Presence is not a Luxury

When we’re authentic, we are completely present in the “now”. Our lives really only consist of “now”, not all the stuff that happened in the past, or all the things that could happen in the future. The only chance I have to choose, or make a decision that will shape my life, is right now; this moment.

We say in our prayers: G-d reigns, G-d reigned and G-d will reign. Why is this out of order? Why does it start with the present, and only then skip back to the past and then on to the future? Because G-d is telling us something profoundly important: start with the present. It’s the only thing that counts.

Having “presence” is a very simple concept, but it’s also very deep. So many people are missing out on living in the moment right now, as it’s unfolding, and being totally here, instead of off in their heads somewhere. Our heads are full of fantasies. Before I know it, I’ve zipped off to the future, and I’m full of worries about “what now” or “what next”. Or if we don’t jump forward, we zoom backwards, and start going over everything from the past, and trying to analyze what we just did.

The end result of living in the past or future tense is that I’m not really here; I’m not really alive; I’m not really living in the moment. But “here” is where my life is! It’s where my power is, and where my choices are. “Here” in this moment is my only chance to connect with G-d! We see this happening all around us all the time. Just think of all the people who are so busy talking on their cell phones, they don’t pay any attention to what is going on right in front of their faces. If we’re not “present” we miss out on an awful lot of our own lives.

It sounds like a basic thing, but one of the main advantages of being fully “present” is that we can actually see the signs that G-d is sending us all the time, both literally, and spiritually. The physical road signs help us to drive around more easily, and to get to where we’re going; and the spiritual road signs guide us towards having much higher-quality relationships with ourselves, G-d, and other people.

Those people who aren’t present when their wives are talking to them, or when their kids are trying to tell them about what happened today in school, are missing the boat. We’re not fooling anyone when we space out, and start thinking about what to make for supper, or how to cover our current financial shortfall. The other person feels it right away, and we also feel it right away, when it happens to us. And it doesn’t feel good to be talking to someone who is preoccupied with 14 other things, whether it’s answering their cell phone, checking their emails, fiddling with a PC, or looking here, there and everywhere – anywhere except directly at you, the person they are meant to be talking to and connecting with.

Presence is not a luxury, or a nice idea. We need presence to have good marriages, successful business relationships, and happy children. A person who isn’t really “here” and who isn’t really in touch with their feelings is spiritually handicapped. They won’t know what they are feeling, or why they are feeling angry, or impatient with G-d, for example. Because they don’t know what the problem really is, they won’t be able to get out of their problem state. But if they are being present in their body, they will at least have the first part of the puzzle, and they will at least know what they are really feeling.

OK, in theory, we now understand how important it is to live in the moment, and to really be “present”. But how are we meant to actually do it, in practice? The answer is amazingly, wonderfully simple:  Breathe. Take one deep breath, inhale and exhale, and really pay attention to your breathing, and all of a sudden, you’re living in the present. G-d is always sending us the oxygen we need. We just need to breathe into every movement and action that we make, and understand that we are living now. 

That’s not to say that we have to walk around thinking about our breathing all day long, or 100% of the time. We don’t. It’s enough for us to just have that peripheral awareness that we are breathing NOW, that we are living NOW, and that will help us to stay in the present.

These things don’t come overnight. Even if you commit yourself to working on your breathing every day, odds are that you still won’t instantly transform into a fully present person. If you’re only present 50%, or 60%, or 70%, don’t beat yourself up. If you’re still worried about what happened yesterday, or what could happen tomorrow, accept that’s where you’re holding and be happy. Remember, that acceptance of who you truly are, and where you actually are in your spiritual work, is the key to being authentic.