Productive Pain

One of my favorite memories was leaving home at 16. I wasn’t happy for a long time before that — but the second my father threw a punch and told me to “get out” my mind was made up. The moment that I saw his fist go through our wall, I knew I was leaving. He was a good father in so many ways and I’m grateful to him for more things that I can list here—but what I am most grateful for, and what I review, now, almost every morning when I wake up, is how he taught me to not be like him and how he taught me that I could never get what I needed from him. I didn’t always know G-d’s light was hidden in pain. I didn’t always know that trauma wasn’t just happening to me but that it was happening for me—but, thank G-d, I know it now.

The whole course of my life changed with that decision because in its wake I’ve been forced to make a lot more good decisions that have built me into the man who I am proud to be today.  I was forced to decide that I will never hit my kids—no matter what, and that I was not going to put my family through what I had to go through. It took time for me to conquer my own rage and wish to lash out, but the necessity to do that brought G-d into my life. I was forced to live a spiritual life and to forsake material comforts. I was forced to live in Israel. Only my pain was strong enough to move me to what I had to do with my life.

I have so many precious and beautiful memories, but the ones that I cherish the most are the ones that hurt the most because they gave me more of myself than anything else did. My most painful experiences are the ones that have shaped me and conditioned me and made me fit enough to do what I do today. My worst fears and nightmares and the deepest lows to which I have fallen are the source of my persistence and strength—only pain had the power to make me obsessional about giving life to those who really want it.  It’s only due to my suffering that G-d uses me now to lift people up from the lowest places to reach heights that they never thought were possible. It’s only the horror that I’ve experienced that gives me the faith to know that I am not capable of failing anyone who truly wants my help. I never know how it will come, I just know that I cannot fail a person—and that G-d will not allow me to fail a person who is really ready to live again.

My pain has taught me who I really am and what my true purpose in life is. There is incredible power that will be yours too when you know who you really are and why you are here. You will feel like you can do anything. You will have the energy and the power to go out and help people too—because that is the only reason that G-d makes us stronger and wiser–so we can save other people who are on the brink of destruction and who are ready to receive the blessing that only you can give them.

When you use your pain in a productive way, you will thank G-d for it every day. You will wake up and get yourself going every morning by remembering your worst days and the worst people you’ve known and thank G-d for them with the sweetest tears of joy.  Then you will pray to have more moments like the ones you had when you broke-through and became more real, more of what you are really capable of being.

Today, I have 100% faith that I can help anyone who is really ready for change. The more that a person has suffered, the greater he can become.  The greater his poverty the greater will be his wealth. But to those people who don’t feel the impoverishment of their lives—that lack the hunger to grow — I say:  please don’t call me.  Nothing that I’ve spoken about here will make any sense to you, anyway.  G-d doesn’t want me wasting my time and energy with the likes of you—there are too many people who really want to live; who want to reclaim themselves from the evil they were thrown into—who really want to see that even though they may have had no choice then, that they have a choice now.