A Blessing in Disguise

Our beloved spiritual guide, Rabbi Lazer Brody, who has translated so much wisdom about life from Hebrew to English, has given us the gift of a deep understanding of emuna. That gift is magnified whenever we are fortunate enough to discover Hashem’s orchestration in our personal lives and realize that what felt bad initially morphed into something quite good. When we judge events, we often fail to take into account that life is a process that unfolds. For me personally it took the first half of my life to understand the turmoil I experienced as a teenager as being for the good.

I came from a family that wanted to shirk the yoke of heaven and become Americanized despite the obvious “give-away” of a heavy accent and decidedly “old-country” mannerisms and Yiddish commentary. I was raised secular and went to school with primarily gentile peers. I was expected to fit in and assimilate, yet was warned not to intermarry. I lived a life of confusion, so it seemed, as I felt strangely out of place. Nothing ever appeared to work out socially. There were a lot of cover-ups and refusal to communicate, including falsehoods passed along as truth. We did not attend synagogue, but I was forbidden to go to church. I was, however, encouraged to attend the monthly co-ed dances on Friday nights when in high school, and I looked forward to them. I think my mother ob’m was living her dream vicariously through me, for as a young girl coming from an Orthodox family out of the Ukraine, she was forbidden to go out on Friday night. She decided to lift that “restriction” for me.

Interestingly, that is where Hashem drew the line. It was no coincidence that I lived one block from the high school, so I could, at least, walk to the co-ed dances on Shabbat. Whenever I was asked out on a date, invariably something would go “wrong”, which I later discovered was for my benefit, and, therefore, was really not wrong at all. I distinctly remember, in my junior year, being asked out to the movies. The guy suddenly developed a sniffle, for which he was unprepared. His attempt to hold my hand with the hand he used to control his runny nose was met with a definite rebuff. I was upset with the inconvenience, then, but see Hashem’s sense of humor and unfailing protection now, many years later. I knew nothing, then, about the mitzvah of being shomer negiah (refraining from touching).

Another time, a so-called boyfriend was supposed to escort me to the   monthly dance. Two hours passed, and he had not yet arrived at my house.   Saddened, I took a shower and went to bed. I then heard the doorbell ring and his voice apologizing to my mother that the school football game, in which he was playing, had two over-times, leading to his late arrival on the bus. Again, my tears were for naught, as once more, Hashem’s intervention was for the very best: His will was that I not go out on this date. In my senior year I was preparing to go to Grad Night, having designed the perfect Hawaiian dress for the occasion, and wouldn’t you know it, the guy got sick at the last minute. I had no escort so I didn’t go. This was yet another tearful experience caused by lack of understanding that this was the best thing that could happen under the circumstances. A final “disappointment” came at prom time when my date changed his mind last minute. That felt like the final straw. If I had had the benefit of emuna and of spiritual awareness and knowledge of what Hashem wants of us, I would have responded differently and valued the loving care and protection with which Hashem was showering me. G-d’s plan, however, was that I would see it all clearly in retrospect.

I did not have to wait long for my bashert (intended), whom I met at age seventeen at college. His Hebrew name is Yitzhak, and the first thing that I noticed was his infectious laugh. I discovered many many years later that “Yitzhak” means laughter. Thus, all the events that may have appeared on the surface to be not-so-good or random were, most definitely, planned and for the very best. Although we are instructed to not take things personally, we benefit when we take G-d personally and develop an intimate relationship with Him. It is, then, that we start to feel His enduring love for us.

When we dedicate ourselves to living emuna, we see Hashem’s loving Hand in the minutest details of our personal lives. Nothing is too small nor too great to grab the attention of Hashem, Who is always available twenty-four hours of the day or night to tend not only to His treasured Jewish children but all of His creations. Nothing is more precious to Him than safeguarding our souls according to His Divine plan. With love and patience, He is awaiting our return. It is up to us to discover the truth of who we are and become aware of His personal messages. It is also up to us to allow our souls to take the lead and live with pride the way the Almighty created us to live.