Baalei Teshuva as Co-Pilots
Just like a pilot needs a copilot, our observant-born brothers need us – the Baalei Teshuva – to benefit from our desire to climb higher and higher in serving Hashem…
We got on board because we were striving for truth, and guess what? We're still striving! So please, make sure that your seat belts stay fastened because we're sitting beside you now, and we're hoping to take you right along with us!
It was the most idealistic and dedicated, who helped make us the people we have become. After deciding to be observant, however, we all inevitably realized that many religious people were not quite as purely committed as those who had initially inspired us. Varying degrees of disappointment and disillusionment are standard, but what happens after that stage is extremely critical.
Make sure that your seat belts stay fastened because we're sitting beside you now…
Witnessing “religious” people engaging in corrupt behavior can be a deal-breaker for some, especially if the religious-appearing people wield authority in leadership positions. Unsavory business practices, the belittling of legitimate attempts at improvement, and “accepted” practices to cheat government agencies, can all lead to an earnest baal teshuva (newly observant Jew) being understandably turned off.
There are prevailing fears related to “change” in Orthodox spheres, for extremely justifiable reasons, but these same fears also prevent essential progress from taking place. It can be very difficult for the voice of a quiet baal teshuva with a well-honed refinement to be heard when an arrogant insensitivity prevails. Children having more derech eretz (etiquette) in public schools than in many day schools are another indication of the need for important reevaluation. Hesitation in reporting “religious” perpetrators who are dangerous to children to the police is another example of how our fears have led to unnecessarily increased problems with disastrous consequences.
After a shocking experience like being intimidated following making sincere abuse allegations, for instance, there may be no viable way to keep the victims or the parents of the victims, from leaving the religious community. But the resilience of the neshama is truly miraculous, and even some of these extraordinarily determined survivors have managed to stick with their religious communities, to work toward significant change.
Baalei teshuva are often especially discerning. After all, baalei teshuva took the best from their backgrounds and then sought to incorporate that into the best way of life that they ever found. So we are discerning about what's wrong with the standard religious lifestyle as well, and we see no useful reason to ignore significant problems, whitewash them, or cover them up. Baalei teshuva are often used to politeness and friendliness from our previous incarnations. Exemplary friendliness, like greeting newcomers to shul on Shabbos, seems to unfortunately take a back seat in many religious communities. After moving beyond the warm welcome of initial kiruv expereinces, a baal teshuva may often be stunned by a lack of welcoming encounters thereafter. He may soon end up becoming acclimated to this less-than-sunny style or, hopefully, he may admirably try to upgrade the status quo with an infusion of his own warm ways, if they don't become overly stifled.
There are many examples of how baalei teshuva, in a steadfast resolve for truth, have already effected religious communities. The demand for an upgrading of special education services, more professional therapeutic standards, and even healthier eating patterns have been indefatigably and successfully advocated for by many baalei teshuvas, previously schooled in ways that could substantially benefit the religious lifestyle. “Why acquiese to children getting mounds of junk food and sodas as prizes in school?” baalei teshuva may, not surprisingly, question. It is not at all easy to ruffle lots of feathers and confront authorities that have become entrenched in some outmoded and harmful habits, but baalei teshuva are often now leading the way, thank G-d.
I guess it all comes down to this: there are some inappropriate behaviors in our religious communities that baalei teshuva may not tolerate as complacently as others, and we are more willing than most to take the initiative to work on constructive change. Whether it's lax attitudes about yeshiva students smoking, a lack of outrage about perpetrators of abuse, or even just a general lack of ready smiles, we are the ones, more and more, gaining the confidence (and knowledge from the complex “Pilot's Manual”) to get out there on our soap boxes, and work to clean up some acts. The vast majority of us are sticking around, and when we come face to face with problems that need work, we don't have to pretend that all is fine and dandy, just as we couldn't pretend that in our past lifestyles either. We're sticking around because we're family now, and when members of our family need help, we feel more committed to them than ever. We are here because we want to help make this extraordinarily worthwhile way of life even healthier, even happier and even more responsible.
We want to thank the “pilots” – our religious-born fellow Jews – for every single difficult effort you have ever made to preserve what's most meaningful. Thanks to all you did, we were able to transform our lives and regain our heritage. We “copilots” hope you can see that providing refreshing outlooks, generating renewed enthusiasm, and promoting increased accountability – are some of the ways we have to give back to you. This striving for truth is certainly challenging, but that's just what we have always been deeply yearning for – and we've never stopped. So keep those seat belts fastened – tightly. We want to keep soaring, G-d willing. May we have a long and exhilarating journey together!
(Bracha Goetz is the Mentoring Coordinator at Jewish Community Services in Baltimore, Maryland. She is also the Harvard-educated author of ten children's books, including Aliza in MitzvahLand, The Invisible Book, and What Do You See at Home? To enjoy Bracha's presentations for both women and children, you're welcome to email bgoetzster@gmail.com)
11/02/2009
Breath of Fresh Air! What a breath of fresh air, after so many years of being told as a baalas teshuva that I don’t know what I’m talking about since I didn’t grow up religious, and I should just be quiet and get back in line.
11/02/2009
What a breath of fresh air, after so many years of being told as a baalas teshuva that I don’t know what I’m talking about since I didn’t grow up religious, and I should just be quiet and get back in line.
7/22/2009
Paradox with “new” baalei teshuva and “old” religious communities I only object to the author’s calling the baalei teshuva “progressive”–I think that’s wrong on two counts: 1) That’s not a compliment, according to the Torah; we’re supposed to return to the level at Sinai, rather than be evolving from monkeys; 2) the baalei teshuva, by saying stop eating junk and smoking and whatever, are saying that modernity is basically overrated. To be open-minded today is to be conservative. Those who rely on progress, even if outwardly religious, show a lack of emuna.