Conversion Implosions
There is a long list of reasons why Jews don’t seek converts. They are not just being stubborn for the sake of it. Conversion implosions occur when people move too quickly.
I have been privileged to meet a fair number of my fellow Gentiles who are new to the world of Torah and Judaism. Sometimes rabbis will connect me with people to share with them what it is like to live as a Ben/Bat Noach. The truth is there are moments where I do not know what to say to these people. They can read the articles I have written for this website and for others to get a good idea of what the journey has been like for me. And there are wonderful articles written by other Bnei Noach as well. All of these together can give them a small sense, at the very least. Standing on one foot, as the expression goes, I can tell you that my life is inconceivable without Hashem and His Torah. I do not know how I would be a wife, a mother, a woman, a friend, a neighbor, a citizen of the world without it. To steal the words of Charlton Heston, someone I never thought could sum up anything for me, you would have to pry it “from my cold, dead hands.” He was talking about his Smith and Wesson; I am talking about my Stone Edition Chumash.
I think sometimes what these terrific people want to hear is something I just can not tell them. Or perhaps it is just that I wish I could tell them something comforting, something easy to do, an easy place to go to be with people like us, who believe what we believe. But I can not. For someone longing for structure, detail, community in the conventional sense, a building in which to pray together and worship together – there really are not any. Most of the people I communicate with are not looking to be religious pioneers, which I can relate to completely. They want something widely accepted, old school, and established and running that they can join, quite naturally. Then I must disappoint them. Well, actually the Seven Universal Commandments are really old; it is just that no one has a really clear idea about how to live with them today the way regular religious people live.
Sometimes the people I meet are folks who have had what I would call conversion implosions. Rabbis around the globe talk with these wounded people regularly. There is a very long list of reasons Jews do not seek out converts. They are not just being stubborn for the sake of it. Conversion implosions occur when people move too quickly; do not engage their brains enough to balance out the rush of emotions they are having; drag family members along on their private religious journey; do not take the warnings people offer seriously enough – I could keep going. But I think they also occur because people do not want to feel neither here nor there – not Jewish, but not anything else either.
Artificial Definition
Some frustrated Bnei Noach might end up in a synagogue where they will be allowed a conversion that is seen as legitimate by only a subset of Jews. This can present myriad problems, especially for children. The children will become adults who quite naturally believe they are Jewish who then may want to marry someone who is not a part of their subset, i.e. who does not see them as Jewish. Or the mother or father of the person they want to marry does not see them as Jewish- not good. The marriage can become impossible. Or it can become possible, but only with an Orthodox conversion which takes time and is not a certainty. Or the marriage might not be a possibility in the eyes of the potential mate’s family – heartbreak. Or, as I have seen, the mate who is being told they need a conversion becomes mortally offended about someone questioning their Jewishness.
Not to mention the fact that illegitimate conversions can – God forbid a thousand times – erode the bedrock of the entire religion. Determining who is Jewish and who is not Jewish is absolutely crucial within Judaism, unlike in other religions where conversion is, when necessary at all, sometimes a very simple and private act. As Bnei Noach, I believe we need to support the importance of Orthodox conversion over others to help keep the definition of who and who is not a Jew stable for all time – not something that changes with political and cultural fads.
When an adult converts incorrectly, they are living as a Jew when they are not actually Jewish, which is a problem on many levels not just for that individual. But when he or she has kids who think they are Jewish when they are not, and those kids grow up only to discover that they are not who they thought they were, it can really rock their world. It is not the end of the world, but with the wrong person it can crush them and leave them with a serious identity crisis to compound the normal identity struggles we all go through in life. God forbid again, it could also drive the person away from religion altogether.
Genuine Definition But at a Price
Let us say you and your family do convert legitimately. You have raised the stakes for you and your family spiritually speaking, in a dramatic way. There are many people out there who have done this and are gloriously happy people, no doubt. But it is a one-way street fraught with hazards. Again, it is important to not just think about what you want or what you and your spouse want. You must think about kids you may already have or may have in the future. A Jewish child who rebels is in hot water in ways that a Ben/Bat Noach is not. For a Jewish child there is a great deal to rebel against because of the enormous responsibilities required of a Jew. They must keep Shabbat in a world where others are working on that day. They must eat kosher in a world that makes it quite difficult to do so – kosher slaughter is not even legal in many countries. They must dress differently, sometimes very differently, especially for females. There is a great deal to push against. They must celebrate holidays that many other people, some of them non-religious or differently religious Jews, do not celebrate, which can in turn create issues at work. It can cause rifts in extended families that never really close.
If You Do Not Convert
If Bnei Noach do not convert, one benefit is that there are not intense religious demands put on our children against which they may feel tempted to rebel. We do not need to eat kosher. We do not need to keep the Shabbat. The child can live like your average child in so many ways they may not feel weighed down in the way a child growing up in a strict religious environment might quite naturally at times feel. If as an adult he or she wants to convert, at least it will be in a more hospitable environment, after all his or her parents are Torah-believers. The child will have had a very long time, to determine in a cool, calm, and collected manner whether or not they are cut out for Jewish life. They will have stronger sense through actual life experience what the benefits and limitations of living as Ben/Bat Noach are. I have been going full speed ahead for five years as a Bat Noach. I think gung-ho would be a fair description of my attitude towards religious life. As committed as I am, the more I learn I am increasingly humbled by the profound, through and through dedication to Torah that Hashem requires of a Jew.
I do not think there is a Ben or Bat Noach out there who has not thought about or who does not regularly think about conversion to Judaism. But when you face the challenges of living the humble life of a Ben or Bat Noach you begin to understand what it really means to submit to Hashem, and ironically to feel that heavy yoke of Torah, despite the fact that we only have seven commandments. I think in the nothingness of being a Ben or Bat Noach you must come face to face with Hashem. You must accept that we have to work really hard for Him without much guidance – something that is extremely difficult for a conscientious person who wants to do right. And you must develop a deep faith because there are moments when you are dying for a building to walk into full of people to distract you, full of people to guide you in prayer, but it is not there for you. So you must turn to Hashem and get very real in your solitude and thank Him for it, even if it hurts badly. That is what a good Jew would do.
4/26/2012
I am a convert I studied religion for many years grew up in a very prominent christian family with pastors and missionaries authors etc. . .but it wasnt until I studied Judaism and met my fellow Jews that I found my family, my people and who I was. When my family and friends found out I converted it wasnt easy But I was always blown away by one cousin (who also has a famous parent christain writers and theologians) ask me but why convert to Judaism? Why not just be Noahide? Simple answer: it is who I am.
4/26/2012
I studied religion for many years grew up in a very prominent christian family with pastors and missionaries authors etc. . .but it wasnt until I studied Judaism and met my fellow Jews that I found my family, my people and who I was. When my family and friends found out I converted it wasnt easy But I was always blown away by one cousin (who also has a famous parent christain writers and theologians) ask me but why convert to Judaism? Why not just be Noahide? Simple answer: it is who I am.
2/09/2009
Mazel tov to those who decide to convert! And mazel tov to those who walk the path of the noachide! Thanks for another great article alice. It’s much appreciated. Although as a noahide I can say we all experiance lonelyness and lack of community at one time or another but also it is marvelous freedom! NO DOGMA, NO Social expectations etc. And to the potential convert, you take on an awesome responsibilty and have my best wishes for your success, may you be one who brings great honor to HaShems Name. The Jewish people are a great people and will welcome you with open arms.