Pedagogue or Predator?

Today our Jewish schools have become rather picky about who they accept as students. Have you ever heard of a 3-year old getting rejected from nursery school? Well, it’s happening! Parents are getting rejection notices in the mail denying their baby’s entrance into nursery school because the school doesn’t approve of the synagogue where Dad prays on Shabbat.

Wait a second… the synagogue Dad prays in is using the same Torah, and the same prayer books and following the same Jewish laws as all of the other synagogues in town. What’s going on??!!

Not long after hearing about the 3-year old who was kicked out of his school, I heard another “school story” that really caught my attention. A recently married woman told me that her elementary school principal showed up at her wedding to wish her a mazel tov (congratulations).  Under normal circumstances she would have been honored to have such a prominent public figure remember her on her special day by taking the time to come and congratulate her – but that’s not what happened…

Chevi wasn’t overjoyed to see her principal because the principal was the cause of the most painfully embarrassing and emotionally damaging year of her life. When Chevi was in third grade, the principle pulled her out of class and told her that she was not “dovening erhlich,” (with the proper respect). This “principle” yanked Chevi out of her third grade class for the entire year so that she couldn’t pray together with the rest of the class, and why? Why was she humiliated before her peers, why was her self-confidence destroyed? It was all because she had committed the unforgivable crime of nervously shuffling her little feet and leaning on her desk while praying the amida prayer, a prayer in which we are ideally supposed to stand still –  but she was 8 years old!

On a day when her regular teacher was out and there was a substitute teacher, little Chevi desperately hoped that the substitute teacher would not know about this cruel punishment that constantly hung over her and at least “today” she would be spared the shame of her name being called out and being told to leave. But the “principle” always made sure to do a “good job.” The substitutes were always informed in advance, and Chevi was sent to pray in a different room where a staff member would personally watch and supervise her prayers.

About 15 years ago I had another experience with one of our “schools.” I was suddenly avalanched with dozens of referrals of young boys from a particular school where young children had somehow learned about adult forms of immorality. The problem was spreading quickly from the upper grades down though the younger ones.  I went to speak to the principle about the problem but as I sat in his office I felt like there was nobody there…and he really wasn’t hearing a word that I was saying.  It took more than a decade for him to be arrested and charged with crimes against his students.

On another occasion, I got a call from one of my own Rebbes (teachers) from yeshiva. The Rebbe was my all-time favorite teacher. I looked up to him as a person and learned more Torah from him than anybody else.

It was years since I had been in his class, and the Rebbe was calling me about one of his present-day students. He told me that the boy had been engaged and that the girl had suddenly broken off the engagement for no apparent reason. The Rebbe was astonished because the boy was one of his top students, a very polite kid with a brilliant mind who had the potential to become a giant in Torah learning. Even more disturbing to the Rebbe was that the boy’s x-fiance’s parents had called the police on his student and charged him with making hundreds of harassing telephone calls to their daughter ever since she broke off the engagement and became re-engaged to another boy. My old sweet Rebbe didn’t believe for a second that a “top boy” like this one could have called and left so many messages threatening the girl with violence if she went ahead and married the other boy. He was concerned about his student’s reputation and didn’t know what to do.

I respectfully asked my Rebbe if I could speak to the boy myself. My Rebbe was obviously uncomfortable with the suggestion.  What would I say to him? How could he shame his student by asking him to speak to a psychotherapist? “Zev, this young man has it in him to be a Rosh Yeshiva (the head of a yeshiva) someday.  He was uncomfortable because a referral to me might seem like he didn’t believe his student.  Actually the Rebbe also felt threatened by this student although he didn’t know it, he just thought he was being protective.

Anyway, my Rebbe reluctantly agreed and I met the young man. I reported back to my Rebbe that I did see violent tendencies in the boy and that he even threatened that if my report would interfere with his getting this girl back that he would kill me. If that wasn’t enough, even after the police traced the harassing calls to the girl back to the boy’s telephone, my Rebbe was still baffled, “How could this be true???”

What can we learn from these stories? For one we need to understand that G-d in His infinite wisdom has created many types of servants to serve in His palace. My Rebbe has far more Torah learning than I have, and I would never give my opinion about the kosher status of pots and pans or attempt to interpret the laws of Shabbat to others. So why do so many well-meaning rabbis play doctor when they are not at all suited for the position, either by training or by temperament?

The other lesson that we can learn from the above is that we need to be much more selective about the teachers and principals that we “admit” into our schools and not be so restrictive toward innocent Jewish children who have a right to be educated in the traditions of their forefathers. The case of the sadistic principle above is only one of many such stories that I can tell you. One rotten teacher or principle like her can ruin thousands of lives and believe me, they do!

How easy it is for teachers to also play doctor and tell parents that their children need medicine and even threaten that the children must take stimulant medication in order to continue in school.  I’m sorry to say this, but in today’s day and age, the educators to whom we are entrusting the precious souls of our children must be willing to be accountable. Our schools should be more freely utilizing the services of competent G-d fearing mental health experts. Educators should know that it’s a two-way street. If an issue arises with a child, they too should not be immune from having to consult with a mental health expert that is appointed by the Rabbis of the community for this purpose.  An innocent person has nothing to hide.