Living a Lie

You know, like nearly everyone else in the world, I’ve had to deal with quite a lot of stressful situations in my life, from ‘small stuff’ like what to make for supper to ‘big stuff’ like wars (national and otherwise); massive financial difficulties; and moving, moving, moving every five minutes.

You might think that being rocketed from Gaza, or having no money to buy food is at the apex of ‘stressful’, and both those things are honestly very, very stressful. But the worst thing in the world? The biggest ‘stressor’ I’ve ever had to deal with? It’s when I’m being expected to live a lie.

Sometimes, the lies are huge: ‘Even though I’m actively anti-G-d and Torah and religious people, I’m still a good person.’ Or, ‘it’s OK to beat your children up for years, curse at them and cruelly neglect and emotionally abuse them, because nobody’s perfect…’

Sometimes the lie seems so small: there I am, at a social event, or around a Shabbat table, when someone starts telling some cute story about the cute pictures of their cute family holiday they just posted up on Facebook, and how it’s SO GREAT that you can stay in touch with people so easily these days…

As the words leave their mouth, my stomach starts turning itself into a massive knot. Why? Because even though it sounds so ‘cute’ and so harmless, Facebook is probably spiritual Public Enemy Number One, even more than internet porn and online gambling.

Why? Because at least when you’re looking at disgusting sites, or blowing your whole mortgage payment on the pretend roulette wheel, somewhere deep down, you know you are doing a very bad thing, and G-d willing, at some point that self-disgust and truthful assessment of the situation will blossom into some amazing teshuva.

But when you’re on Facebook, you are dafka doing a mitzvah!

I was having the Facebook discussion with someone who’s completely addicted to it (yes, of course they are an ‘orthodox religious person’) – when I got told that ‘Facebook, like anything else, can be used for good or bad. It all depends what you choose to do with it.’

“OK, so tell me all the good things you can do on Facebook, and let’s be clear that I’m talking about mitzvot that are clearly described in the Shulchan Aruch (Rabbi Yosef Caro’s Code of Jewish Law), and not just ‘cute’ comments about other people’s ‘cute’ pictures.”

After a pause, I got back: “You can post messages asking thousands of people to say psalms for people who are sick.”

My stomach tied itself into about another 14 knots. Why? Because that’s the best they could do, and even that is such a massive lie! When someone is spending three hours solid on Facebook every night, when exactly are they meant to be saying all these prayers?

But the sins you can do on Facebook? There is literally no end to them. You write one cutting comment calling someone an ‘imbecilic moron’ for linking to an article you don’t like – and 300 ‘friends’ see it – you just spoke lashon hara (evil speech) to 300+ people. According to the Chofetz Chaim, each word of evil speech transgresses 17 negative mitzvot, and 14 positive mitzvot – and yes, it still counts if you ‘only’ write it. 2 words x 31 sins x 300 people = 18,600 sins. Nice work for two seconds’ of typing!

But let’s say you don’t say a word, you just look at every one else’s amazing pictures, and read about every one else’s amazing life – and a bitter root of jealousy and envy starts to flower in your heart, because your life sucks! (If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be spending so much time on Facebook…) Not coveting is the tenth of the Ten Commandments, vis: “You shall not covet your fellow’s house. You shall not covet your fellow’s wife, his manservant, maidservant, ox, donkey, not anything that belongs to your fellow.“

But let’s say, you’re the one with the great life, and the great house etc etc, and you don’t write anything about anyone, you just like to look at other people’s ‘stupid’ comments and to judge them and their opinions. But you never voice it to anyone else! You never write it! What can be wrong with you using Facebook?

Our Sages tell us that sinat chinam, or baseless hatred, caused the destruction of the Second Temple and the current, horrible, apparently endless exile.

How can you not hate someone in your heart, when they post up pro-Palestinian propaganda? Or when they start rubbishing some of the holiest people around? Or when they come out with vile, poisonous drivel about belief in G-d being ‘opium of the masses’, G-d forbid?

That’s a toughie.

At the end of my conversation with the ‘orthodox religious’ hardcore Facebook user, they started having a go at ‘out-of-touch rabbis’ who are just against the internet and Facebook for ‘political reasons’, whatever that means.

This person used to learn every day; they used to love Torah; they used to respect rabbanim; they used to love G-d. Now? Now they’re addicted to the ‘mitzva’ of Facebook. Now, they are completely living a lie. And all I can do is weep, and beg Hashem to have mercy on them.

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You’re welcome to write Rivka Levy at rivkawritesback@gmail.com