Heartbeats

“How long have you had a heart murmur?” the doctor asked with a concerned look on her face. I half laughed and said “I don’t have a heart murmur.”

I was at her office at the insistence of family, having been sick for several weeks and struggling to maintain my oxygen levels. I had agreed only because this doctor was new to our small town and our only naturopathic physician. A good option for me as she is well versed in non-traditional medicine.

Her question took me completely off guard. “My heart is fine!” I thought defiantly. I explained to her that my heart was beating fast due to being sick… trying to convince her that what she was hearing was not a heart problem.

“No.” She said kindly as she shook her head. “You have a heart murmur and it’s quite loud. We need to get you in for an electrocardiogram at the hospital.”

I’d had an in-depth physical nine months previously and, like many people, an annual physical exam for as long as I can remember. No doctor had ever mentioned a murmur. This concerned the doctor. The murmur was most likely something new.

The process from our initial visit until a return visit to get the test results took about 3 weeks.

Three weeks of time to think and little energy, due to my sickness, for much else. Three weeks to spend talking this out with Hashem. Three weeks to think about the real time video images of my heart I’d been able to see during the test. Each heart beat an absolute miracle and here I was watching it on a computer monitor as the technician clicked and colored and measured the beats. Three weeks to realize once again, how perfectly Hashem works all the little details of our lives to help us get where we need to go.

Can there be any doubt of His wonderful loving kindnesses in our lives?! He coordinated moving a specialist I was specifically looking for to my small town – That is no small feat in and of itself. He blessed me with a sickness that made me just sick enough to agree to see the doctor. A doctor who found a murmur in my heart when she was listening to my clogged up lungs. Then He gave me three weeks to spend in quiet reflection. Enough time to make sure my emuna was good and bolstered up before hearing the results of the heart test.

My husband and I sat in the office as the doctor bustled in having just cared for her own newborn and taken time to visit with my son in the play room. Have I mentioned how much I truly love living in a small town? She pulled up the test results on her computer and quietly studied them.

A defective or damaged valve she explained. Allowing blood to regurgitate where it’s not supposed to be and most likely made worse by my low iron levels. But the good news, she clarifies, is that although the murmur is loud, it is minor. There is no need to address it other than to get my iron levels up and continue to work on some of my other vitamin / mineral shortages.

Hashem is our loving Father who intimately knows every working of our bodies and lives. Every beat of our hearts. Every breath of our lungs. Every word. Every thought. Each one a miracle! He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. The more we strengthen our emuna, strive to connect with Him, thank Him for every aspect of our lives and listen to the messages He sends us the more we can begin to see His hand directing and caring for us.

I’m lucky, the doctor explains. It’s good we found this as it gives a baseline for the future… if I ever start to have symptoms indicating the valve is getting worse.

I smile and think about each beat of my heart. “No, not lucky” I think. “Blessed.”

* * *

Jennifer invites you to participate in a regularly held Noahide on-line study group that reviews the garden series books of Rabbi Arush. You can contact her at jenniferjwoodward@gmail.com to be added to the weekly newsletter for dates and times. Visit the blog at noahidenews.blogspot.com.