A Happy Mouth

Everything centers around speech. Speech connects people and determines the quality of their relationship. A person who seeks character perfection must strive toward impeccably clean speech. He should avoid saying anything negative, for speech reflects the essence of a person. One who speaks negatively becomes a magnet for the negative. One who speaks good becomes a conduit of good. King Solomon said, “Death and life are in the hand of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). The mouth can build or destroy, illuminate the world or turn it into darkness. The correction of the world depends on us, that we should build and not destroy. So, if it happened that someone humiliated or insulted you, be forgiving, and that way you’ll live a longer life.

The Zohar says: “The slander that the snake spoke to Eve brought about her death, Adam’s death and all subsequent death in the world.” The evil snake said slander about Hashem, as if He was stingy with them, Heaven forbid, and that’s why He didn’t want them to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. This miserable statement ruined the world for subsequent generations.

We see this with our own eyes in every household and in every family – the quality of life is based on the quality of the family’s speech. A healthy family enjoys healthy communication with words of joy and emuna. In Hebrew, the letters that make up the word for family, mishpachah, are the same letters that make up the phrase, “happy mouth” – peh sameach. A happy family uses happy speech. Such a family avoids criticism, insult and hurtful expressions that do terrible, sometimes irreparable damage. A happy family steers clear of slander and gossip, the ills of the tongue that shatter marriages, interpersonal relationships and the entire world.

No one should ignore the fact that the mouth is very similar to atomic power – it’s dangerous. It can build but it can also utterly destroy. People who murder others with their words often shrug their shoulders in mock innocence and ask, “What did I do? I only made a small comment…” This is the claim of the snake whose venom is symbolic of toxic speech.

Anyone who seeks the good life should commit to good speech – words of encouragement, consolation and comfort, hope and emuna. Remember, life and death are at the hands of the tongue. Everyone’s goal should be to maintain wholesome speech.

The Gemara in tractate Pesachim emphasizes the importance of clean speech, showing that the Torah goes out of its way to express itself in the most wholesome manner possible. The Torah, usually thrifty in its use of words, substitutes the one-word “contaminated” for the multi-word phrase, “that which is not pure”. This teaches us that one can say the same thing in several variations, yet we should always choose the most wholesome variation, speaking softly and gently.

A wise person takes care in his or her choice of words, thinking ahead of time how it will affect the listener. He or she will do everything to avoid causing any possible pain or insult to anyone else. Their speech is always pleasant and melodious to the ear. In that respect, King Solomon said that the speech of the wise enhances other people’s moods, for it puts their mind at ease and is comforting to listen to. Wise people are cautious about the evil inclination’s ensnarement, especially in the area of speech. The evil inclination is constantly ready to ambush people and hijack their speech.

The rule to remember is when people speak in a wholesome manner, they clean, purify and refine their souls. How? Speech is the expression of the soul and an indication of the person’s essence. Content and manner of speech reveals much about a person, as does the type of humor he or she uses. Therefore, a person should make a serious effort in refining speech and speaking in a wholesome manner. Speech not only determines the nature of a person’s relationship with the Al-mighty but is also the way of getting close to Him and our fellow humans.