha, or the laws of family purity. When a soul is brought down in purity, it will find it much easier to live a good, holy life, it will be drawn to 'holy' things, and and it will have far less evil desires. When the wife goes to the mikva each month, and physically separates from her husband throughout her 'unclean' time, it directly affects the quality of her children's lives in a fundamental way.

Also, where there's no family purity, a couple can only connect on a physical level as 'bodies', because their souls can't really connect. Once again, this has serious implications for the couple's peace in the home, as well as leading to a host of other serious issues, (many of which we've already covered in other sections).

Contraception

As we mentioned in section three 'wasted seed' also occurs when a couple uses contraception that is not approved and mandated by an orthodox rabbi. Anyone who is in this position should go and talk to their Rav ASAP.

Movies, internet, mixed beach and pool

Once again, we come back to the internet and the Hollywood 'fun' and entertainment culture.

We women have to be honest for a moment, and to try and understand where our men are coming from. Men's sexual desire is completely different from women's. Things that don't get women so excited, or that women don't even notice, can have an absolutely massive impact on men.

We have to ask ourselves some tough questions:

What am I really doing to myself, and to the men in my life, when I insist we go to a mixed beach or pool?

Why am I encouraging my family to watch Bay Watch (or whatever the latest underdressed ladies program is these days?)

Why am I taking my husband shopping, when it just bores him stupid and / or exposes him to the supermodel in the next cubicle who's doing a much better job of wearing my dress?

Why am I chatting to male friends on Facebook? Would I really want my husband making the sort of comments to other women that some of these men are making to me?

Why am I bringing magazines with nearly naked women on the front page (and on every other page) into my house?

Why am I letting my girls have 'boy' friends (or vice-versa)?

Why am I letting my kids watch movies that promote that sort of behaviour?

Why am I watching those movies myself?

And then, there's those other questions we need to ask ourselves:

     · What am I willing to change, to protect the men in my life from making some terrible mistakes that could devastate them, spiritually (and otherwise…)?

     · How much do I want G-d's blessing in my home and in my life?

     · How much of a price am I willing to pay for unwarranted male attention?

     · How much do I want to be able to really connect to the people in my life again, and to myself, and to G-d?

Let's end this series on Tikkun Habrit the same way we started, with a quote from Holy Nation, taken from Likutey Moharan 249:

"The mind is the soul. The soul of every Jew, even the lowest, can stand against all the temptations in the world. Therefore, it's forbidden to minimize one's mind and say, "Unlike tzadikim, I do not have a lofty soul". This false humbleness causes one to fall into temptation. One has to believe in the loftiness and holiness of one's soul. One has to feel that with such a soul, it's inappropriate to go after temptation and sin.

"One must know that every Jewish soul in its root is completely distant from sin, and can withstand every temptation."

Even the massive temptations of life in 2013.

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Check out Rivka Levy's new book The Happy Workshop based on the teachings of Rabbi Shalom Arush