A Dream Marriage in Five

Avi and Sarah were on the verge of separation when a family friend told them, "Hey guys, I love you both, and I certainly don't want to take sides or get in the middle. But before you split, you owe yourselves to go see Rabbi Shalom Arush – if anyone on earth can help you, he can."

"But he's in Israel," they protested, "and we're in LA. Besides, he doesn't speak English." Undaunted, the family friend called the Breslev Israel office in Jerusalem and asked what could be done.

Aharon Dubinsky, Breslev Israel's English-desk manager, received the phone call and replied, "Rabbi Arush has an English-speaking mouthpiece – his name is Rabbi Lazer Brody. He'll be happy to counsel the couple over the phone."

The family friend questioned if that would be effective. "They've already seen loads of marital counselors and have spent over ten grand in counseling. What's so different about Rabbi Brody?"

"He doesn't like wasting people's time and he certainly dislikes to waste his own time. You're in for a surprise…", Aharon told the family friend.

The couple set up a 40-minute appointment with me. I gave each one 15 minutes to air his/her grievances in an uninterrupted fashion. During the last ten minutes, I suggested a solution to their problem (which took me 5 minutes to do), then explained the rationale of the solution (which took another 5 minutes).

Here's the solution:

Don't ignore a single favor or act of kindness that your spouse does for you. Keep a ballpoint pen and a pocket spiral notebook in your pocket wherever you go. Call it the "Marital Gratitude Notebook" and write down all the kindnesses and favors, big and small, that your spouse does for you. At the end of the day, over a cup of tea or red wine together before bedtime, thank him/her for every detail that you recorded. Soon, your marriage will be overflowing with joy. You'll discover how wonderful your partner in life really is. What's more, you'll trigger a lovely upward spiral of more and more love, gratitude and deeds of kindness. The more thank-you’s we get, the more incentive we have to do more and more favors.

Filling out your daily entries in your marital gratitude notebook won't take more than five minutes a day. You'll solve your marital difficulties, all of which are rooted in ingratitude, without spending thousands of dollars in counseling. In fact, this 5-minute/day solution will cost you no more than three dollars! You can get a retractable ballpoint pen for less than a dollar and a pocket spiral notebook for less than two dollars…

And the rationale:

With a "Marital Gratitude Notebook", your marriage will taste like paradise in this world. It's easy for anyone to forgive a spouse who is always grateful, acknowledging everything the partner does with love. What's more, gratitude invokes the Divine blessing of peace and abundance in a marriage, both of which contribute to more and more marital bliss. Also, the quality time of the couple's intimate thank-you nightcap every evening before bed is something that no fur coat, Bermuda vacation or new Porsche can come close to matching.

The Almighty conducts His world with love and gratitude. Let's do the same for our own homes and marriages, our own private world. And, it won't take more than five minutes a day.