Holtzbergs and Hardys
The Holtzbergs and Nate Hardy had something important in common. They focused on using their lives to serve you and me. They had morals that and illuminated their paths.
I can’t stop thinking about Rabbi Gavriel and Rivka Holtzberg. I have never met them and had never even heard of them until the attacks in Mumbai, India (2008). Despite this I can not get them out of my mind. I do not want to get them out of my mind. I keep picturing them working away at the Chabad House in India where they dedicated their lives to their fellow Jews who live in a place where it is not easy to live an observant Jewish life.
Living an observant Jewish life demands working together with other Jewish people. A Torah-filled life can not be a solitary pursuit. Rabbi and Rebbetzin Holtzberg lived this truth. Despite being quite young, the Holtzbergs moved to India to be like a mother and a father to Jews living there as well as to Jews traveling a long way from their own kosher kitchens. The Holtzbergs gave their lives to strangers and in doing so turned those strangers into friends and even family. They sacrificed private time, personal space, and material gain. They adapted to the thousands of cultural differences, strange new foods, new languages, new customs, new sounds and smells, and the internecine bureaucracy of the Indian government. And like all of the Rabbis and Rebbetzins who bravely take on such work they were probably pulled a thousand directions at once, all in the midst of their own profound family challenges. And they were only in their twenties.
I do not want to stop thinking about the Holtzbergs because they seem like such superb people. They had their priorities in line. They used what Hashem gave them to help other people instead of hoarding it. When I hear Rabbi Holtzberg’s voice, I smile. And what is he always talking about in these video clips? He talks about Torah, helping people, services, Shabbat meals, Torah classes, building a mikveh, providing kosher meat, and more Torah. What is Rebbetzin Holtzberg always doing in pictures I see of her? She is smiling while cutting a ribbon, smiling while carrying a tray of food, smiling while working hard next to her husband, smiling while embracing a friend or guest.
The worst that the world can give us took away the best that Hashem can give us. The Holtzbergs were doves. They were sunshine. They were optimism in motion. They were darling and kind. We need them so badly.
In the midst of my preoccupation with the Holtzbergs, I read an article in a paper from a small town in New Hampshire where I used to live. At the bottom of the article there was a reference to a person whose name rang a bell loud and clear to me, although I had only met him a few times. I was stunned to learn that a young father and courageous soldier, Nate Hardy, gave his life for his country in Iraq last February. He was only twenty-nine and left behind a wife and baby son.
I had met Nate’s parents through a friend in the mid 90s. We ate dinner with them and afterwards Mrs. Hardy shared with me that they had recently lost their teenage son Josh to cancer. The Hardys are that rare combination of physical and spiritual beauties. That night I sat with Mrs. Hardy in her living room. Looking beautiful and sad, she told me about her son. I sat and listened, trying not to turn into a ball of blubbering mush on her oriental rug. There is no understanding the experience of losing a child to cancer. It puts the family through a meat grinder. I just thought Why? Why? Why did God do this to them? This is completely wrong, stunningly wrong.
I recall adolescent Nate flitting about the house with the energy of a puppy- a flash of light blonde hair and untied sneakers. He showed us his bedroom and explained the pictures and posters on the walls. He was a handsome and lovely, ideal young kid. Somewhere in the midst of the visit I recall him declaring emphatically that he wanted to be a Navy SEAL. The plan was all laid out and that was that. I remember thinking, “No. You, young man, will be a librarian. No dangerous jobs. You can not put your parents through any more drama.”
Nate was not joking. That skinny little bouncing ball of energy became a Navy SEAL (photo, right). Declaring boldly that you will become a Navy SEAL is akin to declaring boldly that you will become an astronaut. Judging by what I learned reading about Nate after his death, he made it clear to anyone who knew him that he had this goal and that it was going to happen. He moved step by step and did it. He turned from a soccer player into a sailor and soldier. He endured the brutal SEAL training- training that is unparalleled in intensity and difficulty- and gave his life for his country on his fourth tour of Iraq. He did this, I learned, out of an extreme commitment to his ideals and his country. He gave his life battling the monsters who think the world is better off without people like the Holtzbergs. They were all in their twenties. The Holtzbergs and Nate Hardy had something important in common. They were focused on using their lives to serve you and me. They had morals that determined and illuminated their paths. They made their lives about so much more than ego and accumulation. My plan for Nate Hardy stank. Nate was right. The Holtzbergs were right. We should not live our lives hoarding what God gives us- our time, our money, our friendship, the contents of our pantries, or even our life itself. The goal should not be to accumulate as much as possible and to live to be 120 surrounded by our junk. The goal should be to live correctly, to live for our brothers and sisters, to pay our way here on earth through bold moral action.
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