12 Cheshvan 5779 / Sunday, October 21, 2018 | Torah Reading: Va'era
dot  Add to favorites   dot  Set as homepage  
    Create an account    |    Sign in
    My Account     Orders History     Help
  My Country:  
  United States   
   My Currency:  
  US Dollar   
Home Page Breslev Judaism Society Family Spirituality and Faith Torah Portion Holidays and Fast Days
   Dating and Marriage     Children and Education     Breslev Kids     Health and Fitness             
Dating and Marriage  
HomeFamilyDating and MarriageThe Garden of Gehinom
  Advanced Search

The Garden of Gehinom    

The Garden of Gehinom

This past week was quite shocking for me. Within four days, three different women told me they were getting divorced. The crazy thing is that they all had similar reasons…


This past week was quite shocking for me. Within four days, three different women told me they were getting divorced. The crazy thing is that they all had similar reasons.


The reasons ranged from, “My husband doesn’t help me in any way with the house or the kids,” to “Right after I gave birth, I needed his help and all he did was complain that his dinner wasn’t ready and the house was a mess.” And everything in between.




Before you go thinking this is a husband-bashing article, do your best to keep the flames of fire from bursting forth from your nostrils and just hear me out. Or read me out, because obviously you can’t hear me and I’m not speaking.


First, I’d like to clarify that by no means do I think every problem in a marriage is the husband’s fault. We women (except for me) are far from perfect, and we certainly have stuff we need to work on.


BUT. Rav Arush is very clear that the husband must be appreciative of everything his wife does for him, no matter how she treats him. Obviously I’m excluding any form of abuse. According to Jewish law, women are not obligated to marry, and they’re certainly not obligated to work, do any household chores, or even have children.


Marriage is strictly a spiritual correction for the man.


What does this mean, practically? I’ll break it down for you guys.


One: You’re not allowed to make any demands on her. ZERO. Throw that “I have it coming because I’m the man of the house” mentality in the garbage, where it belongs. If you want something, just ask nicely. If she can’t do it at the moment, tell her you understand and be patient until she’s able to do it!


Two: Get off your lazy behind. That means you need to help around the house. Don’t wait until she asks! Pick up that pillow that you’ve walked over 40 times! Is the baby crying while she’s giving your toddler a bath? Pick him up and see if you can calm him! Is she in the middle of folding laundry and the kids are demanding food? FEED THEM!


Three: Pay attention to her. If you can’t manage to pry yourself away from your smartphone, consider leaving it at work or getting rid of it if you don’t need it for parnassa. If you don’t need it for work, switch to a simple old-fashioned phone. There’s no reason to have any distractions while you’re at home, unless you legitimately have to work from home. If you must work, do it at a time when things quiet down, like after the kids are asleep.


Furthermore, sit down with her at the end of the day while the kids are sleeping, and just let her talk about how her day was. Try alternating looks between deep concern and fascination over the fact that the kids drew on the wall again and the supermarket is having a crazy sale on lemons.


Four: Say thank you! Since your wives are not obligated to lift a finger for you, everything she does is a complete act of mercy and lovingkindness. That includes washing your stinky socks.


Guys, take a step back for a minute and try to see things from your wives’ perspectives. Imagine being overloaded with housework, cooking, taking care of kids, being pregnant and feeling sick, being incredibly sleep deprived, and possibly having to work on top of everything.


Now, imagine her husband (not you, of course) making demands, demands, and more demands, all the while not saying thank you nor lifting a finger to help.


How do you think she feels?


This kind of life is Gehinnom. A wife wants to feel appreciated and special. She doesn’t want to feel like a slave or a dog. But that’s how you make her feel when you don’t behave as you should.


How much marital peace can you possibly have in a situation like this? Is it any wonder that she’s nagging you and doesn’t have any desire for you?


Take a good look in the mirror. While your wife isn’t perfect, it’s not your job to fix her. Your only job is to make sure you’re the best husband and father you can be. That’s it.


I promise that if you follow these four points, your home life will transform from The Garden of Gehinom to The Garden of Eden. And, I highly suggest you read The Garden of Peace, the ULTIMATE marital guide for men.


You’re welcome to send me as many “Thank you” emails as you’d like for being a part of saving your marriage. ;)



* * *

Feel free to send Racheli your questions, particularly in the areas of marriage, dating, child-rearing and women's role; write her at racheli@breslev.co.il

New Comment    New Comment
   See More Articles By Racheli Reckles
   Read more about Dating and Marriage

Top of article    Top of article       Email This Article    Email This Article          Share to Facebook       Print version    Print version

 Join the distribution list Join the distribution list
If you would like to receive other related articles or Breslev.co.il features via e-mail, please enter your e-mail address here:


 Related Articles Related Articles

All My Helpers               The Emuna Ambulance               Tent of Jacob
 All My Helpers  The Emuna Ambulance  Tent of Jacob

  7 Talkbacks for this article    See all talkbacks  
  marriage is more complicated than this
KABA4/30/2018 5:28:52 PM
  nice - however...
chay11/9/2017 5:18:03 PM
  Is this appropriate?
Anonymous,11/7/2017 11:07:39 PM
Racheli11/7/2017 2:34:05 PM
Racheli11/7/2017 2:32:59 PM
  Thank You! Thank You! Thank You for telling it! (only subject)
Lori11/6/2017 1:47:25 PM
  Haha! Fantastic article!
Ahava11/5/2017 8:32:08 AM

Add Your CommentAdd Your Comment    Add Your Comment    

In Honor of:    In Memory of:
   Ludmila bat Alexander
Our dear husband, father, and grandfather,Dale Edward ben Alton Edward
Like What You Read?
Help Breslev Israel spread the light of Rebbe Nachman
across the globe, and be a partner in making a better world.
Click here to support Breslev.co.il
 Products of the Day Products of the Day
Back  1 2 3  Next
Back  1 2 3  Next
 Most talked about Most talked about
Up  1 2 3  Down
 Most read Most read
Up  1 2 3  Down
 Facebook Facebook
 Mailing List Mailing List
Subscribe Here:   


open toolbar