Self-Empowerment Mentality

A few days ago, a booklet advertising children’s after-school programs magically arrived at my door. I had hoped to find a large stack of 200-shekel bills hiding somewhere within the booklet, but alas… I began leafing through it, admiring the pictures of the kids playing in a carefree way on the beach and wishing I was one of them, when a certain program caught my eye.

It was called, “Self-Empowerment for Girls.” You ever hear that screeching tire sound when a car suddenly stops? That’s exactly what happened in my brain when I saw that title. It’s like my brain just screeched to a stop.

So what’s the problem with self-empowerment, you ask? Nothing, I say! Everyone needs to have a feeling of self-esteem and awareness of his individual talents and abilities. That’s great.

However, there are several negative messages that I perceive here.

First: why is this program only for girls? I have seen many such programs advertised, and they’re nearly always for females. Boys don’t need self-empowerment, too?

Second: what exactly does this term imply?

Third: where did the idea of self-empowerment come from?

Fourth: what or whom are we empowering girls against?

Here’s what I think is really going on. Since the development of the feminist movement, women have been systematically brainwashed into believing that the role of wife and mother is not only demeaning in itself, but it is also an insult to her highly functional brain. Generally speaking, it’s an embarrassment for a modern woman to say that she doesn’t work, or that she didn’t graduate college, or that she’s a dreaded stay-at-home mom, God forbid.

Women are pressured from all directions to go to school, get a good job, and make something of herself. We are told that being a mom is a side accomplishment, but not our main one. Certainly we see nothing wrong with letting an illegal-immigrant nanny raise our babies so we can go out into the real world and prove ourselves to people who couldn’t care less about us. You can enjoy my full rant on modern feminism in a previous article, The Anti-Feminist Feminist.

I believe that the theme of self-empowerment is yet a further attack on the woman, and here’s why. To me, self-empowerment implies a certain defensiveness; a need to be ready to stand up against… well, what, exactly? It seems to me that this term creates a subconscious need to be ready to stand up to a man! Not in the way of physical defense, but in the way of mental defense; as if the male gender is constantly ruling over the female gender in a domineering way.

This is definitely part of the feminist mentality, because they definitely see men as the higher class and women as the poor, downtrodden, persecuted, exploited class of sub-human species. As a response to this, they have created this mindset that prepares women to constantly be on alert and ready to attack if they perceive any tiny hint of sexism.

The self-empowerment mentality thus creates not only a mental and subsequent emotional divide between women and men, but it creates a mentality of “attack before you’re attacked” in women. This could definitely lead to all kinds of strains in marriage, if a girl is raised with such a mentality and finds that her husband is more the traditional type (if such a thing even exists anymore.)

Here’s another aspect of this problem. The idea of self-empowerment goes along with phrases such as “be a go-getter” and “come out of your shell.” Newsflash, people. Girls, by nature, are more docile, quiet, reserved, and shy than boys! That’s the way Hashem made us! What’s the problem with being a shy, quiet girl who doesn’t try to get everyone’s attention?

Everyone knows what happens when there are two dominant partners in a marriage- there are many, many instances of power plays and head-butting. Both of them are constantly fighting for control in the marriage.

Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, created a perfect system of balance. By nature, men are more outgoing, loud, and competitive. By nature, women are more quiet, reserved, and home-oriented. But look what we have done with nature. We have perverted it into a nature where women are expected to act like men.

Do you want to know the truth? The Torah does give a woman self-empowerment. By following the lifestyle that Hashem designated for us, we can reach our full potential as women. Recognizing that you are the foundation of your family and that everyone depends on you is extremely self-empowering. Realizing that all of your hard work and sacrifice to give your family what they need is extremely gratifying. There are so many women that I know who are so self-empowered, they could easily serve on Border Patrol at the Lebanon border- and I guarantee they’ll scare the life out of any Arab.

These women never took self-empowerment classes. They just lived the way Hashem wants them to.

Here’s a great example: in secularland, the average number of children per family is 2, and if you count the dog, it’s 3. Many people couldn’t dream of what’s going on here in Israel, with women having 5, 6, 7+ kids, and taking care of their entire family’s needs. It’s really a superhuman load. But these women have superhuman strength.

How many self-empowered, modern feminist women do you know that could handle such a load?

It’s time to toss the anti-Torah life values to the trash, and start living the way Hashem intended for us. If we listen to the timeless advice of the Torah, I have no doubt that everyone, not only women, will be not only self-empowered, but incredibly fulfilled as well.