You Can’t Lose with Hashem

I learned this lesson very powerfully many years ago, and then again just today.

 

When I was in seminary, I worked out at a gym during my afternoon break from classes. It was the fall, and it was always a struggle to fit my workout and mincha into my schedule while still making the bus that would get me back to Har Nof in time for dinner.

 

One day in particular, I was running really late and debating whether to skip mincha (afternoon prayers – not an absolute obligation for women) altogether or not. After some wavering back and forth, I finally decided that Hashem was in charge of the bus schedule, and would certainly help me get back in time for dinner even with mincha. So, I prayed a pretty ordinary mincha – nothing mind boggling, but I did feel Hashem with me in a very subtle way. Then I rushed off to the bus, hoping for a miracle.

 

As I ran to the stop, I watched the bus pull away down the street and was quite dismayed. Then to my horror, watched a second right behind it pull away from the stop as well. Now, sometimes buses in Jerusalem get backed up because of traffic or whatever – missing both of them inevitably means a double wait for the next bus. For me, that meant no dinner.

 

I struggled with myself. The Yetzer tried to tell me that Hashem hated me, and of course I was stupid for thinking He would actually take care of me since I was running late and decided to daven mincha. I actually felt regret that I took the time to do the mitzvah. Then, the better part of me realized that of course I couldn’t regret doing the mitzvah – if no dinner was the price, then so be it. I did what I was supposed to do, and I’ll surely even get rewarded for it! In the end, I took a deep breath, pulled out my Tehillim and thought to myself: “I'm just going to wait patiently for the bus, however it takes – mincha was worth it. Hashem, please let the next bus come soon.”

 

And then I saw it – the THIRD bus. You have to know that this NEVER happens. I had never seen three buses in a row previously, and since then I have never seen three buses in a row either. But on this day, at that time, there it was. I thought to myself “Wow, not only do I get the merit of mincha and trusting in You, I'm even going to get my bus anyway! Thanks Hashem!”

 

Fast forward to the past few weeks. I was in a bind regarding a financial situation. I wanted to do the right thing, but was warned by more than a few people that being honest would probably mean that I would lose even the money that I was truly entitled to and no one would ever know the difference if I didn’t tell the truth. For weeks, I went back and forth – wanting to do the right thing and afraid to lose the money I really needed if I did.

 

Finally, after returning from Uman I decided that I simply couldn’t live with the guilt if I wasn’t honest. Where was my emuna anyway? This is just money – if I'm not supposed to get it from this source, Hashem will provide from a different one. I've never starved, I've never been unable to pay my rent, and Hashem is fully capable of taking care of me. I decided I would ask a halachic sheila – question on Jewish law – about exactly what I was required to do and then do it.

 

As you can imagine, I was told to be honest. And I was – praying and begging Hashem to have mercy on me and let me continue to receive the money that should be mine even though there was some possibility it might not, and to take care of me no matter what happened. Then, I did my best to let go and not worry about it until I would find out the result.

 

Today, I checked online and discovered to my amazement that not only did I not lose money because I was honest – I actually received the same amount as if I had lied. Of course, I hadn’t and that was the lesson from Hashem: I thought I would lose from being honest, and in truth, I hadn’t lost a single cent. Hashem made it work out that I had the money anyway.

 

Even if Hashem doesn’t show you immediately like He showed me at these two times, and the truth is hidden from you, these real-life stories prove the rule. In the end – even if in the short term it looks like you have lost something – really, you only gain. And not only do you gain the merit of withstanding the test – very often, you even get the thing you were afraid of losing in the first place! If you have emuna and you follow Hashem’s mitzvot, you never lose.