Let Them Be Kids!

Translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody

Education of children is something that can’t be staged or faked.  The innermost characteristics of the parents are hereditary. A person can’t stay the way he is, refusing to improve, yet expecting his children to be better than him. It just won’t work.

If a parent tries to force a child to follow the best paths, without the parent also striving to follow those same paths, he won’t succeed. Our Sages teach, “Words that come from the heart penetrate the heart.” Only words that are derived from the inner essence of a person can have an effect on another. If they are not really from the depths of the person, he won’t be able to influence others. Therefore, when parents are genuine, they have the power to influence their children.

Lazy parents who are late risers won’t be able to get their children up on time. Sometimes, parents with double standards even condemn their children: “Why did you get up late?” Children from such households begin their day on the left foot, often late, unorganized, unprepared for school, and inadequately nourished, for they don’t have time to eat a decent breakfast. Their concentration and performance are far below par. And who’s to blame? Not the children…

However, when parents themselves are energetic and get up early, it contributes to the success of the child’s education. The morning routine runs smoothly, the child eats a fortifying breakfast, and he is given a good start that he’ll carry with him throughout the day.  In order to avoid being late and arriving after the teacher has already begun class, which causes the child to suffer emotionally, he can come early to school, have time to play, and feel assured..

Children who are understood and allowed to be children at home – to play, clown around, and vent their childish energy – behave as nice, disciplined children outside the home.

Parental problems such as debt and marital crises bear heavy on a child — tantamount to putting a 1000-pound weight on his tender shoulders. What child can withstand such a burden?

A child lacks the tools to shoulder adult problems. He must not even know about them, yet alone be involved in them, as a child is not capable of handling such stress. It destroys his emotional stability. Parents should never argue within earshot of their children and not even debate. Some parents who use their children as ammunition or shields against the other is insane and jeopardizes the emotional well-being of these precious souls. And woe is the parent who must emotionally lean on the child; woe is that child!

Young children can only blossom in a world with no more than child-proportionate problems. Parents must be havens of security for the child.

Letting children know about things they shouldn’t robs them of the chance to develop properly. Children are delicate! They need to grow up like orchids in a greenhouse, shielded from the elements and protected from harsh winds and climatic extremes. They cannot withstand heavy burdens. A tender seedling too cannot withstand storms, heavy rains, hail, frosts, and heat waves. Therefore, they are raised in nurseries and greenhouses. So too with children – their tender emotional makeup creates the need for them to be shielded until they can grow and develop strength.

A child raised with proper care is immunized. When the time comes, he’ll be able to deal with all life’s difficulties, even if they are very challenging, for he was raised in an emotionally-healthy environment conducive to sturdy personality development. Such a child is self-confident and will be able to contend successfully with life’s challenges. But if his challenges from a young age are more than he can bear, he’ll grow up emotionally crippled, unable to deal with the challenges of normal life.

Parents should therefore refrain from bringing their problems home where the children can see and feel them.

Don’t be too demanding of your children or your spouse.  The head of the household should be a support, not supported by the household. When parents come home, they should first give and attend to the needs of the children, serving up love, warmth, attention and understanding.  Afterwards, they can rest.

There’s nothing that can compensate for a child’s unfilled needs from his tender years. A child who lacked warmth and security early on will carry that deficiency into marriage. Therefore, we can’t allow ourselves to make mistakes in child rearing, for the ramifications are overwhelming.

If a person makes a monetary mistake, then he loses money, nothing more. But when a person makes a mistake in child rearing, it’s tantamount to a matter of capital crime, because it causes lifelong damage to a child. Therefore, if a parent is not sure what to do, no action is better than the wrong action.

Children are beautiful, pure and delicate souls that have been safe-deposited to parental care. Parents must constantly remember that a child who receives abundant warmth, love, attention and patience has the tools to succeed in life. Parents must consequently seek out ways to raise their children in the healthiest way possible, helping them begin life with the right foot forward.

Don’t forget – let your kids be kids, growing up healthy in body and soul, amen!