Blue Eyes, Blue Movies

I climbed onto the #417 bus, the one that goes from Ramat Beit Shemesh to the center of Jerusalem. Following my exuberant grandchildren, I made my way to the very back where the kids wanted to sit and got everyone settled. My daughter-in-law Avital finished paying the fare and joined us.

As the bus traveled through the different neighborhoods, my grandchildren, kneeling on the seats, gazed raptly out the large rear window. Being from Australia they were enjoying the unfamiliar scenery, chattering and laughing away.

The bus pulled over to let some more people on and a young man wearing Hassidic garb walked to the back and sat down in the seat in front of us.

After a few minutes my daughter-in-law who was sitting directly behind him turned to me with a horrified expression. “Ema,” she whispered to me, “he’s looking at porn on his phone!”

We quickly scooted the kids to the other side of the seat and sat there in shock. Even writing back about it now gives me a sickening feeling; it was so disturbing and let’s face it, gross.

The man wore earphones and so I had no choice but to tap him on the shoulder. Normally I would never touch a religious man but I figured that if he was looking at what he was looking at he could survive a little tap on the shoulder by a grandmother. He fumbled with his phone and turned around in surprise.

“What are you doing?” I asked him. He stared at me and I repeated my question.

“Nothing” he protested.

‘Look, we saw what you were doing,” I said. ‘We saw!”

My daughter-in law lost it. “How dare you!” she hissed, “How can you watch that filth on a public bus where there are children? How can you bring such evil things into the public! Go to the bathroom if you want to watch that stuff! Go somewhere where no one else is!”

“I didn’t think anyone could see” he mumbled. He looked at us, astonished, and I noticed how young he was and how beautiful his eyes were. Bright blue eyes… and he was using them to look at horrible images that would eat him alive. His blonde peyos hung down the sides of his youthful face and suddenly my anger melted.

Who knows what he’s been through in his life I thought; what things have brought him to this pathetic and ugly place? Whatever drove him there, it was not something good.

“Listen, “I told him, “This is a very unhealthy thing for you to do. It is unholy and very damaging to your personality and your soul. It’s not good for you and you will only suffer from it. You need help; you need to see someone who can help you with this. There are people you can talk to. It’s very addictive.”

“I know” he said slowly, “I know it’s bad. I know I need help.”

We rode for a few minutes in silence until the bus slowed down. The man got to his feet and moved towards the door. As he stood waiting for the bus to stop I called out to him. “B’hatzlacha!”

He looked back at me and responded “Thank you!” and stepped off the bus.

It took me a long time to stop thinking about that man. It took me a long time to stop thinking about the image I saw in just that one split second. It’s awful having that in my head and I can’t even imagine what his head is filled with. I hope he gets help.  And I hope he felt the concern that I felt for him.

I was pretty amazed by my reaction. Years ago I would have been shocked and furious. I would have yelled at him, out of disgust and self-righteousness (not to mention all the things my daughter-in-law felt and that I agree with). But these days I get less and less judgmental. I know right from wrong but I also understand falling. By my age I have had my own share of ups and downs.

My stronger feeling towards the young man was compassion. He obviously knows it’s wrong to look at such things. Shaming and anger he’s had plenty of; I would bet on that. Maybe there’s a better chance of helping him by speaking softly, with love and respect. We can only try to arouse the hearts of our fellow Jews. When someone is truly ready to turn around Hashem will help him do it.

But along with zero tolerance for the sin, a little love for the sinner may help pave his way back to health, to happiness and to a life that is holy.