Living With Hashem

Shimon owned one field which was his only source of income, and although he worked from morning to night was barely able to make ends meet. Re’uven, who certainly didn’t have to worry where his next meal was coming from, saw how hard his brother worked and had great pity on him. He constantly tried to help him but Shimon refused all offers of help.

Re’uven finally hit on a plan to help his brother. He decided that every night he would go down to one of his fields, take some of the produce and throw it over into Shimon’s field; Shimon would never realize what was happening because it would look completely natural.

Re’uven was very pleased with his plan and carried it out. Every night, when everyone was fast asleep, he went out and threw some produce over to Shimon. This went on for a long time with no-one being any the wiser.

With time however he noticed a strange thing. Although he was giving Shimon some of his produce on a daily basis he still seemed to have the same amount as before.

He couldn’t understand what was happening and decided to investigate. He questioned the employees in his fields but they maintained that nothing unusual had happened in the last few months.

As nothing happened during the day he wondered if something happened at night and he decided that that night, as soon as it became dark, he would go down to his fields and hide nearby to keep watch.

At the same time Shimon had also been thinking about his brother; although he was poor in material resources he felt that because he was blessed with a lovely family he, rather than Re’uven was the rich one.

“I really pity Re’uven because he is poor in the things that really matter in life. I have so much to be grateful for, and I really want to do something for my brother to make him happy.” He decided that he would take some of his own produce and throw it over to Re’uven’s field. And so every night when his family was sound asleep he too would creep out to his field and throw some of his produce over to Re’uven.

And he too was puzzled by the odd fact that although he was giving Re’uven some of his produce on a regular basis he didn’t seem to have less than before, and he too decided to try and solve the mystery.

Shimon could not afford to employ anyone to work in his field so his family cultivated the field themselves. When he asked them if they had seen anything unusual they replied that they hadn’t noticed anything. As nothing happened by day Shimon also wondered if anything happened at night, and he too decided to keep watch over his field.

That night Shimon crept down and hid near his field. Late at night, seeing that all was quiet and nothing had happened he went about his usual nightly task of gathering together and throwing some of his produce over into Re’uven’s field.

And lo and behold! who should he find at the edge of his field doing exactly the same thing, but his own brother, Re’uven!!

When they questioned each other and realized what had been happening, that out of love and concern for his brother, each one had been giving away his own produce they fell upon each other with tears and kisses of love.

And Hashem saw the tremendous love and concern the two brothers had for each other and it pleased Him very much, and He “said”: “A place where people live together in peace and harmony and there is love and caring between them, that is a wonderful place, and so precious is it to Me that I want to be in that place”.

And it was on this spot, generations later, that the Beis Hamikdosh, our Holy Temple, which was the pride and glory of the Jewish People, was built. And as we know the Beis Hamikdosh was the place where Hashem’s Shechinah – The Divine Presence – came down and “dwelt amongst His people”, so beloved by Hashem is the trait of brotherly love.

We now come to our second story which is almost identical to the first but with one major difference.

There were two brothers, one rich but childless, (who we will call Levi); the other brother (who we will call Yosef) was poor but blessed with a large family, and they too lived next door to each other. The difference in this story is that the brothers were jealous of, and hated each other.

Yosef was jealous because he felt that Levi, with his vast wealth had everything in the world, whereas he, Yosef, had nothing. On the other hand Levi was jealous because he felt that Yosef had a large family while he was childless, and without children his life was valueless. And so they walked around hating each other.

The question is who really was “rich” and who “poor”?

With time each one, independently of the other, decided that it was unfair that his brother should have so much and he so little. Each one decided that he would “transfer” some of the produce from his brother’s field to his own and “correct” the imbalance between them.

And every night, when everyone was fast asleep, both brothers would go down to the fields, and each one would throw some of the other’s produce over into his own field.

And as in our previous story, both brothers were puzzled because although each one was stealing from the other on a regular basis he still didn’t have more than he had had previously.

They too, like the brothers in our previous story couldn’t understand what was happening and after some investigation decided to keep watch over their fields at night to see if they could find out what was going on.

And they too met in the middle of the night as each one was in the process of stealing from the other. When they realized what was happening, in their anger and hate for each other, they took to fighting until they had killed each other.

Hashem “looked down” on what had happened and “said”: “Where Jewish people fight and hate each other is a dreadful place and it is hateful to Me; only trouble can come out of such an evil place where there is hatred and conflict between people”.

And, centuries later, a large and influential house of idolatry was built on that spot which caused dreadful calamity to Jewish People throughout the generations. Many terrible decrees were issued against the Jewish People from this place that caused them untold grief and suffering.

From these two stories we see how much Hashem hates strife and dissension and how much He desires that we live together in peace and harmony; so happy is Hashem when there is shalom between people that He wishes to be part of it.

Our sages teach: “If there is peace between a husband and wife the Shechinah dwells between them”. This is referring to our homes which are called a mikdash me’at, (a small Beis Hamikdash), and in the same way that the Shechinah dwelt in the large Beis Hamikdash when Klal Yisroel lived in peace and harmony together, so we too with our conduct have the power to draw the eternal love of Hashem down into our homes[1].

Imagine the power and strength that living in peace and harmony has; it is able to bring Hashem down to this world so that He “dwells” with us. Can there be anything more wonderful than the feeling that Hashem is so happy with how you behave that He wants to be there and share it with you? Is it not worth the effort to have Hashem in your home? And that’s apart from what you personally gain in peace of mind and contentment when you and your husband live happily and peacefully together; and of course in such a calm and peaceful home your children will grow up as secure and stable adults.

Even more than that: with your behavior at home you are setting the direction of your children’s lives, and the tone of their homes. Usually the parents’ home environment is replicated in the children’s own homes because that is what they have absorbed and the way they are used to living; it feels “right” to them. What children absorb in their childhood is instinctively repeated when they are adults. How awesome is our responsibility to the future generations to guide them correctly and set them on the right path to a life of peace and happiness.

So if there is peace and harmony in our homes we gain both spiritually and materially:

spiritually – because Hashem is happy with us and “lives” with us in our homes;

and on the material level – we live in a calm, peaceful and happy atmosphere; and even if you don’t take the children into consideration it’s worth it for that alone.

So let’s all make the effort to do whatever it takes to make our homes a true mikdosh me’at.

And one of the first rules is to always think of what you can do to make life pleasant for your spouse, as opposed to worrying about what they should to be doing for you. And don’t wait for your spouse to begin, because if you wait for each other, you’ll wait forever.

Isn’t it much pleasanter to feel that your needs are being taken care of by your nearest and dearest, as opposed to feeling you’re receiving your just due because you demanded and fought for it – when the results are the same.

In addition to this there are countless little ways of showing your husband that you truly care for his well-being, that don’t take too much time or effort. Perhaps you can prepare his sandwiches sometimes before he goes to work, or prepare a soothing drink when he comes home after a tiring day. What about setting his place at the dinner table with a place setting as befits an honored guest (and the benefit of that is that your children will see that a father is a person to be honored), or even give him a quick call during the day to see how he’s getting on.

There are so many little things you can do throughout the day to make him feel… like a million dollars! You hear, ladies? That’s how a man feels when he has a wife who supports and cares for him. (At the same time perhaps we should explain to our husbands that we too feel like a million dollars when we feel that they support us). May we all enjoy the blessing of marital bliss, amen!

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