Accepting the Lows

Why are we anxious and sad? Usually, because we are faced with a plethora of choices, from what to make for supper, to which person to marry, to where to send our kids to school. Each of those choices leads to a set of consequences, some obvious, and some hidden, some positive, and some negative. We are all scared to death of making the wrong choices, and having to live with the guilt of messing ourselves and our families up.
 
As our responsibilities multiply, so do our choices, and so does our anxiety – particularly when our bubble bursts, and we make a "wrong" choice, and we realize just how much of a mess we are potentially making.
 
People usually deal with all the anxiety from their "overchoice" in two ways; either they switch off, or they become terrible control freaks, trying to minimize the unknown, and all the risks that come with it. If we're honest, we can see that neither of these two options is really dealing with the root problem.
 
What's the root problem? That we don't believe in G-d, or if we do, that we don't really believe that G-d is running the world, and that every minute detail of our lives – including the hard situations we find ourselves – has been tailor-made by Him, and is ultimately all for our very best.
 
Or to put it another way, the root problem is that we aren't living in the World of Emuna. People with emuna have confidence in the decisions they make, because they know that even if it turns out to be a "wrong" decision, it's still going to lead them to a good place.
 
What's more, people with emuna know that G-d is behind everything, so they make much more effort to put G-d in the picture right from the start, and to include Him in their decision-making process. When a choice has been Divinely-inspired, it's usually the right choice. And even on those rare occasions when it doesn't work out the way you hoped, you still know that it came from G-d, and it will ultimately be all for the best.
 
G-d can do anything! G-d can turn things around in a millisecond. G-d can give you all the inspiration, information and clarity you need to make the right decision. G-d loves us. Even if we are making a lot of mistakes, He wants us to run back to Him, so that He can give us a hug, and help us to start cleaning up the mess we made. We have to trust G-d, that everything He does to us is only coming from a place of profound love. We have to be willing to say to ourselves: "I'm going to run back to G-d right now. And even if He wants to give me a smack, I'm going to accept whatever He does. I will not give up on G-d."
 
And of course, G-d never gives up on us. He loves and accepts us unconditionally, and He always will.
 
At this point, your Evil Inclination is probably jumping up and down, trying to get your attention. Here I am, telling you that G-d can change anything, G-d can take away your anxiety, G-d can end your depression – permanently – and your soul is almost convinced. You are almost ready to pack up your issues, and move out to Emuna World.
 
If you do, the game's over. Your Evil Inclination doesn't like that, so now he's making an all-out attempt to drag you back into doubt, confusion, anxiety and depression.
 
"Wait a minute, here. Is this guy for real?! If all this stuff was so easy to deal with, why are there so many anxious, depressed people on Prozac walking around? Remember all the times you tried to "get positive" and you failed? Remember all the effort you made to change, that got you nowhere? You tried all that stuff for a good two weeks' three years' ago – and it failed miserably. You felt even worse afterwards than when you started. Are you seriously going to believe this man's crazy ideas?!"
 
Did you ever wonder why the Evil Inclination is still lurking around, trying to trip us up, confuse us and make us into bitter, depressed, cynics? After all, G-d can do anything. He could have easily got rid of our Evil Inclinations before now, even thousands of years' ago. So why are we still having to fight? The answer is: because G-d isn't going to do all of the hard work for us. Then he would be taking away our free choice to work hard which is what earns us spiritual merits. G-d would never allow for a situation where He does all the hard work for us and we don't get any of the credit, because it didn't come from us.
 
Even if we have a teacher, a spiritual guide and leader, who can see into the future, we still have our own work to do, to remove the Evil Inclination's poisonous doubt and confusion from inside ourselves. My own Rabbi, Rabbi Shalom Arush, doesn't always answer the questions people ask him directly. There's no question that he couldn't answer, or a situation where his advice wouldn't give the questioner absolute clarity. But that's not always what G-d wants from His holy teachers.
 
G-d gave us our Evil Inclinations for us to deal with; usnot just our Rabbis. Weak, limited, depressed, confused, anxious us. Why? Firstly, because He knows we can handle the job. Secondly, because every time we make the effort to fight our Evil Inclinations, we are giving G-d indescribable pleasure.
 
G-d  wants our effort, He wants our struggles; He wants us to get up again and again, after we fall down. If that's what G-d wants for us, why do we want something different? Why do we want "quick fixes" and "easy options" and "instant cures", that require very little sustained effort or struggle? Why do we want anything that G-d doesn't want for us? When we stubbornly try to repress, avoid or switch off our negative feelings, we're acting as though we don't believe in G-d at all.
 
If you don't believe that what G-d is doing to your life will lead to your greatest happiness – even if it involves making you anxious and depressed, in the meantime – then you simply don't believe in Him. That's okay, because then we know that we have lost our faith and need to begin yearning for it again. Before long you'll be crying out to Him from an even higher place.
 
I know what you're thinking: but it's just so painful to face up to how low I've sunk; how bad I really am; how futile or pointless or worried I really feel. The antidote to this is not to give up the chase after a genuinely happy state of mind. Run even faster! Push your spiritual muscles to their full capacity; feel the pain. The pain is only temporary, and it's the means to an amazing period of growth and bounty. As soon as G-d lets up on you, you will have relief. This is how we must think of pain in our lives: not as something to run away from, at any cost, but something to go into and to utilize for our personal growth.