Turning up the heat
What’s going on? Why is Hashem turning up the heat for so many of us, testing us to the limit and sending so very many challenges and trying times?
It’s been a busy few weeks. Baruch Hashem, we moved house, and the move went as smoothly as anyone could hope for. The day we arrived, someone bought us supper. Someone else filled up our fridge with food. Someone else invited us for Shabbat. Quite a few ‘someones’ showed up with cake and warm wishes, and by this point – barely a month after moving in – my kids are well on the way to making firm friends and are as happy as the day is long.
It’s been amazing, Baruch Hashem.
But that’s not the only reason it’s been so hectic. It’s also been so hectic because all over the place, people are being sent some enormous tests. If you’re a regular reader of Breslev Israel web magazine, you’ll know that I’ve been fighting my own battle with irrational fear for the last few months. I’ll write more on this another time, as I did another six hour session at Kever Dan last week, and Hashem, in His infinite mercy, really started to show me what the heck was going on with it all.
So there have been some people like me, fighting their inner demons, worries and fears; then, there have been others who have been fighting more ‘tangible’ problems – small children diagnosed with life-threatening diseases; parents diagnosed with terminal illnesses, G-d forbid; divorce proceedings; major child-raising issues; money problems; out-of-work problems; difficulty-finding-a-place-to-live problems – you name it.
I don’t know lots of people. But a lot of the people I do know are being tested to their limit, at the moment. What’s going on? Why is Hashem turning up the heat for so many of us, and sending so very many challenges and trying times?
I could be wrong, but I think it’s because He’s trying to sort of ‘fast-track’ Am Yisrael into developing emuna. Yes, it’s all very nice to read the books, and listen to the CDs, and even attend the shiurim. But it’s only when a real crisis hits that you can really gauge how much emuna you’ve got.
And the unfortunate truth is that for many of us, it’s not very much. At least, not at the beginning of the crisis. But then, we have a choice to make. Once option is to go down the well-worn, despairing ‘anti-emuna’ route – where we whinge, whine and complain; get angry at Hashem for ‘doing this to us’; try to run away from the problem; try to run away from Hashem; try to look for man-made ‘solutions’ that will get us off the hook and let us sink back into our comfort zone.
Many, even most of us, choose this option. And it’s a disaster. It means that instead of using the crisis as a springboard to develop our emuna and to get closer to Hashem, we wallow in self-pity and despair – and get even further away, and even more entrenched in our problems.
But there is another option. When we see how little emuna we really have, that’s the time to beg Hashem to give us more of it. To help us to really believe in Him, in His Omnipotence, and His kindness; to trust Him, and trust that the situation is all going to turn around for the best.
Emuna doesn’t come easy. Hardly anyone is born with it, and it doesn’t ‘come naturally’ to people, especially if they weren’t brought up in homes where Hashem was an integral part of their every day life.
When Hashem sends us tests, it’s because He’s trying to help us to build up our emuna. He wants us to understand that He is running the world, and that we have nothing to worry about. But this takes a lot of practise – years of practise. Unless He fast-tracks you. Then, a person can literally learn emuna overnight.
Ask anyone who got diagnosed with a terminal illness, but who had a miraculous recovery when they started really talking to Hashem. Ask anyone who was buried under a mountain of debt, but who saw all their debts miraculously paid off in record time, when they started to really make Hashem a part of their lives.
Ask anyone who was in a life-threatening situation, but who miraculously walked away unscathed.
When you are stuck with your back to the wall, and no way out, that is your best shot at really developing emuna. Hashem is giving you the perfect conditions to break through your ego, your yetzer hara, your ingratitude and your stubbornness and to acknowledge that you don’t run the world. And not only do you not run the world, you don’t even have any real say in your own life.
Your main choice boils down to whether you are going to run away from Hashem, or run too Him. It’s as simple as that.
As with all ‘fast-track’ processes, fast-track emuna can often feel unbearable. It’s a cliff that’s too steep to scale; a marathon that’s too long to finish; a weight that’s too heavy to go on carrying. But that’s exactly the point: you can’t do it by yourself, and you’re not meant to. You’re meant to turn to your Loving Father in Heaven, and ask Him to help you.
Tatty! I can’t cope anymore! Please, give me emuna! Please help me to believe this is going to work out OK! Please give me the strength I need to continue, and please get me where I need to go as quickly and painlessly as possible.
And He answers. He always answers. That doesn’t mean He always does what we want. But if we ask Him for emuna, and if we ask Him to hold on to us, and to help us to continue to serve Him happily regardless of our personal circumstances, we are guaranteed to get His help.
It’s written that at the end of days, the whole world will be like a big blanket, that Hashem will shake and shake, and the key is to keep holding on, throughout it all. I’ve been shaken more the last few months than ever before in my life. I know many others have been too. Often, I ask Hashem to help me hold on, but sometimes, when I feel myself slipping, I ask Him for an even bigger favour: Tatty, please hold on to me, so that even if my grip fails, You’ll continue to keep me close to You.
And Tatty, please hold on to all of Am Yisrael. Please don’t let even one of us drop off the blanket, into the spiritual abyss. I know He’s listening. And I pray that soon, the blanket will stop shaking, and we’ll all be there to greet Moshiach, and have one ginormous ‘thank you’ party in the Temple courtyard…
7/21/2010
very moving and meaningful experience that we can relate to. Cant tell you how much your words give ‘chizuk’. we all appreciate your sharing your ’emunah’experiences with us. It is truly inspirational and helps me tremendously. yasher koach.
7/21/2010
Cant tell you how much your words give ‘chizuk’. we all appreciate your sharing your ’emunah’experiences with us. It is truly inspirational and helps me tremendously. yasher koach.
7/21/2010
thank you Thank you for this article. You are an inspiration. I’m also trying to fight my irrational fears and anxiety and sometimes it feels like too much to handle and that Hashem is so far. Thank G-d for the people at Breslev Israel who are working so hard to spread emunah. I couldn’t do it without them and you.