Ostriches and Pedophiles

There is a strange and very disturbing phenomenon and coverup going on in the Ultra-Orthodox world, and the time has come to end it. Apparently many parents and rabbis suffer from an ostrich mentality when it comes to dealing with child abuse. They either pretend it didn’t happen or the rabbis threaten to ostracize the child and family from the community if they go to the police.
 
This is utter insanity! People, if a child is abused, the parents have a moral and ethical obligation to go to the police. Do those parents not realize that by not reporting the abuser, they are also responsible for every single act of abuse from that point on? They will receive judgement in Heaven for this person’s actions, too!
 
Many people in the Ultra-Orthodox community are under the misunderstanding that under no circumstances does one involve the police in personal matters. In cases of bodily harm or threat to a person’s life, there is no restriction on going to the police. The restrictions are related to business or money matters, in which case the people should go to the Beit Din (religious court).
 
As parents, it is up to us to insure that our children are safe and aware of hidden dangers such as pedophiles. Our ignorance of the matter could literally mean the difference between life and death.
 
Although we might do our best to protect our children’s innocence, we must still make them aware of what it means to be sexually abused. And we must not be afraid of confronting the perpetrator or being kicked out of a religious community as a result. Personally speaking, I would rather be kicked out of such a community that refuses to put its children’s well-being at the top of the list, rather than live as an ostrich.
 
The first responsibility we have is to talk to our children about such dangers. The second responsibility we have is to find out if the teachers, tutors, and other people our children come into contact with have ever been suspected of or convicted of any child-related crimes, or any crimes for that matter. Included in this responsibility is to never leave our children alone in a closed room with any adult that we are not one million percent sure will never harm our children. For example, if a child needs to be tutored, either have the tutor come to your home or have the tutoring session in school, with the door wide open.
 
The third responsibility is to look out for signs that abuse might have already occurred, G-d forbid.
 
Here is a list of 10 signs of child abuse, which should ignite flashing warning lights for everyone that notices them:
 
1. Unexplained injuries – Visible signs of physical abuse may include unexplained burns or bruises in the shape of objects. You may also hear unconvincing explanations of a child’s injuries.
 
2. Changes in behavior – Abused children often appear scared, anxious, depressed, withdrawn, or more aggressive.
 
3. Returning to earlier behaviors – Abused children may display behaviors shown at earlier ages, such as thumb-sucking, bed-wetting, fear of the dark or fear of strangers. For some children, even loss of acquired language or memory problems may be an issue.
 
4. Fear of going home – Abused children may express apprehension or anxiety about leaving school or about going places with the person who is abusing them.
 
5. Changes in eating – The stress, fear, and anxiety caused by abuse can lead to changes in a child’s eating behaviors, which may result in weight gain or weight loss.
 
6. Changes in sleeping – Abused children may have frequent nightmares or have difficulty falling asleep, and as a result may appear tired or fatigued.
 
7. Changes in school performance and attendance – Abused children may have difficulty concentrating in school or have excessive absences, sometimes due to adults trying to hide the children’s injuries from authorities.
 
8. Lack of personal care or hygiene – Abused and neglected children may appear uncared for. They may present as consistently dirty and have severe body odor, or they may lack sufficient clothing for the weather.
 
9. Risk-taking behaviors – Young people who are being abused may engage in high-risk activities such as using drugs or alcohol or carrying a weapon.
 
10. Inappropriate sexual behaviors – Children who have been sexually abused may exhibit overly sexualized behavior or use explicit sexual language.
 
Some signs that a child is experiencing violence or abuse are more obvious than others. Beware, for we all have a solemn obligation to do whatever we can to stop and prevent this ugly phenomenon.