Sticky Situation

To say that Hashem uses our children to inspire our own self-correction is probably an understatement. They are a mirror that reflects everything and talks back and shows you just about every flaw you have. It is very similar to the experience with the mirrors in dressing rooms with the horrible lighting and the overly “helpful” attendant who asks if they can bring you a larger size… Again. Why is the lighting so horrible in those places? I am sure I didn’t look like that, or wear that size clothing, when I left my house in the morning.

Anyways, back to our children being our mirror. I’ve learned a helpful little tidbit recently – if you ignore the lesson Hashem is trying to show you in that mirror… the lesson will just keep coming ‘round and ‘round again. It’s kind of like groundhog’s day, or a trip to the park with just “one more time on the swing” even though your arm feels like it’s about to fall off. “Again! Again!” Requests the little mirror,  uh child, with glee.

Lately, Hashem has been trying to get a message across to me about my patience level – or rather lack thereof. I have this tendency to lean toward a react then think mode of operation vs the engage emuna, think, then respond mode. Boy, let me tell you, when Hashem wants you to work on something He gives you great opportunities to do so! I’ll give you an example I experienced lately:

Test #1 – Little guy was riding his trike around a “track” that involved zooming through Dada’s shop then out onto the sidewalk, around the patio and back through the shop again. It was perfect – he was in my view constantly except for a few brief moments when he was inside the shop AND I was able to get some work done as he joyfully sped around. But something didn’t sound quite right when he was going through the shop. I go out to investigate and find that the noise, and my son’s excitement, was from him riding his trike through a large tin with motor oil in it. Oily tire tracks decorated the shop floor.

In hind sight this was a perfect teaching opportunity and bonding experience as we cleaned up the floor. Instead, I would say I failed the test as I complained and grumped about as I ordered him to help me clean up the mess.

Test #2 – Came the very next day. Similar situation only replace oily tire marks with oily shoe marks from brand new sandals oh so delicately dipped in oil and then sprints around the shop.

Somebody had obviously not learned their lesson. That somebody was me. Unfortunately, test #1 obviously hadn’t taught me anything and I made an even bigger deal with my complaining, grumping and trying to make my little guy act like he understood that he did something he shouldn’t have.

When I finally calmed down, I felt bad. My proper train of thought kicked in. I knew I was in the wrong with the way I had handled the situation. I determined that I would do better!  I asked Hashem to help me! To give me another chance!

Test #3 – That next chance happened early the next morning: “Hey, what’s all this white stuff on the couch?” my mom asked. I take a look and think at first that maybe some food had been smeared on it… but it was sticky and crusty and it didn’t wipe off. On the arm of the couch there was half a grape stuck into the goo. I stared at it, perplexed. Then my son walks by and says casually “its glue.” “Glue?” I say confused then “oh, glue.” I remember having tossed a stick of glue in the trash. My son had that trash can over by the couch later that day. Glue.

This time though I remembered my emuna, thank you Hashem! This was an opportunity for teaching – for both me and my son. “No worries, we’ll take care of it later.” I say in an honestly cheerful tone and we continue with our morning chores. He apologizes… one of those real apologies… and explains that he was curious and that it got away from him when he opened it. I could understand… that’s why I threw that tube out – it was a messy one.

Later I scrubbed and cleaned and picked and scratched that glue off the couch as my son sat there eagerly helping. I was so thankful for the opportunity Hashem had given me to try once again to improve my patience and look for beautiful, even sticky, chances to educate with love.

I remembered Rabbi Arush’s book – The Garden of Education, Education with Love – and decided it’s about time I read that one again. If you haven’t read it yet, I strongly suggest it! The lessons are vital and of great assistance as we navigate this thing called parenting.

* * *

Jennifer invites you to participate in a regularly held Noahide on-line study group that reviews the garden series books of Rabbi Arush. You can contact her at jenniferjwoodward@gmail.com to be added to the weekly newsletter for dates and times. Visit the blog at noahidenews.blogspot.com.