4 Cheshvan 5781 / Thursday, October 22, 2020 | Torah Reading: Noach
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5-Minute Test of True Love    

5-Minute Test of True Love

What people in today’s world refer to as “love” is basically nothing more than animal urges and Hollywood-style flash-in-the-pan infatuation that is ever so short-lived…


It doesn't matter if you're married or dating, but there is one big difference. Before you agree to marry, you should be evaluating the candidate - the prospective mate. After you're married, you should be evaluating yourself.


To accomplish both, we've put together five questions that will take you five minutes or less to answer. The person you've been dating says that he or she loves you. Is it for real? How do you know that it's not just animal urge or short-lived Hollywood-style infatuation that has an ever-so-short shelf life?


On the other hand, you think that you're a good spouse and that you love your mate. Take the same test and see if you shouldn't be fanning the flame of that love.


Try this "5-Minute Test of True Love" on the person you're dating (before marriage) or on yourself (after getting married). It's simple and foolproof:


1. How often does he or she think about you: Once a day, once an hour, once a minute? This is better reflected through action than through words. For example, notes, phone calls, small acts of kindness, little presents both before and after marriage, or by lending a helping hand, being patient and empathetic, washing the breakfast dishes, or making a surprise meal once married.


2. Ask him or her if they know what makes you happy and what makes you sad. If they answer that they can't possibly know the answer because they don't know you well enough, then their proclaimed love for you is none other than an illusion. How can someone love a person he or she doesn't know? If you're married, and you can't answer this question about your spouse, then you must urgently remove your attention from yourself and transfer it to your partner in wedlock.


3. Is he or she a good listener? Do they value the things you say and treat you with respect? Don't confuse lustful flattery with respect; once again, this is for testing the marital prospect. If you're already married, test yourself asking the same question.


4. When the marital prospect speaks to you, close your eyes and listen to his or her voice: is there friendship, kindness, and compassion in that voice, or only self-interest and self-centeredness? Don't let physical attraction overwhelm your good judgment. Once married, ask yourself if you give your spouse the friendship, kindness, and compassion that you wish for yourself.


5. Is the marital candidate interested in your family background? Is he or she interested in meeting your parents and taking you home to meet his/hers? This is a sure-fire sign of an individual with serious and honorable intentions. On this point, if he passes the test so far, I urge you to move forward in this match, because your chances of marital success are fantastic. If already married, test yourself as to the respect you give to spouse's parents and family. A warm and peaceful relationships with the in-laws does wonders for a happy marriage.


In picking a partner for life, you're better off using your brain than your heart. Is the person kind and considerate? Is he even-tempered? Is he decent? Is he dependable? Is he modest? Does he come from a family with healthy interpersonal relationships? Do you have a common goal? In order to make a decision, you need to do some serious homework and check out this guy (or girl).


If you're dating, do your “homework”. If your date is only trying to use you for a good time, let him or her go. Whatever you do, don't let meaningless coffee-house expressions of love make your head spin. Talk to their friends and acquaintances. Speak with roommates or colleagues. Make sure there are no skeletons in the closet like substance abuse, gambling, or porno addictions. You'll be saving yourself unpleasant surprises and raising your chances for future success.


If you're married, polish up on the 5 points that you just assessed yourself on. To summarize:


1. Increase those small acts of kindness and consideration in both quality and quantity;


2. Find out what makes your spouse happy and avoid anything that brings them unhappiness;


3. Be a good listener;


4. Be a best friend;


5. Consider your spouse's family as your own.


When you give, you get. Wait and see how beautiful both life and marriage can be. All it takes is five minutes…




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