Firing the Digital Nanny

“Can I watch a show?” my son asks hopefully.

“No, honey” I reply and brace myself for the barrage of “pleases” and negotiations that sometimes follow. Oh it would be so easy to give in to just one show (and then one more and one more).

This time though he tries a different tactic. “Then no shows for you either!” he states.

“OK, babe, that is fine.” The look on his face tells me this is not the response he was expecting.

“Well then,” he says turning back to his building blocks “I love you.”

My heart melts. “I love you too, honey.”

We’re on day 7 of our new digital-free life. It’s a big change. Overnight we went from an online school program to books and real life learning, from educational television programs to free time for imaginative play, from games on tablets and phones to “old fashioned toys” like blocks and cars.

It has been smoother than I anticipated, but it is in no way easy.  I’ve also come to realize how much I relied on that “electronic nanny” – the digital babysitter. Need an hour to get a project done? Want to have an uninterrupted conversation? Company coming over? Going out to eat? Road trip? Digital started out as an occasional babysitter who would drop in only as needed and leave promptly. Quickly though, I began to see how effective Digital was at her job. After all, it’s educational, right? He’s learning technology and getting a head start, right? Before long, I invited Digital to move in. Soon after that, we began taking her everywhere. She was the teacher, nanny, friend, distractor and bribery tool. I’m embarrassed to say the comment “you need to do ___________ or no shows!” has escaped my lips on many occasions.

It’s laughable now, but I actually considered my son not very “plugged in” especially in comparison to other kids his age. An acquaintance recently listed out all the electronics her 5-year-old has (the list was frighteningly long) as she was trying to decide what new digital device she would purchase him next… because he was jealous of his 2-year-old little sister’s new tablet. I remember feeling somewhat smug as I thought “I’m glad my 5-year-old isn’t into that stuff!”

I’ve been seeing the negative effects of our digital babysitter for some time now. Not responding when zoned out on a show, needing a distraction in order to sit at a restaurant for a meal, being more interested in the game on his tablet than the beautiful views and places to explore as we drive through the mountains – I saw it, but I wasn’t sure how to unplug. Could we really unplug? What would that look like? What would life be like?

Hashem, in His infinite mercy, kept sending me messages. Subtle hints and nagging thoughts that I couldn’t let go. And then an article came across my desk early one morning. A new study showing entertainment digital screen time engaged the same areas of the brain, in the same way, as a person on cocaine. In children under 12, the study showed minimal exposure to digital entertainment changed brain wave patterns and it took weeks of zero digital exposure to reset back to their normal brain wave state. In children who were considered addicted to digital exposure, it took years of zero digital exposure to reset… and they are still considered addicts with a high relapse occurrence.

This time, I got Hashem’s message. I messaged my husband – “effective immediately we’re not doing anymore digital school, shows, or games” and got to work on redesigning our daily schedule. The facts and validity of studies can be argued – that’s none of my business really. What is my business is that nagging feeling that I needed to fire the digital babysitter and the messages and hints that Hashem kept sending my way.

Seven days in and what have I learned? My son really loves to read. He readily will sit for an hour reading his books. He has a fantastic imagination and can build, design and create fantastic structures. He loves to help and be engaged in whatever activities are going on. Outside time, regardless of weather, is a vital part of our days. He goes to sleep so much better…. Maybe due to all that fresh air and play? The less he sees me on my phone and computers, the easier it is for him to find and engage in non-digital play.

As a bonus, the less I’m plugged into the digital world the clearer I’m thinking and, thankfully, I’m finding many more hours in my day. I’m able to make productive use of the time I’m online working and, since that time is now limited and scheduled as to not be a negative influence in our new lifestyle, my days are much more productive and engaged overall.

Have you fired Digital from your babysitter call list? Got tips for a digital free life in a digital full world? I’d love to hear them!

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Jennifer invites you to participate in a regularly held Noahide on-line study group that reviews the garden series books of Rabbi Arush. You can contact her at jenniferjwoodward@gmail.com to be added to the weekly newsletter for dates and times. Visit the blog at noahidenews.blogspot.com.