Acharei Mot: Sisterly Love
The Ramban explains that it is not considerate to marry two sisters and thereby cause them to be rivals, since sisters are supposed to love one another…
Parshat Achrei Mot
CONCERN FOR THE FEELINGS OF SISTERS
This week’s parashah, which includes all forbidden sexual relationships, is also read on Yom Kippur. “Neither shall you take a wife to her sister, to make her a rival, and uncover her nakedness, beside the other during her life time” (Vayikra 18:18). Rashi explains that the phrase: “during her life time” teaches that if he divorces her, he is not allowed to marry her sister as long as she is still alive. Rabbi S. R. Hirsch notes that marrying the wife's sister is the only sexual prohibition, which is nullified after death, and moreover, the only prohibition about which Scripture states the reason, “to make her a rival” (litzror). Most of the sexual prohibitions mentioned in our parashah intrinsically contradict the order of creation. Therefore, they can never be permitted. According to Ramban, no reason was necessary to give for the prohibition of marrying a mother and daughter, since the daughter comes from the body of the mother, and the Torah therefore forbids marrying both even after one of them dies. Rambam explains in The Guide to the Perplexed that, “The reason for these prohibitions is to inculcate chastity into our hearts. Marital relations between the root and the branch, between a man and his mother, or his daughter are abominations… Therefore, it is prohibited to marry a woman and her mother, the wife of the father or of the son.” However, this reason does not apply to the prohibition of marrying the wife's sister, since sisters are both on the level of branch. Why does the Torah forbid a man to marry two sisters? The reason for this prohibition is out of concern for the sisters’ feelings, and this reason only applies as long as both sisters are alive.
SISTERLY LOVE
Rashi notes that the word “litzror” in our verse is connected with the word “tzara,” a rival. Al though a man in Biblical times was permitted to take more than one wife, Ramban explains that it is not considerate to marry two sisters and thereby cause them to be rivals, since sisters are supposed to love one another. Sefer HaChinuch writes, “My heart tells me in this matter that Scripture forbade marrying two sisters, since the Master of peace desires peace among all His creatures, and especially between those whose nature is to be at peace. There should not be strife and competition between them all day long.” Similarly HaRivash writes that two sisters who are beloved to one another should not be set up against each other to cause jealousy and strife between them. Even after a man divorces one sister, he is forbidden to marry the other, out of consideration that the other sister may become jealous when she comes by to visit. However, after death, hatred and jealousy have passed, and now, on the contrary, it is actually a mitzvah to marry the sister of the deceased wife, in order that she may take upon herself to raise her sister's children.
SISTERS ARE LIKE A DOUBLE EDGED SWORD
Although it is the nature of sisters to love one another, they simultaneously have inherent tendencies towards jealousy and strife. The reason for this might be that we only become jealous of someone we identify with, someone to whom we feel similar and equal. It is therefore, not the nature of a woman to be jealous of her mother or daughter. Yet, stemming from the same branch, the closeness of sisters can either cause burning jealousy, or be the root of the greatest love and friendship. The Divine commandment not to marry two sisters during their lifetime facilitates love among sisters, and thereby encompasses sensitivity to the nature of sisterhood. This commandment shows how important love among sisters is to G-d. Therefore, it is our human responsibility to assure that the natural peace and love among sisters does not turn into jealousy, hatred and strife. Friends may come and go on the paths of our lives yet our sister is always there in times of need. We must cherish and nourish this sisterly bond in every way, and work on ourselves to be a kind and reliable sister. Our different styles or different levels of religiosity should never be allowed to interfere with the natural love of sisterhood.
SISTERS NEED SPACE
Rabbi Ya’acov Tzvi Mecklenburg explains that “litzror” means to link. When a man marries two wives, he ties them together and makes them like one body through their effort to run the household. Just like items tied together cannot be separated without untying the knot binding them together, the wives are unable to separate one from the other without separating from their husband to whom they are linked by marriage. Tying both of them together by marriage is called “litzror.” Each of the wives being attached to the other without being able to separate is called “tzarot” – “rival.” Rabbi S. R. Hirsch adds that when people are tied together too tightly, it causes constriction and hatred. Therefore, the same word means both “linked” and “rival.” The Torah teaches that a man may not marry two sisters, causing them to become rivals by tying them together in one marriage. The reason for this could be because of the natural closeness of sisters, they each need personal space to develop their own individuality. The Torah is concerned that each sister has the opportunity to express her own individuality. I remember how much it used to bother me as a child when my younger sister would imitate me. I felt my personal identity was suffocating, and I had to struggle to be free to choose my own style of clothes, colors and interests. It was very important for me to have my own friends and I couldn't stand it when my sister always tagged along. If two sisters would be married to the same husband they would never have their own individual space. There is another important reason why sisters need to live their own separate lives. Sisters are supposed to be each other's best friend. Our friends are able to guide us because they are not blinded by our emotional tendencies. They do not share the same experience, and therefore see the situation from a different perspective. If our sister were to be part of our own daily family situation, how could she retain a separate perspective as a friend? If she would be part of our own household, whom would we confide in about the intimate challenges within our family? The Torah is concerned that we keep our sister as a disinterested ally to rely on. Who else would understand and care as much?
(Rebbetzin Chana Bracha Siegelbaum is Director of Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin in Gush Etzion. This article is an excerpt from her book Women at the Crossroads: A Woman’s Perspective on the Weekly Torah Portion, reviewed by The Jerusalem Post, The Jewish Press, Voices Magazine, Good Reads, and WordPress/JewishPress and more. To order this book, click here)
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