Gratitude for Every Occasion

I am writing this article under duress. I recently got an e-mail from our esteemed editor-in-chief Rabbi Lazer Brody that we writers have to come up with more articles than usual this month because we need to be ahead of schedule.

This was not a welcome announcement because I'm not fond of pressure. That's why I can't play Spit.

But being that I have a Masters in Emuna, here I sit at my computer despite the distraction of my daughter and her newborn resting on my couch, my big pile of laundry, my neglected treadmill and the fact that guests will be arriving this afternoon for lunch. I have emuna that my daughter will manage and that this article will be great. So you better like it.

How come I'm so calm and happy? Because I began my day by reading the Garden of Gratitude. It goes great with a large cup of Hazelnut coffee.

But calm and happy is not how I felt this past Shabbos morning. Although we had just made a beautiful shalom zachor and were blessed with a houseful of guests I fell into a funk of frustration. How could I be lacking gratitude at such a happy occasion?

This is when I have to acknowledge the devotion and tenacity of my Evil Inclination. This supreme entity could serve as an inspiration to people like me who have a tendency to stop functioning when the day seems overly long and the tasks too tiring. My Evil Inclination is like an annoying workaholic who never lolls on the beach or wastes time on the net. It just keeps on producing. It is relentless in pointing out to me “how hard things are and how overwhelming! How do you stand it?” he whines.

“And the gift of a healthy grandchild?” I argue. My Evil Inclination yawns. ”Big deal” he says. “You have a ton of dirty dishes.”

I immediately book a direct flight from the Gates of Gratitude to Self-Pity City. And the background music, provided by my Evil Inclination, is a rude and noxious cackle, gleeful in its ability to yank me down like a confederate statue.

Well I just got resurrected for the thousandth time. Because I will never give up working either! I just take more coffee breaks throughout the day.

On page 110 of the Garden of Gratitude it says that there are two main obstacles to weathering tribulations. The first is a lack of belief that we can handle the stress in our lives and the second is that we want to live in peace.

I have learned that the road to resentment is paved with foolish expectations. And I grew up with plenty, most of which came from watching T.V.  I incorporated a core belief that if I am not having a simply marvelous time than something is wrong.

And if I'm not and there is no one nearby to blame than it must be my fault. Or it must be God's. Well, everyone knows that God is perfect and only a total moron would point a finger at the Al-mighty. So if my husband is innocent, than that leaves me. And hence the self-persecution begins, which leads to a place nobody wants to be. Except the Evil Inclination, who is celebrating a victory dinner and putting it on my bill.

If I want to I can join him but I prefer to decline.

Let him sit there and smirk, let him sit there and whine.

I'm going home to the chaos and noise.

The heat and the spills and the mess and the joys.

But now I'll be happy and grateful and strong.

I have what I need and I did all along!

The shopping, the baking, the tantrums, the tears.

The worries, the doubts, the nerves and the fears,

The laughing, the shouting, the challa that burned.

And through it all, oh the lessons I've learned!

How can I moan when I have what's the best?

The emuna I'm lack is exactly the test!

So open your eyes and see only good

We could choose to be grateful if only we would!

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Rebbitzen Yehudit Channen began her career as a Crisis Intervention Counselor in Silver Spring, Md. in the seventies. After moving to Israel, she worked as a marital mediator and social skills instructor for kids. Following the death of a son, Rebbitzen Channen became a certified bereavement counselor and worked with young mothers who had suffered loss. Most recently she worked at the Melabev Center for the memory-impaired, as an activity director and group facilitator for families coping with Dementia.  The Rebbitzen has written for numerous magazines and newspapers and recently led an interactive creative writing course called Connective Writing. Yehudit Channen is the wife of Rabbi Don Channen, Rosh Yeshiva of Keter HaTorah.  They are blessed to have nine children and many grandchildren and live in Ramat Beit Shemesh.