Special Needs Children

The term, “special needs,” is used to describe a child who suffers from a various range of symptoms that consist of either learning disabilities, cognitive impairment, developmental delays, certain types of illnesses, etc. While the term is a general one that is used to refer to a wide range of disabilities, I believe that it contains a very profound message, one which few of us may be aware of.

As parents, we are aware of each of our children’s unique strengths and weaknesses. Each child is a special package, designed and patented by Hashem Himself, in order to help the child and his parents accomplish their personal and collective soul corrections together.

For example, one child may be extremely sensitive. This gives his parents plenty of opportunities to exercise self-control and patience, neither of which I have much of. Thank G-d I have a child like this, so I can get millions of opportunities to fail and try again.

Another one may be very stubborn and independent, which gives the parent plenty of chances to perfect the delicate balance between leniency and strictness. Thank G-d again, I get to fail at this art every day. I’m so lucky.

A hyperactive kid might be paired up with a parent who needs to be the shining example of calmness, even though he really isn’t.

So you see, the term “special needs” really applies to every child. It is up to us, as parents, to be highly attuned to what those needs are, and to figure out how to meet them.

Beyond what I have described lies something even more profound within this phrase. Every child is a special needs child because he has the need to feel special!

It doesn’t necessarily matter how many children are in the family, though obviously the challenges for the parents are greater in larger families. But even if the kid doesn’t have siblings, it could still be that his parents are not making him feel special. Maybe they’re working long hours, or they’re not really connecting with him when they’re at home.

The truth is, it doesn’t take much to make your child feel special. All of the fancy toys, Tablets, and X-Boxes won’t make your child feel loved and secure. What he really needs is a smile, a hug, and a “How are you doing?” It also takes open communication and a willingness to listen to your child’s perspective on things without attacking him right away.

Okay, so I’m really good at almost none of the above, but at least I know what I’m supposed to be doing! That’s, like, half the battle, right?

One of the ways to become a great parent is to admit that you don’t have tools beyond those which you were given when you were a kid. That’s why there are tons of Torah-based parenting books available – for people like me, who have no clue what they’re doing. I have read several, and they are really wonderful and should be read by all parents.

However, I sincerely believe – without any bias, really! – that Rav Arush’s book on parenting and child education – The Garden of Education –  just can’t be beat. You owe it to your children to make them feel special and loved. So do your kids a massive favor and read the book, Education with Love.

You know, I just realized… I have special needs, too! I need a vacation at some five star spa resort by the Dead Sea, STAT!

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Feel free to send Racheli your questions, particularly in the areas of marriage, dating, child-rearing and women’s role; write her at racheli@breslev.co.il