The Grateful Personality

Our Sages have taught that the exalted act of giving thanks is the master key that unlocks the doors of every blessing imaginable.

Now an explosion of psychological research is supporting the wisdom of the Torah.

We assume that the blessings that we enjoy now – health, job, family and friends will last forever, but obviously this isn’t true.  Dr. Jaime L. Kurtz showed scientifically that one way to enhance gratitude for something is in fact to focus on the reality that someday that blessing will come to an end.

This study simply confirms what we know from the Talmud which is that it is beneficial to focus on the finiteness of life. By focusing on endpoints, we are inspired to become more grateful for what we have right now.

It’s a cast-iron spiritual rule that the more grateful we are for what we have the more joy and security we will be having in our lives. What’s amazing to me is the extent to which psychological researchers are deciding to jump onto the “gratitude bandwagon.”

Here’s a partial summary of what psychological research is saying about what they term “the grateful personality”:

1. Someone whose whole being is infused with gratitude.

2. His or her worldview is that life is a gift. 

3. They feel a sense of unmerited favor, grace and appreciation for all that they have been given. 

4. They look at whatever they receive with deep appreciation and as something that was unexpected and unwarranted. 

5. They sense that good things are happening.

6. The grateful person’s feeling of warmth and appreciation can be for a person, a situation, a place, or to G-d. 

7. He or she is inclined to act positively towards others. 

8. They focus on present benefits reducing the likelihood of taking things for granted. 

9. They are less prone to ignore positive circumstances that sustain a subjective sense of well-being and happiness. 

10. They are more sensitive to other’s feelings and less inclined toward envy. 

11. They are more willing to forgive. 

12. They are more inclined towards spirituality and more likely to attend religious services and to pray. 

13. They have reduced levels of depression.

14. They have reduced levels of substance abuse. 

15. They are happier, more vital, energetic and resilient. 

16. They are better able to develop their potentials.

Rabbi Arush wrote a commentary on the famous story called “The Simple One and the Clever One,” called in English the Garden of Wisdom. The original story, together with Rabbi Arush’s explanation, is a blueprint for achieving genuine happiness, and achieving real, lasting success in life, spiritual and otherwise.

In the tale, there’s a simple man who finds it very hard to eke out a living as a shoemaker. He lives in poverty, and is mocked and ridiculed by everyone for his cheerful outlook and gratitude for what he has even in the face of his grinding poverty. But the simple man remains true to G-d, and true to himself, and he doesn’t blame himself or anyone or anything else for his lacks and deficiencies.  By the end of the story, the simple man’s fortunes had completely turned around, and he ended up with everything, and was second only to the King.

Here’s a 2 minute exercise to get you started on your way to becoming a grateful person: 

1. Think of three things that you are grateful for. 

2. Contemplate that each one will eventually end. 

3. Thank Hashem that you have them now. 

4. Ask Hashem to help you to better enjoy and benefit from those things now.

Extra Credit 

1. Think of someone who you are grateful to for something but who you have not yet expressed your gratitude to. 

2. Write down what you are grateful to this person for and why. 

3. Commit yourself to calling or visiting the person and share you gratitude with the person.