The Careful Student
After a long day of changing diapers and chasing toddlers and paying bills and doing dishes, it’s a delight to go to your favorite Torah class and feed your soul…
This week I was blessed to graduate from a three-year Torah learning program. It was a basic course about various facets of Jewish history, Tanach, holidays, and kosher living. It is a program designed for Jewish adults that hopefully accomplishes many things like getting not so observant to become more so, to teach the already observant about why they are doing what they are doing, to re-teach some material with which people are already familiar but from an Orthodox perspective – stuff like that. As a Bat Noach I really enjoyed the classes and learned a great deal, even though the classes were not designed for Bnei Noach. I think that this is perhaps the kind of activity that more Bnei Noach should be participating in.
Before we moved to Atlanta I had already scoped out the classes on the internet. Within days of arriving, I went to one of the rabbis who runs the kollel, told him who I was, and asked permission to take the classes. I was giddy when he agreed. In the small city where we lived before learning opportunities like this did not exist. It took awhile for me to get over my insecurity about being the only non-Jew there who was not converting, but the learning was worth the discomfort. I asked permission first to be polite and also to make sure that the rabbis understood that I am not some weirdo missionary sneaking into their shuls. Eventually they all figured out that I was telling the truth. As a side note, for someone to think I, enemy to missionaries, could actually be one felt like a painful and cruel joke. Ultimately I took it as a sign that Hashem needs for me to be humble and to remember that I was there to learn about Him, not for my ego.
I really feel strongly that Bnei Noach need to be near Orthodox communities and that we need to learn appropriate material for both groups together at least some of the time. Issues about how together or how separate we should all be are ultimately for rabbis to scope out, in my opinion. Some advocate intense levels of separateness, others much less. Clearly these rabbis know infinitely more about the whys than I, and I am not trying to pretend otherwise. I do humbly share my opinion that togetherness in Torah learning has been a positive in my experience.
I thought it might be interesting to some people to share how I handled it. I offer this only as my opinion.
1. Be clear about who you are with the rabbis/teachers before you show up. Once I was there I did not make an announcement to the entire class because I thought that would be very weird and unnatural. I am not sure it is anyone’s business who does not know me anyway. As I got to know people, I explained what I believe in a comfortable and natural way. But I do not stick my hand out to my classmates and say, “Alice Jonsson, Bat Noach.” That feels nutty.
2. It is crucial that Bnei Noach understand that there are rules laid out in Torah that apply to Jews and rules that apply to Bnei Noach. Some of the rules apply to both groups. Some do not. You need your own rabbi to help you understand, in his opinion, which apply to you and which do not. The person teaching a course you take may not know. Most rabbis do not spend a great deal of time on the subject. Hopefully that will change as more non-Jews become interested in living by the Torah. My point is if you are in a class designed for Jewish people, perhaps we should try not to bug the teacher with questions about what applies to Bnei Noach and what does not in the middle of class. You can ask afterwards or simply ask your own rabbi later. I often saw the learning as general Torah learning which mostly applies to Jews. What I do is something my rabbi determines.
3. Although I still struggle to see myself as part of a group, I tried to remember that what I do reflects upon Bnei Noach in general, especially because I might be the first Bat Noach these people meet. It is human nature to generalize – we all do it. Therefore it perhaps behooves us all to represent a little, to think about the impressions we make on others. I am not trying to suggest we behave like hyper-correct robots or lose our individuality, God forbid. But it is something to think about as we build bridges with anyone, Jew or not.
4. You might make some friends and then again, you might not. As I shared earlier, there are people in the Jewish community who have friends from every community and there are Jewish people who do not, especially within Orthodoxy. That will probably always be true. I grew up with tons of Jewish people so that was hard for me to get used to. Now I really do not care. I am nice, but some people will take it and some will leave it. Some people will take you, some will leave you, just like in any other setting if you think about it. And you and I will take some people and leave others; it is human nature. Even if I did not make a million friends, community building still occurred. Sometimes just being together and focusing Hashem and Torah in the same space accomplishes a great deal.
5. I was surprised to learn that there were people from every walk of life at the classes. That sounds obvious perhaps, but I was surprised to see just how very diverse a crowd it was once I really got to learn about the people sitting next to me. Some were not even sure what they believed in religion wise. Some were uber-Orthodox. Some were Reform. Some people who in the process of converting. Some were Gentiles who had been raised thinking they were Jewish. Some were people who found out they were Jewish later in life. This made me feel less self-conscious.
There is nothing better for us as human beings than to sit together and learn Torah. It is water for your thirsty soul. It is perfect spiritual nutrition. After a long day of changing diapers and chasing toddlers and paying bills and doing dishes, it was a treat to sit with such wonderfully educated rabbis and such a delightful and diverse group of people, all of us refocusing our attention on things that are truly important in life – Hashem, Torah, and working together to fix this world.
Tell us what you think!
Thank you for your comment!
It will be published after approval by the Editor.