Postgraduate Patience

I have never considered patience to be one of my strong points. Unless I am absolutely riveted, it’s hard for me to get through a book, a class or even a conversation.

When I first met my husband, who is from the Midwest, I could not believe how long it took him to get out a sentence. Whenever he told a joke I would be mentally clawing the walls by the time he got to the punchline. And if it took him more than two seconds to get my point about anything at all, I couldn't bear it.

In fact, I am so impatient I already want to be done writing this so I can read over what I wrote.

But I developed more patience over the years. That’s what we learn from life. It takes nine months for babies to be born. It takes years to raise them. It takes patience to do household chores over and over. It takes patience to build a business, become learned and get close to God. This is how it is meant to be, but for people with a hasty nature it's just a little harder.

Eventually, I learned to relax and let God set the pace. And the old saying “good things come to those who wait” (and pray) has proven true. I've seen it with my own eyes.

I'm sitting on our front steps, crying. It has been a tough year financially and we just managed to sign up our five boys for day camp. I’m happy about that but being stuck at home with four little girls for a long summer won't be easy. I haven't had a real vacation in years and I'm so envious as I watch the neighbors packing up and leaving for the airport. They are going to grandparents in the States for the summer, as they do every year. I know I am wrong to feel jealous and in my heart I wish them a safe trip. But it hurts. I haven't seen my family for years and I miss my mother. I am just a heap of frustration and self-pity.

My husband sits down beside me. “Honey, what's wrong?” he asks.

I look at him and see his concern for me. I know how hard he works to take care of us all and how much he loves me. I pour out my heart and tell him how difficult it is to spend summer after summer stuck at home.

“You know,” I tell him, “I always dreamed about traveling. I always wanted to see the world.”

“You will,” he told me. “I promise. One day we are going to sail around the world together. I promise.”

I must have looked skeptical.

“I'm serious.” he insisted. “You believe me, right?”

I looked into his earnest face. “Yes I do,” I lied. “I really do.”  I wanted to believe him. That counts for something, doesn't it?

Twenty-four years later, on a rainy winter day, my husband gets a phone call. By this time, we’re living in our own apartment and our financial situation has improved. We have even managed, through God's kindness, to make seven weddings.

“Who was that on the phone?” I ask. I can see that my husband is very excited. He tells me he’s just been offered a job as a mashgiach (kashrut supervisor) for a Riverboat Cruise through Europe. They said he could bring his wife.

What do I think of that?  Hadn’t he promised he'd take me to see the world? (So it took a while.)

As I dance hysterically around the living room he calls out, “Hey, it's not till the summer! Relax!”

As I frantically yank the suitcase out from under our bed, I call out, “Oh sure, of course. I can wait. By now, I have a Masters in patience!”

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Rebbitzen Yehudit Channen began her career as a Crisis Intervention Counselor in Silver Spring, Md. in the seventies. After moving to Israel, she worked as a marital mediator and social skills instructor for kids. Following the death of a son, Rebbitzen Channen became a certified bereavement counselor and worked with young mothers who had suffered loss. Most recently she worked at the Melabev Center for the memory-impaired, as an activity director and group facilitator for families coping with Dementia.  The Rebbitzen has written for numerous magazines and newspapers and recently led an interactive creative writing course called Connective Writing. Yehudit Channen is the wife of Rabbi Don Channen, Rosh Yeshiva of Keter HaTorah.  They are blessed to have nine children and many grandchildren and live in Ramat Beit Shemesh.