Emuna in a Woman’s World – Part 2
We pay lip service to the idea that there is nothing more important than being wives and mothers, but we’re influenced by the world's view that a housewife...
Continued from Part 1.
It sometimes seems to me that our values have been turned upside down. When you ask a woman what she does, she will probably say “Well I’m a secretary, principal of a school, a teacher etc. (and if she’s still at home “only” a housewife). It seems that a woman’s status today is defined, not by the position she holds in her home, but by the position she holds outside her home, or by the amount of money she earns – the higher the position or the greater the salary the more important a person she is. A woman will not usually say, “Well I’m a full-time housewife and mother, but I go out to teach or I’m a secretary in an office because I have some spare time.”
Certainly we all pay lip service to the concept that there is nothing more important than being wives and mothers, but how much have we been influenced by the outside world’s view that a woman who “stays at home” is inferior to someone who works outside the home?
And with this mindset we’re in trouble because then we subconsciously feel that all this cooking, cleaning, and tidying is below our dignity. (Let’s face it, if we had the money how many of us would hire a goya (non-Jewish woman) to do these jobs so that we could go out and earn some money – or even just interact with mature company).[1]
And yet this is not what Hashem wants of us, that we define ourselves by our working status; Hashem’s will is that we define ourselves by the role He has assigned to us in this world. And if a woman sees no value in her role, how can she be happy with her position; she’s only waiting for the time to pass so that she can get out of the house.
But how is one to change this view of one’s role in life – from an unpaid housekeeper to an exalted queen running her kingdom and perpetuating Hashem’s world? It’s not easy but it can be done – by switching our way of thinking.
If you’ve washed eight machines of washing this week and there is this mountain of jumbled clothing waiting patiently for you to fold it, and you think to yourself unfortunately I’ve got to do this because this is my job as a woman, you’re very soon going to resent it – you’ll think, “let the maid do it for a change, I’ve got better things to do with my time (like writing this article)”.
But if you think, this is what Hashem wants from me, that I wash and fold clothes (and wash floors, and clean…….) and when I am doing these tasks I am doing Hashem’s will, then even these “mundane” tasks are glorified – it’s not a struggle to do them, it’s a privilege.
(And if, whilst doing those jobs you verbalize your thoughts to your children, you are setting the tone of your home, and your children will also grow up with the right perspective).
One of the ways to slowly change your mindset is to do as follows:
Whilst you’re going about your daily routine, just stop every so often for an instant and think to yourself “How much pleasure Hashem has had from me today. Up to now I’ve done this and this and this; I am a person of utmost importance because I am building HIS world ” (And when you’re thinking about what you’ve done up to that point don’t just a think about a “whole” job that you’ve done, (like waking the children and sending them off to school and cheder, or cleaning the kitchen, because then you’ll feel that you’ve hardly done anything) but run through the actions that it took to do those jobs:
- I woke the children
- I oversaw that Moishy, Dovy and Channi washed negel vasser
- I took a pair of pants and a shirt out of the cupboard
- I helped Moishy get dressed because he wasn’t in the mood to dress himself
- I made sure that Channy brushed her teeth after she got dressed
- I made a hot drink for all three children to nourish them… and so on and so on
And when you run through all that you’ve done up to this moment you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that you’ve actually done a great deal of wonderful things. (And that’s wonderful for our egos too!).
And when we understand on a deep level, that all these “little things” are really part of our role in this world we will feel serene, content and FULFILLED. We won’t need to be running out of the house to find satisfaction; we will be content, like my mother was, to stay at home.
And that, at the end of the day, is the type of emuna a woman needs to have.
All she needs is to understand clearly:
ALL IS FROM HASHEM, AND THIS IS MY ROLE IN HIS WORLD.
And this is actually a very deep level of emuna – to feel that with each action she does – each diaper that she changes, each swipe of the cloth – a woman is doing Hashem’s will and giving the Creator of the world nachas ruach. And don’t think it’s so easy to get to this level of emuna – it takes hard work.
But it is this deepest level of emuna which sustains the world – because without us seeing to the continuation of His people what need would Hashem have for this world?
So let’s leave the seforim to the men – we’ve got a much more important job to do.
This essay has the full endorsement of the Melitzer Rebbe shlit’a.
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[1] And we’re not even looking at the issue of כל כבודה בת מלך פנימה – the glory of the king’s daughter is from within.
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