Relinquish Control – Spiritual Weapons, Part 10

In Part 9 – The “I” Syndrome, I explained the important lesson I learned  as  the civil divorce dragged on and on, without any of the weapons seeming to “work” until I discovered the key that was holding me back. I thought I had now learned it all – but Hashem had one more important lesson to teach me, another foundational lesson which we all need to learn. 

The civil divorce was finally done and the gett secured for almost a year, but I was still very much in limbo – my house was not selling with the downturn in the market (if you remember the downturn of 2008) and I was out of a job. I was greatly distressed by the lack of direction in my life. I had turned my life around and somehow managed to crawl out of the pit, but what now?  

All I wanted was to turn the page and move forward in my life – but my underwater house was literally dragging me down. I felt like I was drowning. After everything I had been through, I was STILL STUCK. You can’t imagine the feeling.  

One day in personal prayer, I realized that nothing was happening because I wasn’t ready for it to happen. Hashem specifically created a space, a little break, where I could take a breath from all the insanity before jumping into my new life. Moreover, I needed time to trust myself and my decisions again in order to be able to handle the stress of making big life changes. In the meantime, Hashem just wanted me to relax and recuperate! 

Essentially, I was failing to recognize the good in my life situation. Instead of being at peace with the life Hashem had given me, I was railing against it, wishing I had different circumstances. I was chomping at the bit, when Hashem was specifically trying to get me to relax! I needed to let go and let Hashem be in control; not me – with the trust that surely what Hashem is doing for me, is good. Even if that means limbo, which I hate! 

With this realization, I was able to sit back and relax, enjoying my forced vacation of sorts. I took extra time to do enjoyable and productive activities and didn’t worry as much about what was going to be with x, y, or z situation, or if a job prospect fell through, or whatever. 

Now I understand that the entire point of this limbo period was only to strengthen my emuna in Hashem and come to this realization. Within just a week of my finally being at peace with being in limbo, and thanking Hashem for the entire situation – I was no longer in limbo. The house went under contract against all odds, at a price I could afford to sell it at, thus saving me a short sale (even bigger odds!) and I was suddenly free. That same week Hashem also sent me a job – in Israel. 

As I write this article, I am sitting on a Nefesh B’Nefesh charter flight, about to begin my descent to land in Israel and begin my new life. This flight just “happened” to leave exactly one year from the date I received the gett, which also coincides with my birthday.  

It also just “happened” to be just shy of 3 weeks from the date the house went under contract. As you can imagine, packing an entire house and selling the rest in less than 3 weeks was nothing short of completely insane and boy, was I glad that I came into those weeks well rested. Hashem knew that I needed to gain strength in order to prepare for my new life, and it truly was for the best! 

Oftentimes, the reasons for Hashem’s actions are not as readily apparent as this situation happens to be. But with “radical acceptance” of our situation and finding ways to be happy and enjoy whatever we can within the reality that we are faced with, thanking Hashem within the emuna that it’s somehow perfectly good exactly as it is right now – it may just be that Hashem no longer needs to send us that trial or tribulation anymore, as in my case. 

I pray that just like the beautiful dawn I just witnessed on this flight, a new day should dawn for the Jewish people and the world. A new day which brings the  geula  shleima – the complete redemption – and Mashiach. A day in which all of our people home  to our land. A day in which Hashem shows us how everything was truly for the very best throughout our history, and our future holds no fear of pain, very soon and in our days. 

You can read the Epilogue to the story here after landing in Israel – Hashem’s Pace.