Full Partners
In this world, the maximum of anything is 100%, so that if there are two partners in a business each receives 50% of the total income. In Torah, each partner...
There’s a specific tune that my husband the Melitzer Rebbe (who I refer to as “the Rov”) always sings as he learns; it penetrates my whole being and suffuses me with such joy that it can sometimes bring tears to my eyes.
The sight of the Rov sitting over his Gemorroh with his noble, aristocratic face and silvery beard singing this tune is (to me) an exquisite picture and the most beautiful sight in the world.
And what do I feel at such a time? That all my hard work – day in, day out, month after month is worth it, that toiling from morning to night is worth this one sight, of the Rov sitting and learning serenely and peacefully. All the sweat and toil are repaid when I hear the Rov’s “learning niggun” – because I have “painted” (i.e. enabled) this beautiful picture.
To descend to a more “materialistic” level, apart from the sweet joy that I feel I also receive the same reward as the Rov does for his learning, measure for measure. Can you imagine!! I wash the dishes (and drink a cup of tea) and I get rewarded as if I have learnt the most difficult Gemorroh. Priceless! That’s a very easy way of earning my portion in the next world and I feel that I’ve got a very good deal. Just because I enable the Rov to learn by keeping house for him I’ve got an easy ticket to Gan Eden, because we’re equal partners in his learning.
Let’s make it easier to understand by using the the analogy of a factory that produces goods for sale.
In order for a product to be produced and sold it goes through many stages until it is finally packaged and ready for sale. The raw materials have to be purchased and the product manufactured and packed. All the people involved in the various stages of production, right up to the advertising and delivery are paid for their share in the production.
In the same way, the woman “produces” the environment that enables the man to learn. She keeps house thus freeing him from having to do so (one does have to do a minimum of “housework” for oneself in order to live, if only to buy food and put it on a plate so that one should have something to eat). Both are therefore equal partners in the final product of “the learning”, and both receive equal reward.
But unlike this world, where the maximum of anything is 100%, so that if there are two partners in a business each receives 50% of the total income, in Shamayim (the Heavens) there is no limitation. Each partner receives 100%, the total, as a reward for their share in the “production” of that page of learning.That’s wonderful for me because the Rov learns all day but at some stage I have wondered what’s in it for those women whose husbands cannot or are unable to learn full-time like the Rov. Most people in this world must work to earn a living and cannot learn all day long. What reward do they, and by extension their wives, receive?
So as with all questions I asked the Rov this question too.
His reply was that it depends on the attitude of the man. If a husband, once he has finished work for the day, has shiurim and learns in his spare time, i.e. he makes the effort not to waste time but whenever he has a spare moment he rushes to learn, then even his working hours are counted as if he learnt. This is because it is recognized that he would really rather be learning and he works only because he is “forced” by circumstances to be work for a living.
However, if in his spare time, the husband follows other pursuits then only the actual time spent sitting and learning is counted. Even if he was in the middle of learning and he “shmoozed” or made phone calls that time is deducted from his “account”.
For the wife however there is a different cheshbon (accounting). Because she has enabled her husband to go and learn, she receives 100% of Torah-learning reward from the minute he leaves the house. In the end, the wife might have earned far more reward than her husband, and he will come “begging” her to give him some of her share.
But what if someone is really burdened by parnasah (income)and he must work day and night just to meet his obligations to his family, and he really and truly has no time to learn; or perhaps someone is simply unable to concentrate on learning at all, what then?
Even in such a case, where one is absolutely unable to learn personally, one can still “earn” learning; this is done by supporting someone who does sit and learn, like the famous Zevulun and Yissochor partnership in the Torah. Zevulun worked and supported Yissochor who was thus able to sit and learn undisturbed. In return Zevulun had an equal share in Yissochor’s learning and received equal reward. Supporting those who learn Torah has been used throughout the ages as a method of acquiring learning by people who are themselves unable to do so.
I myself had a great-grandfather who had a Yissochor-Zevulun relationship with his brother. This brother undertook to provide for my great-grandfather’s family exactly as he did for his own, and he fulfilled his part of the agreement 100%. My father and his brother had also decided to follow in my grandfather’s footsteps but World War II wiped out all their plans.
And let’s broaden the picture a little further. We women are exempt from mitzvot that are “time-bound” because we have an even more important mitzvah to do, that of raising our children. So it seems that whilst we are doing this one mitzvah (albeit vital), our husbands are doing many other mitzvot for which they will receive rewards, with Hashem’s grace.
It seems like a raw deal again, but not according to the Rov.
Because the wife does her share in enabling the man to do the mitzvot (once again she’s freeing her husband from having to take care of his own needs) all the mitzvot that he does, she, as his partner receives equal reward for. And this in addition to the great reward which she herself earns for raising the children.
I’m beginning to think that it’s marvelous to be a woman!? and that I’m actually very satisfied with the woman’s morning blessing of שעשני כרצונו (who has made me according to His will) as opposed to the man’s blessing ofשלא עשני אשה (who has not made me a woman). All day long the men must take care to perform the mitzvot correctly, whilst we women “just” have to do the housework. (The men’s blessing always sounded a bit chauvinistic to me, but that was only before I learnt the deeper explanations underlying the blessings).
So let’s encourage our husbands to do the very best they can because we’ve got a great stake in that. And let’s get on with our job cheerfully; we’re getting double wages!!
11/09/2009
The true balance The roles of men and women are different but balanced and both equally important. May we merit to fulfil our roles with happiness appreciating what we do and what our partner does for us.
11/09/2009
The roles of men and women are different but balanced and both equally important. May we merit to fulfil our roles with happiness appreciating what we do and what our partner does for us.