The Adventures of Pig Boy
Ever since Isaac became a Baal Teshuva, his life has nose-dived; he writes Racheli, complaining about his disillusionment. She answers with one of her original parables...
Dear Racheli,
I am a fairly new Baal Teshuva, age 30. I'm becoming very disillusioned with the entire Torah-observant lifestyle. Ever since I made teshuva, my life has turned upside down. I lost my job. My girlfriend left me. It seems like I'm always getting sick. I even had a minor car accident recently. What gives?? Why does Hashem want to repay my efforts with suffering? Is this the reward I get for trying to live as a Jew?
Isaac
Hi Isaac!
Your question is the fundamental conundrums that many BT's face along their path of Truth. Let me answer your question with a silly parable.
Once upon a time, there was a guy that had a strange obsession. He loved to roll around in the mud. Actually, he didn't just love it. He was compelled to do it. In his mind, he had no free will. You see, this guy was a pig farmer, and he came from a long line of pig farmers. It was like a pig-farming dynasty. As a child, his father used to let him play all day long with the pigs.
Somewhere along the line, this boy actually came to believe that he was a pig himself. After all, the pigs 
were his best friends. They listened to all of his troubles about school and snorted in understanding when he wondered why no one wanted to be friends with him. The fact that he smelled like a pig just didn't clue him into the problem. He would have wrestling matches with the pigs in their large mud pens, and spent hours and hours making mud angels alongside his best friends.
As this boy grew up, his habits didn't change. He still loved to roll around in the mud, especially during those hot summer days. Cooling off with the water hose never occurred to him. I told you he was weird.
One day, the parents of this 23-year-old man decided that enough was enough. He would have to start behaving like a human if he was going to get married and continue the line of pig farmer dynasty. So, the first thing they did was get him in the shower. Wait- let's backtrack.
You see, since this guy didn't even know that rolling around in the mud was not an acceptable activity for humans, his parents had a very difficult time getting him out of the mud. He just didn't want to leave his comfortable environment. Well, finally, they had to tie a rope around him and drag him out, kicking and screaming.
After that, four people had to work together to get his clothes off, hold him down in the bath, and scrub all of that mud and filth off of his body. It was no easy task. Can you imagine the deep creases in his hands and feet that were filled with years of caked-on mud? And what about his hair? Don't think that Pig Boy ever actually took care of his body! His hair was knotted and had all kinds of worms and insects crawling around in there. They had to scrub, scrape, and de-louse him several times, as well as use a deep conditioning treatment.
All in all, cleaning up Pig Boy was a very long and painful process. And that was the easy part! The difficult part was to re-program his mind. It took months of intense hypnotherapy to make him realize that he was not really a pig at all. During this entire transformational period, Pig Boy didn't understand what the point of changing his life was. After all, he was happy rolling around in the mud and having pigs as his only friends. Why couldn't he just have been left alone?
Isaac, are you starting to understand the answer I'm trying to tell you? All of these unfortunate incidents that you are going through are actually a part of your spiritual clean-up process! For most of your life, you lived like Pig Boy – happily racking up transgressions while rolling around in the filth that goes along with a life devoid of G-d consciousness.
Well, now that you have woken up and realized that you don't want to live a life of meaningless filth, the King of kings is happily ready to accept you back. But, how can He, if you're covered in mud and creepy crawlies? How can you walk into the Royal Palace if your soul is still surrounded by angels of darkness? I don't know about you, but I would be absolutely horrified if I were suddenly plopped into the middle of a Royal ball and I were wearing frumpy house clothes and ripped stockings, not to mention the fact that I would not be wearing makeup! Oy, the horror!
You see, Isaac, all of these difficulties that you are going through are actually Hashem cleaning you up from your past! Did you never in your life hurt another person, or damage your soul in soooo many ways because of your spiritual ignorance? Why should we not be held accountable for our past? Because we don't want to be?
It's amazing what amnesia comes along with the whole teshuva process. All of a sudden, we look at ourselves as poor, innocent victims who just want to connect with Hashem. That's nice and all, but what about the giant mess of transgressions that we've racked up during our days in the mud? They have to be accounted for, somehow.
Be happy, Isaac! Hashem is doing you a massive favor. He's showing you that He loves you and that He's thrilled that you've decided to come back to Him. Actually, He's making your clean-up much faster than you know, because He's giving you one situation after another. This is a wonderful sign. Accept everything that you're going through with love. Before you know it, the Moshiach will be here, and the world will be full of holiness and nothing else. Hashem wants you to be a part of it, so He's making sure your soul sparkles, just like Mr. Clean
.
Here's a little secret: if you want to lessen the severity of your spiritual cleansing, try Rebbe Nachman's “One hour a day” formula. Go out into nature and speak with Hashem for one hour every day. Tell Him whatever you can remember about your life, from start to finish. You see, Rav Lazer Brody explains that there is no double jeopardy in the Heavenly Court. Once you admit to a certain transgression, you can't be tried for it again Upstairs.
Here's another secret: once you admit to a past transgression, Hashem Himself judges you for it, and His judgment is always more merciful than the strict, by-the-book justice that the Heavenly Court administers.
Read In Forest Fields to learn the proper way to do personal prayer. May Hashem bless you with a merciful soul cleansing, and may you be sparkling and ready to greet the Moshiach speedily, and in your sharpest suit, Amen!
Racheli
10/07/2021
The Rebbe said tineok shenishbot are exhonerated under the Torah as they are considered victims of duress. It seems though perhaps that is not the case for sins between man and fellow man. Dunno. The Torah was given for a reason though (so we would know how to act) so those who do not have it as children are at a serious disadvantage.
10/07/2021
Seems like most of life is all about education and parent's involvement in their child's life.
7/23/2015
Loved it!
Great parable, Racheli. And so true!