Bully Busters – Part 2

“The Bully”, Part 2

One of the most powerful bully-busters known to man is one of the secrets of the world. Believe me, dear reader, if you remember it, it will help you in your fight against evil people and evil temptations of all kinds. Let’s remember that the Evil Inclination was created by G-d Himself to test us and help us perfect ourselves. The secret is that buried in the Evil Inclination himself is a desire to lose. Even though he was created by G-d to test us, he is afraid of going too far and incurring G-d’s wrath.  He is secretly praying that we will beat him up.  Isn’t it proper that we thank G-d for the Bullies of the world; not only are they sent to strengthen us and help us to perfect ourselves , but they do such a great job of losing in the end.

By the way, dear reader, if you want to know what became of Zev (see last week’s “Emotional Terrorist”), I can tell you with great certainty, that he is fine and living as he has never lived before with his family in the Holy city of Jerusalem in the Holy Land of his Ancestors –  but by now I’m sure you have deduced on your own just how personally connected we really are.

The following guidelines apply for all bullies except those who have stooped to outright physical violence – but don’t worry we have even stronger Spiritual weapons to use with these types.

The Five Cardinal “Don’ts”

1. Never speak to a bully. It is no more possible to reason or negotiate with evil than it is to get through to a person whose brain has been fried by alcohol or narcotics.  There is no discussion that is possible with these types, because bullies perceive such conversation as a sign of weakness and are only strengthened in their resolve to do further damage. Speak to a competent Rabbi to know when it is necessary to speak up, take a counter-stand or actively protect someone’s  good name.

2. Don’t think about a bully. Some people although they don’t speak with the bully continue to ruminate about him; they re-play the abusive messages or obsessively re-read his letters. They justify this behavior as necessary in order to understand the bully’s motives and plan a counter-attack.  This is also not helpful because it exposes one to the spiritual impurity of the bully. The moment that we try to untangle the motives of an impure mind we can, G-d forbid, become infected even without knowing it at first.  But “…you can always begin to conquer the evil and bitter thoughts which harass you, because their power over you (only) derives from sadness and downheartedness. Just ignore such negative thoughts as best you can, given the situation, and do not allow them to take hold of you at all. Do not be intimidated by them and never fear them!” (Reb Natan of Breslev, Letter # 404)

3. Reality is Hidden. There is nothing in this lowest of world s that is what it actually looks like to our limited vision. Everything here is “vanity of vanities, a mere puff of smoke.” If we were lent the eyes of a True Tzaddik, for even a few seconds, the cruelty and injustice that we see in this world would instantly turn to a completely changed and understandable  landscape.

4. Don’t take revenge. It’s natural to want to take revenge against a bully by plotting to avenge him. But this is a favorite trick of the Evil Inclination. First of all, this causes one to violate rule number two because it’s not possible to think of a revenge strategy without thinking about the Evil One himself.  Remember the Angel’s warning to Lot and his wife while they were leaving Sodom, “Don’t look back.”  If you follow these guidelines, you too will be escorted to freedom by your own Guardian Angels far from the filthy and perverse “world” of Sodom. Retaliation by way of the legal system is also usually a weak method, because verbal abuse is difficult to prove and bullies like Harold just ignore court orders of protection. Unfortunately, the U.S constitution is being used to protect the ‘freedom of speech’ of emotional terrorists. When a bully gets arrested, it usually won’t deter him, it might even make him feel more important to see his name in the newspaper or on television. There is never a need to be angry and retaliate against bullies. The rewards for someone who is insulted and remains silent are very great because by remaining silent he minimizes his own honor and enhances  G-d’s honor . This raises a person to the highest levels. (Likutey Moharan, Part I, Lesson #6)

5. Never Fear a Bully. Rabbi Brody explained to me how in the upper Spiritual Worlds, ones fear of an emotional terrorist can actually strengthen the forces of Evil. This is because the terrorist draws his “strength” from those forces of Evil. But don’t worry, even here we can be empowered by remembering a simple Truth. In actuality, there are no bullies! People like Harold don’t even exist. Since they have forfeited  their humanity they are merely physical representations and manifestations of the Evil Inclination. Having lost their Spiritual existence, they are simply being controlled and used like pawns by the Evil Inclination as the following amazing story illustrates.

Reb Yaakov Meir Schechter related a story than happened during World War II.   A Nazi soldier, on guard, grabbed a Jew walking by.”Your life is in my hands,” the Nazi taunted. “I can kill you in an instant, and no one can save you!” The Jew, who had a deep faith in G-d, answered unflinchingly, “My life is in God’s hands. If He does not want me to die, you will not be able to kill me.”The Nazi was so outraged by this response that he started yelling at the Jew, demanding him to admit to the “truth” – “it is I who can kill you!” But the Jew held firm to his belief.  The Nazi yelled and argued with him for nearly an hour. Finally, his time on guard duty was over. He no longer had authority to kill the Jew, and was forced to leave.

It was this Jew’s very conviction that his life was in G-d’s hands, and not the Nazi’s, that kept him from fear and saved his life.  His belief drew down G-d’s providence, even in the dark and tragic period of World War II. (Rabbi Yaakov Meir Schechter: Lights on the Path)

The Nazi’s are gone, but the war in not over. People are dying by their own hands because of bullying!  Suicide, as an option, would never for a second be considered by someone who has internalized the Spiritual principles set forth here. Suicide is a permanent “solution” to a temporary problem. Moreover, we have seen that embedded in the “problem” of emotional bullying is the solution itself. Bres-lover  teachings comfort us and help us to connect to the Real and only Solution. Yocheved-Leah Ballen, my beloved eight-year old daughter showed me: “Totti, have you ever noticed that the word “Love” is in  Bres-lover.

At Rav Arush’s kollel we get intensive training in how to connect to the Essence of G-d’s Love; to breath in the sweet fragrances of his constantly loving presence; to feel the exquisite delight of feeling saturated, absorbed and filled up by Him. Yesterday, Rav Arush closed the Yeshiva and sent us on a mission into the beautiful forests and fields of Israel to pray for the Jewish people. Rav Arush told us to pray for six hours so that the people should able to believe in themselves and return to G-d.  Those who are already doing this – fear nothing but G-d Himself and are guaranteed to be saved from all of life’s “troubles .” But as Rav Arush teaches us, “nothing comes to a person who lacks Emunah and Daas (an awareness that Hashem is running the world for the best). This is why you should run as fast as your feet will take you from anyone who offers advice without including Hashem; because without Hashem – we are nothing and so are the so called “experts”.  Hashem wants our hearts; for us to turn to Him for everything because we believe with one hundred percent certainty that only He can do everything.