Popeye and Bluto in Flatbush
“Yankele” has two good friends who live next door to each other and are feuding bitterly. He’s in the middle and asking for advice how to make peace, especially before Yom Kippur.
Dear Rabbi Lazer,
I have two good friends who live next door to each other and are in a bitter feud. I am in the middle and am trying to make peace or at least a cease fire, especially before Yom Kippur. One of them wants peace but the other is ready to rip his throat out. Part of this fight stems from nasty behavior from one of their kids, but the animosity between the neighbors has escalated to frightening proportions over several months. Anyway, I tried to mediate and was told categorically to keep out by the more aggressive one. He point blank refuses to calm down. What’s the Arush-Brody approach? Happy New Year, Yankele from Flatbush
Dear Yankele,
If Rav Shalom and I were there, we’d probably set up a tent on the belligerent guy’s front lawn, and not to leave until he makes peace.
First of all, don’t give up – you’re doing the highest form of mitzva by attempting to make peace between two people, especially before Yom Kippur; Hashem won’t forget you for this.
Here’s what I suggest you do: For sake of clarity, let’s call the belligerent neighbor “Bluto”, and the guy who wants peace “Popeye”.
Stage 1: Buy a 6-pak of Bluto’s favorite beer (even though I don’t condone alcoholic beverages, but you can use them to make peace), and plant yourself on his front doorstep. Tell him that you have an important message for him from Rabbi Shalom Arush in Israel. If Bluto asks who Rabbi Shalom Arush is, tell him that he’s one of this generation’s leading tzaddikim, and Rabbi Lazer Brody’s teacher and spiritual guide. If Bluto asks who the heck Lazer Brody is, say that he’s someone that gives free advice to keep people from doing harm to themselves. Once you’re inside, drink a l’chayim (toast to life) with Bluto. Second, tell him that if he forgives Popeye, Brody in the name of Rabbi Arush will guarantee that Hashem will forgive him of his sins, and give him a clean bill of spiritual health for the coming year. If Bluto’s still obstinate and refuses to forgive, tell him to expect that Hashem will be exacting to the letter of each law with him, and that he’s going to pay through the nose for every single syllable of idle speech he said all year long, and even more so for the most serious offenses; not even the greatest of righteous people can come out clean when being judged like that. If Bluto has a brain in his skull, he’ll forgive, because he’s being offered the plea bargain of his life. Harboring a grudge for an hour, much less for weeks and months, is in itself a tremendous transgression. If Bluto’s still obstinate, and you don’t own a tent, continue on to Stage 2 of our plan.
Stage 2: Now, go to Popeye, and tell him to gather three upright people (men over the age of 20, but the older the better), and to plant themselves on Bluto’s front lawn. In front of the three (that constitute a legitimate tribunal, or beis din), Popeye should ask Bluto’s forgiveness – this will serve as a ladder that will enable Bluto to get off his high horse. If everybody agrees to forgive, have a l’chayim together and wish everybody a good New Year.
Yankele, you have to persevere – don’t let these two big fish off the conciliation hook. If Bluto isn’t willing to forgive in front of three people, then tell Popeye to ask a second time and a third time in front of four or five people. If Bluto is still aggressive and unwilling to forgive, then warn him that according to religious law, his name will be published all over town as a warmonger. In that event, I don’t envy him. Ask him if he’s willing to sacrifice his good name for a stupid feud. If he still has a beef, then he must either file a complaint against Popeye in religious court or seek mandatory arbitration by a knowledgeable and objective rabbi; but, continuing the feud is out of the question.
Hashem doesn’t listen to the prayers of people who don’t ask or grant forgiveness to one another. Halacha specifically requires that people must forgive each other before Yom Kippur, if they expect to earn forgiveness from The Almighty for a yearlong of “dirty laundry”.
Let me know if you need any further help. Breslev.com is happy to be a shareholder in this mitzva. By the way, spinach must be checked for bugs before cooking and eating. Gmar Chatima Tova, may you be signed and sealed in the Book of Life for a wonderful New Year. Blessings always, Lazer Brody.
Rabbi Brody’s advice in the above article is based on The Code of Jewish Law, Orach Chaim chapter 606, something that we should all learn before Yom Kippur
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