Part 2: Grounding in Uncertain Times

As I discussed in Part 1, one of the most important aspects of weathering these uncertain times is helping the children (and yourself!) to stay calm and learn how to manage to the best of our abilities in a productive manner. Last week we discussed the first part of staying calm using our minds and our bodies, and now let’s discuss tips to manage as best as we can within the mayhem.

One of the most important things for children, and also adults, is a healthy daily schedule. Children simply need order! Even the children who seem to defy order and sanity the most – they are actually the children that need order the most.  

Usually, we create the children’s schedules around school. Right now, most kids are still at home for all or most of the day, and they are learning online or by telephone. Suddenly, busy parents with work and other requirements, not only have their kids at home – but they have been turned into tutors as well! As if we didn’t already have enough on our backs, especially since some of us are used to having additional cleaning or household help which has generally stopped as well…

The solution is to sit down and make a rough schedule. Make sure the kids know that this schedule is going to run just like school – at this time we have breakfast, the first class starts at 9AM, break is at 10AM, lunch is at noon… make sure to leave some down time and break time for the inevitable times when things will run a bit late or off schedule. Even more crucial, is wake up and bedtimes – the brackets to the day which make sure that even if one day went completely crazy, the next day will get off on the right foot with Hashem’s help.

Don’t forget to make a schedule of how each child is going to help out with housework, and at what time! Part of learning appreciation is not letting children think they have it all coming to them, without needing to give back. If you’ve never done this before, then have a family meeting and discuss that we are now in a situation where everyone simply must pitch in. If explained with love, and not fear, and then implemented with encouragement, positive words even if the work is imperfect and patience, with Hashem’s help most children are more than willing to help at home. Generally, children are expected to clean up, help out, and are given tasks to do when at school – why should home be any different?

Even the smallest children can help. I set up a step-system, where chores like washing (non-breakable and small) dishes (while standing on a stool) and sweeping are done by the preschooler, then one of the bigger kids comes and does it again. Then I rinse and check the dishes, check the floor, etc. The smallest kid folds square items, the middle kid folds medium items, and the biggest kid folds bigger and more difficult items like polo shirts. If you start them helping young and encourage them, they might complain a bit as they get bigger, but the concept that everyone helps out will be normal to them, as opposed to “chores” that you suddenly throw on them when they are used to just taking without giving back.

Make sure to leave some open time in the schedule to simply be together. Nothing calms children like quality time with their family! Cook something together, learn together, play a game – even clean the house or fold the laundry together. You can use this relaxed time to ask bigger children about their thoughts, worries and fears as well, or to thank Hashem for every detail of whatever you are involved in.

Time in the daily schedule for art and creativity is also very important. Do your best to give them different tools every day – one day markers, another crayons, Play Dough (bought or made at home), play clay (“Plastelina” in Hebrew), another time when you can watch them scissors and glue, paint, etc. This will continue their fine motor skill development, while giving them an outlet for their emotions. Creating something themselves also gives them self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment. Older children can also be asked to journal or write about their emotions, and write thank-you’s to Hashem to help keep them thinking positively.

Especially for those with only small children, the schedule is going to need some flexibility. The older the children, the more ability there is for a more rigid schedule to the minute. Either way, the key is “law and order”! Set some ground rules that everyone has to live by that have clear consequences like one of my favorites: anyone who leaves the kitchen during dinner simply must not be hungry anymore or you wouldn’t leave, and therefore begins bedtime routine immediately! Then create the order of the day, hang it in the kitchen or somewhere that everyone will see it, and just do your best to keep getting back onto the schedule, even if you get off.

You can do it! And everyone in the house will appreciate it. Be prepared that some kids might fight it at first, but be patient and don’t give in, and you’ll reap the rewards. No one likes uncertainty, and certainly not children whose lives revolve around what we tell them to do. Routine gives everyone grounding, which can only be helpful in these uncertain times!

I would love to hear if you tried any of these ideas, what worked, and what didn’t – please email me directly at Rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il. Even better, comment on the article – let’s get a discussion going with your ideas too!

Inspired by the “Education with Love” column by Rav Yitzchak Abuchatzera in the Hebrew weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter