Please Like Yourself
Feeling crushed into the floor? Most days, you have troubles breathing, sleeping and thinking. Join the club! But don't stay down there; here's good news..
I don’t know what sort of weird 'ruach' (zeitgeist) is coming down the pipe from shemayim (heaven) at the moment, but I have never seen so many people struggling, so much, to just be.
It's dressed up differently from person to person, of course. This one thinks they're struggling with the fallout from some massive social issues; that one thinks that difficulties making a living is what's making them crack up; that one believes that if only they had a different spouse, everything would be okey dokey – and of course, there's some truth to it all, or it just wouldn't fly.
But underneath it all, it all comes back to the same problem: people today don't like themselves very much, and consequently, they think that G-d also doesn't like them. When trouble hits – as it has to, especially this close to Moshiach coming, when we still all have so many things to fix in our souls – so many of us crumple to the floor, spiritually, and can't seem to get back up again.
"G-d must hate me", we tell ourselves. "If G-d didn't hate me so much, I wouldn't have to go through all this horrible stuff." The truth is, G-d loves us. Far more than we can grasp or realize.
But because we don't love ourselves, we can't / don't believe that, which leaves us with one option: G-d hates me. G-d is punishing me. G-d is rejecting me. And who can get back up off the floor, when they've suffered so much, and then, on top of that, they also start telling themselves that there's no way back to G-d?
All the people reading this, please take note: G-d loves you. You are good. Yes, you! You who's been clinically depressed for three years – G-d loves you, and thinks you're great. Yes, you, the one that got jilted two days before the wedding – do you know how amazing you are?
Yes, you! The one that left yeshiva to go earn a living, and who is now obsessed with money, work, and accumulating more and more 'stuff'. G-d still loves you. He didn't love you any more just because you were learning Gemara (although your soul probably felt much calmer and happier). You could just feel it more when you were on the up, that's all.
When we moved to Jerusalem, G-d whipped the spiritual carpet out from under my feet: no more baking challahs for Shabbat; no more aspirations of being 'cool Charedi'; no more illusions about how much emuna I had, or how holy I am, or how strict I am about a whole bunch of stuff.
I crashed spiritually, and I crashed economically and socially and everything-ly. For a couple of months, I couldn't get back up off the floor. I kept thinking about all the mitzvahs I used to do, that I wasn't – couldn't – seem to do any more, and all the spiritual aspirations I had that vanished, because even the most basic stuff became a massive struggle.
G-d must really hate me, I thought.
I can't stand up in all these tests, and I've just been moaning and complaining for weeks, and now, G-d must really hate me.
But dear reader, I was wrong.
All that's happening in my life – and yours – is that G-d is shaking the big blanket, as our Sages said He would, at the End of Days. The test, the only test, is to hang on to G-d, and to tell Him in no uncertain terms: "G-d, I'm not going anywhere!
OK, you took away my status, my money, my plans, my house, my friends, my inner peace, my ability to learn Torah, my desire to grow more, spiritually – but I'm not going anywhere! You can't shake me off, G-d, so just stop wasting your time and go and do something useful, already, like rebuilding the Temple."
I know you feel crushed into the floor. I know most days, you have troubles breathing, sleeping and thinking. Join the club! But don't stay down there. Even if you are the biggest loser, the worst spiritual failure, the poorest person you know, the least successful, healthy, accomplished whatever-it-is – G-d still loves you. G-d still wants you close to Him.
So swallow your pride, stand up, and tell Him in no uncertain terms: "I'm not going anywhere, G-d. I'm your child. Pick me up off the floor, and take me back to Your palace. Now!"
And He will.
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You're welcome to visit Rivka Levy's personal website at www.emunaroma.com
3/25/2018
Gracias
Gracias por sus articulos. Bendiciones.
3/25/2018
Gracias por sus articulos. Bendiciones.
3/28/2015
Thank you!
Thank you so much for this article. Your words are so meaningful to me at this moment. I had seen this months ago, but G-d knew I needed to read it again today, right now. It really helps to know I'm not alone in having feelings like that. I feel lifted again already.