16 Av 5780 / Thursday, August 06, 2020 | Torah Reading: Eikev
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The Excitement of Renewal    

The Excitement of Renewal

If marriage was a relationship between two bodies, there wouldn’t be need for purity. But relations occur between two souls, and souls can only bind...


Family Purity, Part 1

Everyone wants a good life, and they invest most of their time and effort to attain the goal of “the good life”. Through observing Family Purity you will invoke “the good life” for yourself and for all of your family, including all the abundance of goodness, and salvation without comparison, as we are about to see.
Wedding Night Renewed
First, let’s discuss the bond between a woman and her husband. It’s a known fact that what sustains a woman is the true connection of love, loyalty and renewal with her husband. One who merits this type of connection with her spouse can’t ask for a better life!
The real marital connection and true love depends first and foremost on keeping the laws of Family purity.
Rebbe Meir Ba’al Haness asks (tractate Nida, 31b), “Why does the Torah forbid a husband to approach his wife while she menstruates until she completes seven days, even if she already stopped seeing a flow beforehand?” And Rebbe Meir answers, “Because, if not for this (being forbidden), he would become used to her, and then become disgusted by her.” In other words, if a man could approach his wife whenever he wanted, in the end he would be “turned off” by her, for monotony would set in, and all the emotion and excitement of their connection would be gone.
Therefore, the Torah writes that a woman should attain the status of Temea, or ritually impure, for seven days; later, when she is Tehorah, or ritually pure, she will be as dear to her husband as the day they got married. Those times when a woman is forbidden to her husband create renewal – a husband longs for his wife and a wife for her husband. In this way, every time a woman immerses in the Mikva, it becomes like the night of their wedding! Literally! A man waits for her to go immerse, and he prepares for her a candle-light dinner or some little gift or surprise, and this creates freshness and excitement in their marital relationship, even after years of marriage.
In order that the relations between husband and wife create a complete union, and not just relations based on desire, G-d forbid, preparation is required. Without preparation and purification of both husband and wife, then only the physical ties prevail. When the connection is solely based on lust, then physical relations leave only bitterness and emptiness, and can even create an emotional separation. The central connection of man and woman is the soul connection, which comes only through true love.
Our sages say, “A man and a woman, if meritorious, then the Shechina rests among them.” What is the meaning of “meritorious”? Does in mean that they won the lottery? Rather, the Gaon of Vilna, of saintly and blessed memory, says that merit – zechut in Hebrew - comes from the root word of purification, zichuch, that when both partners are pure and clean, enabling the Divine Presence to dwell among them. They will thereby attain peace, love and complete unity.
The woman purifies herself spiritually through guarding the seven days of separation, and counting those days properly, that at the end culminate in her immersing herself in the Mikva. The man purifies himself also by his preparation of self, through waiting for his wife on the days when they are separated, and through holiness of his thoughts, speech and deeds. Then, when they can be together physically, the Shechina resides within that intimate connection, bringing satisfaction and joy into their bond.
Generally speaking, the most fertile time for most women is right at the time they go to Mikva. Accordingly, most children are conceived from the relations closest to the night of Mikva. Hashem orchestrates this purposefully, because in this way both the man and the woman have prepared spiritually as well as physically for being together. Through their preparations and patience, they are able to bring down souls for their children from a very holy place, as well as having more love and renewal between them. This directly influences their children in a tremendously positive manner, helping to assure that they should be healthy and successful.
Soul Connection
A true bond between a husband and wife is possible only when they observe the laws of Family Purity. Tumah – ritual impurity - carries with it the attribute of separation, while Tahara - ritual purity - carries the power of connection. Therefore, where there is Tumah, there is no possibility for a full soulful bond with one’s spouse. Only when she immerses in a Mikva, and changes status from Temea to Tehorah, can the connection between them be pure and true. This of course presupposes that she really desires this bond of purity, for only in this type of connection can be found satisfaction and happiness.
Of course, if relations took place only between bodies, then there would be no need for purity. But relations occur between two souls, not just bodies! And souls are holy and pure, tiny sparks of G-dliness (see Or Hachaim on Genesis 1:1). Therefore, true connection cannot take place without purity.
All couples are capable of making true connections rather than animalistic relations, but this requires family purity. Without Taharah, even if a couple wants a true bond with all their might, their souls won’t be able to connect without Family Purity.

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