Some of our indebtedness came from little things like a Starbucks coffee every day on the way to work; or eating out two and even three times a week (because I was usually far too busy working to cook anything from scratch…). Other bits of it came from having a tremendously massive mortgage, and childcare costs that were through the roof.

 

Thank G-d, we gave a lot of tzedeka, so it wasn’t all wasted. And I never drove a fancy car, or spent tons on holidays. Once a year, we spent 10 days in the holy land – and thank G-d, as a result, we got to the point of yearning to spend 365 days a year here. So that definitely wasn’t wasted.

 

But there was so much money spent on expensive ‘designer’ clothes that never got worn; expensive face creams and other lotions and potions that didn’t really do what they said on the bottle; expensive household furnishings and furniture that at this point in my life, seems either to have been left behind, lost or broken.

 

With hindsight, I can see just how much money we (I) squandered.

 

I simply didn’t have an adequate ‘vessel’ for all the bounty Hashem was giving to me, and instead of the money being a force for good, in many respects it was damaging. Not so much or so obviously to me and my husband, although I definitely took far too much for granted and appreciated very little. But we both grew up in homes where money was often tight, and we often had to make do with very little.

 

But my kids weren’t growing up in a home like that, and it showed. It showed in the way they left their pricey books and toys all over the floor – if something got ruined, I simply bought a replacement. It showed in the excessive amount of clothes they both had (and didn’t really appreciate having). It showed in the lack of satisfaction that seemed to permeate everything we did. If we bought one scoop of ice-cream, it had to be two. If we bought two books, it had to be three. If we bought red shoes, they had to be green. You get the idea.

 

And back in the UK, it didn’t even cross my mind that it could be different. That’s just how kids are, I thought to myself. Now, I realise that that is just how kids are when they are spoiled rotten.

 

Today, Hashem has sent my husband a good job (thanks Hashem!) and paid off the majority of our ‘chutz l’aretz’ debts. But the remaining debt and the many bad spending habits that we (I) acquired over time means that we are still struggling to make ends meet.

 

So I’ve been following the English instalments of ‘Garden of Bliss’ on Breslev Israel avidly, and my husband is reading the Hebrew original, to see what else, what more, we need to work on, pray for, change, in order to get our books to balance.

 

We really need a miracle to pay off our remaining debt and stay out of debt while still being able to buy the things we need. Luckily, Hashem has already sent us a few ‘financial miracles’, so I know that they can and do happen when the time is right.

 

For example: Hashem helped us pay off a large chunk of debt by forcing us to sell our house in the wrong neighbourhood; He arranged for a friend to buy my husband’s (failed) business for the VAT number, paying exactly the amount he needed to clear the debt; He arranged for me to get a last contract which paid off almost exactly the amount of debt I needed to clear in order to get free of my (failing) business; and even now, He sends us unexpected bonuses and pay outs at just the critical time, to make up the outstanding payments on our remaining debt in the UK and ‘minus’ here in Israel.

 

So I know that when the time is right, everything will fall into place, financially. We just need to keep on praying, to keep on learning better spending habits, and to keep on developing an adequate vessel to actually hold Hashem’s bounty.

 

And in the meantime, I’ve noticed some tremendous pluses that have come about from having tight finances. For me personally, I’m now so much more grateful for everything I buy, whether it’s a box of cereal, a chicken or a new t-shirt – things that I barely registered in the UK, even if they cost me a fortune.

I cook nearly everything from scratch now, which as well as being cheaper, is also much healthier. As a family, we’ve stopped wasting food – very few leftovers now get chucked away, whereas in the past, very few leftovers ever got eaten. It no longer takes me weeks to catch up on the washing, because of all the tons of clothes; life is just so much more simple, satisfying and uncluttered all round.

 

And my kids. Well, the change in my kids is also nothing less than miraculous. They are so grateful for everything they have. They are so contented. Their list of ‘must haves’ has shrunk to practically nothing, and they are so sincerely happy with even the smallest gift, present or token.

 

They hardly ever complain; and they have learned the difference between things that they really need, and things that they really want. What a tremendous gift Hashem has given them!

 

So I have many, many reasons to thank Hashem for squeezing our finances. I, too, have realised that not only can I live without many things I thought were absolute necessities, but that I’m actually happier with less.

 

Less dishes to wash up; less ‘gadgets’ taking up space in the kitchen and living room; less closet space needed for clothes no-one wears; less ironing etc etc.

 

And more. More time spent with my kids talking, instead of shopping. More time spent as a family around the supper table. More pleasure from the simple things in life.

 

As our sages say, “Who is rich? He who is really happy with his lot.” I never thought I’d be so happy to struggle financially. But when I remember the alternative, and the real cost of being ‘well off’, I thank Hashem from the bottom of my heart that here in Eretz Yisrael, we don’t have a lot of spare cash or luxuries, but we do have a wealth of happiness, gratitude and appreciation. And that’s priceless.