11 Cheshvan 5781 / Thursday, October 29, 2020 | Torah Reading: Lech Lecha
dot  Add to favorites   dot  Set as homepage  
    Create an account    |    Sign in
    My Account     Orders History     Help
  My Country:  
  United States   
   My Currency:  
  US Dollar   
Home Page Torah Portion Spirituality and Faith Foundations of Judaism Inspirational Stories Family & Daily Life Holidays and Fast Days Israel and Society
   Dating     Marital Harmony     Good Income     Children and Education             
Marital Harmony  
HomeFamily & Daily LifeMarital HarmonyThe Language of Love
  Advanced Search

The Language of Love    

The Language of Love

Speaking skillfully can have enormous impact on our deep relationships as well as on our casual interactions. A word of encouragement can be a real gift...


The power of words cannot be underestimated. Speaking skillfully can have enormous impact on our deepest relationships as well as on our casual interactions. A sincere word of encouragement or thanks can be a real gift to the recipient and the person giving that word reaps benefits as well.


Being able to communicate effectively can also create a safe and loving environment within your marriage.


In this article, I want to talk about compliments. Compliments are a major ingredient for happiness in the home and love between man and wife. Children thrive on sincere compliments and friendships are enhanced by positive feedback. Vocal appreciation can grease the wheels of anyone's day, the clerk, the taxi driver, the dentist, the dog.


The first step in giving sincere compliments is developing a heightened awareness of the people around you and a sensitivity to the good they do. The second step is learning to articulate your observations.


I have been working with a man named Jeff who wants to improve his marriage. He loves his wife but he damaged their relationship by becoming angry and using harsh words against her. After studying the books Garden of Peace and The Trail to Tranquility and with the guidance of an Emuna Therapy Coach, Jeff has learned to respond differently to disappointments and stress. With the awareness that everything comes from God and that we are here to perfect our personality traits, his worldview has changed. Jeff is more positive and feels less victimized. He no longer lashes out at his wife when things don't go his way.


Jeff is working to replace his old way of speaking with a voice of humility and gratitude for all his blessings, one of which is his devoted wife.


Jeff mentioned to me that he was trying to give her compliments but she didn't seem very moved by them. I asked him to give me an example.


Saturday night Jeff had turned to his wife and said, “Thanks for a beautiful Shabbos.” Nothing wrong with that, right? Well actually, yes. It's a good start but as a compliment, it is pretty general. There are no specifics and it conveys no personal feedback. To make the compliment more meaningful he might add:


“That chicken soup was heavenly. I like the spices you added.”


“I really enjoyed that couple we had over last night. I'm glad you invited them.”


“It was nice not having any guests for a change. I liked spending time with just you and the kids.”


“That was a great idea to take a walk after dinner; we should do it more often.”


These compliments are specific, informative and can more easily lead to a conversation. Above all, they show Jeff's wife that he is paying close attention. He is aware of the efforts she made to provide a nice Shabbos experience. There is nothing more complimentary than that!


I taught Jeff to back up any compliment he gives to his wife with specifics. For example when he tells her that she “looks nice”, he can add a detail such as, “I like the color of your blouse,” or “Those earrings look good.”


A compliment like this lets her know that he is really seeing her and noticing her efforts to look pleasing.


When he says, “I love you,” he can list five reasons why. How wonderful for a woman to hear some of the reasons her husband finds her so appealing! A wife can do the same with her husband. It's a beautiful and easy way to increase loving feelings between them.


Above all, a compliment must be genuine. If you don't mean it, don't say it. The idea is to pay closer attention to your spouse and deliver a sincere compliment, not make up something that sounds good and makes you look gracious. By searching for things to appreciate you will be pleasantly surprised to discover how much there really is to praise about the person you married!


In summary, when paying your spouse (or anyone else) a compliment, be specific, be real and be lavish. This is the language of love and with a little effort, you can learn to speak it fluently.

New Comment    New Comment
   See More Articles By Yehudit Channen
   Read more about Marital Harmony

Top of article    Top of article       Email This Article    Email This Article          Share to Facebook       Print version    Print version

 Join the distribution list Join the distribution list
If you would like to receive other related articles or Breslev.co.il features via e-mail, please enter your e-mail address here:


 Related Articles Related Articles

Going into 'Receivership'               The Drone               The Shattered Mirror
 Going into 'Receivership'  The Drone  The Shattered Mirror

  0 Talkbacks for this article     

Add Your CommentAdd Your Comment    Add Your Comment    

In Honor of:    In Memory of:
Like What You Read?
Help Breslev Israel spread the light of Rebbe Nachman
across the globe, and be a partner in making a better world.
Click here to support Breslev.co.il
 Products of the Day Products of the Day
Back  1 2 3  Next
Back  1 2 3  Next
 Most talked about Most talked about
Up  1 2 3  Down
 Most read Most read
Up  1 2 3  Down
 Facebook Facebook
 Mailing List Mailing List
Subscribe Here:   


open toolbar